Save Me

53. Don’t Hold Back With Me.

 

Bianca dabbed the corners of her mouth lightly with a napkin, signaling that she had finished her meal.

As expected, Jillian began to rise from his seat.

“Stay seated.”

Bianca’s firm tone stopped him.

Though his expression reflected puzzlement, Bianca stood up alone.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

Instead of answering, Bianca gestured lightly toward the captains with her gaze.

The storm seemed to have passed, but the captains’ faces were still clouded with unresolved questions.

After all, it had taken Bianca a long time to make her decision, hadn’t it?

No, deep down, she still couldn’t entirely shake the feeling that he might abandon her one day—like a premonition borne from experience.

Even now, despite the overwhelming, unconditional affection she was receiving, doubt lingered in the pit of her heart. So what of the captains?

Surely their doubts ran even deeper.

Tonight, Jillian might have to spend hours explaining himself to them.

Bianca brushed her hand gently over his, the way he often did, before leaving the dining hall.

 

***

 

Bianca had intended to go straight to bed.

Though she had maintained a composed exterior, she was more drained than expected.

It had been a long time since she had faced such scrutinizing gazes, and she’d worked hard to appear calm and confident, all while maintaining an air of arrogance.

Her stiffened back now ached faintly from the tension.

She resolved to ask Julie to fetch her a cup of hot water to ease the discomfort as she prepared for bed.

But just as she was about to rest, a visitor came calling.

“Creta?”

Wasn’t he supposed to still be helping Jillian in the dining hall?

“I apologize for coming to you in haste, but I have a favor to ask. May I trouble you for a moment of your time?”

Late at night, with the lady already prepared for bed, the visit itself was improper.

However, Creta, ever the devoted subordinate to the Duke, would not be here without a good reason.

Bianca tightened her robe and led him to the small sitting room attached to her bedroom.

“Would you like some tea?”

“No, thank you. I’ll be brief and return promptly.”

Placing a set of documents on the table, Creta’s pallor seemed even more pronounced under the dim light.

His long lashes cast shadows over his pale complexion, giving him a perpetually sickly appearance.

His slender fingers grasped the papers with the air of a scholar rather than a soldier—quite at odds with his earlier introduction as the ‘Captain of the Second Fortress.’

“You’re truly impressive.”

“Pardon?”

Creta blinked at her unexpected remark as he arranged the documents for her to review.

“A captain, an aide, and even the estate manager—you’re juggling it all.”

“It’s nothing…”

“It’s extraordinary,” Bianca interrupted, dismissing his modesty before he could continue.

Contrary to her expectations, Creta’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Is… is that a compliment?”

For the first time, color flushed his usually pallid face, and Bianca found herself taken aback.

He was pleased—genuinely so.

“It is. A compliment, and an expression of admiration. Isn’t that only natural?”

“I… I’ve never thought of it that way.”

Bianca paused. Then she remembered whom Creta served—people like Silas and Jillian Balloch.

Under their command, Creta likely viewed such feats not as exceptional but as basic expectations.

“But it isn’t,” Bianca insisted.

“You’re remarkable. When I reviewed the past three years of documentation, I was genuinely impressed. I expected to find gaps, but instead, I saw flawless organization. It’s astounding how you managed all of this so perfectly.”

She omitted the detail about the personal expense reports, deeming them irrelevant.

She also recalled that Jillian and even Silas wore simple attire, devoid of extravagance.

Their commanding presence had masked any lack of luxury in their appearances.

Bianca’s praise was heartfelt, making Creta’s next words even more unexpected.

“Then, may I ask a favor in return for your kind words?”

“What is it? If it’s within my power, I’ll help in any way I can.”

“I deeply apologize, but would it be possible to halve the personal expense budget until spring? I promise to restore the full amount, including the deficit, by summer.”

“What?”

“Unexpectedly, the cost of fortress repairs has been higher than anticipated.”

“Fortress repairs?”

“More precisely, building shelters for displaced residents ended up costing more than we budgeted. We managed to reuse most of the original materials for the fortress repairs.”

Creta’s voice carried an urgency Bianca couldn’t ignore.

“Displaced residents?”

Bianca hesitated but couldn’t let the matter pass.

“Yes. Perhaps you’ve heard? Some of the estate residents were harmed. When the Seventh Fortress collapsed, lingering monsters weren’t properly dealt with.”

“I see…”

“So the Duke ordered all the affected residents to relocate to the southern fortress for their safety.”

“I understand. But why is funding short? I’m still not clear on that.”

Creta blinked at her, seemingly puzzled that she hadn’t grasped the situation.

“Well, I’ve heard that the imperial government provides substantial annual funding for the northern territories—the Ice Wall Subsidy alone should be more than enough to build a new fortress. Are the displaced residents truly that numerous?”

“The Ice Wall Subsidy?”

Creta’s expression was strange, as if hearing about it for the first time.

Bianca’s heart sank at the realization.

She could say with certainty—the northern territories had never received a single coin of the Ice Wall Subsidy.

All the wealth, military strength, and influence of the Baloch family—they had endured without any external support.

“The upkeep of equipment, the troops’ wages, even land development projects—all of it…”

“All of it comes from the Duke’s personal wealth,” Creta said with a faint smile.

Bianca felt a wave of indignation.

“But the imperial family has always claimed to allocate massive funds for the north!”

“Perhaps in words. But the north has no record of receiving any support.”

“Why?!”

Bianca snapped.

“Why should this be considered the Baloch family’s responsibility alone? Being landowners? Being vassals of the crown? None of that justifies such blind devotion.”

Creta’s smile widened.

“It’s heartening to hear you say so, my lady.”

“…”

Bianca rose abruptly.

“I must speak with the Duke. As for the personal expense budget, do as you’ve requested. If necessary, take the entire amount.”

“That wouldn’t be right. The shortfall isn’t that significant. It’s just that I had to come to see Madam because this involves something essential for survival.”

“In the future, you don’t need to allocate so much.”

“I can’t do that.”

“The Duke’s private funds aren’t an endless fountain. There’s no reason to spend unnecessarily on clothes that aren’t even needed.”

“They are endless.”

As Creta closed his mouth with a subtle expression, a voice that shouldn’t have been heard in this space resonated.

“Jillian?”

“They’re endless. How could I leave you without expenses?”

As Jillian naturally approached, Creta quickly stepped aside, leaving only Jillian and Bianca in the parlor.

“I thought you’d take longer.”

“What would make that necessary? Whether I prolong or shorten my words, the truth remains the same.”

“Being understood for your sincerity is the hardest thing, isn’t it?”

“Does my sincerity need understanding?”

Jillian continued to answer questions with more questions, as if engaging in a philosophical dialogue.

Noticing this circular conversation, Bianca realized he was not in a good mood.

“Why are you upset?”

“Because I’m displeased about reducing your dignity maintenance expenses.”

“If the ducal house is struggling, isn’t it proper for me to step up? This is my home, after all.”

“I have no intention of letting you feel inadequate.”

“What if I don’t think I am inadequate?”

“It’s merely a matter of cash versus goods. It was only a difference in the form of payment.”

“Jillian.”

Bianca decided it was time to end this tiresome argument.

Calmly calling his name, she extended her hands.

Like a young tree stretching its branches toward the sky, her gesture was vulnerable and endearing.

There was no way to refuse it. Jillian slightly shook his head and then pulled Bianca into his arms.

Her fragile frame, unable to fill his embrace, clung tightly to him, spreading a warmth that was almost maddening.

Bianca’s voice broke the silence.

“Don’t treat me like an outsider.”

Startled, he felt her slender arms tighten around him, holding him firmly.

He could shake her off in an instant, but Jillian remained still.

“Share the burdens, the hardships, all of it with me.”

“They aren’t burdens or hardships. I just need some time to sort things out.”

“Then let’s do it together.”

“I…”

“Let’s do it together, if you truly consider me your wife.”

Jillian couldn’t say a word.

“Stop trying so hard to show me only the good things. Let’s face them together. I don’t want to enjoy anything that comes at someone else’s expense.”

Her soft voice traveled straight through his chest, sinking deep into his core.

“What if it’s something I owe you?”

His tone, as though contemplating his own fate, made Bianca tighten her embrace even more.

“That doesn’t exist.”

“It does. Something I could never repay, no matter my lifetime.”

“It doesn’t exist.”

“What if it does?”

“Then stop now. It’s enough. I won’t engage anymore in this argument.”

Suddenly, a powerful ringing echoed in her ears.

A shattering, eerie sound, as if something had cracked, followed by a new presence in the air.

‘Thank you.’

It was the voice of an unfamiliar man.