Save Me

41. Uncontrolled.

 

“I never thought you would sleep like this.”

A hand gently stroking my hair as I heard a sweet voice.

Bianca, who was smiling slightly at the pleasant sensation, suddenly felt something strange.

What is this?

It was too vivid to be a dream, but it couldn’t be real.

The refreshing scent that had passed my nose a while ago belonged to Jillian, who had left to manage the wave.

Could it be that it was an auditory hallucination?

It was the first time something like this happened, but it wasn’t bad.

‘It would be nice to be able to see him too’

Bianca slowly opened her eyes and the tip of her nose tingled with joy when she saw the golden eyes looking down at her.

“Oh my, did I wake you up?”

Was it because his image on the day he went out for battle remained in my mind?

Jillian, who greeted me, was not wearing his usual comfortable shirt, but was armed.

Wearing a helmet with just the face uncovered, a long flowing cloak, and solid armor visible through the gaps.

Jillian, who was armed, looked like a war lord.

Even now, with a pale complexion and a sharp jawline with bones protruding, his appearance was so noble and beautiful, unable to blend in with the world.

That sight reminded Bianca of the moment he had to face the wyvern alone, and she felt suffocated.

For a moment, I thought that he was similar to myself, he was orphaned and had to be alone as if he did not belong anywhere.

I was overflowing with emotion.

“I missed you.”

I meant it.

The man’s face stiffened after hearing the raw truth that he thought would not be conveyed.

I felt sick because it felt like this was the ‘future’¹I think the ‘future’ she is afraid of is rejection. I had been afraid of the whole time, but it only lasted for a moment.

Bianca was so happy to see him so healthy that she let out the sweetest voice she could muster.

“I missed you so much.”

“Did you miss me?”

“Of course.”

“Me?”

The voice that roared in his throat was animalistic, so low that it felt like It came from somewhere else.

But contrary to his interrogative tone, Jillian was smiling.

Seeing his obvious joy, Bianca gathered her courage and poured out the words she had been keeping in her heart.

“I miss you. So… come back quickly.”

At that moment, Jillian made an indescribable expression.

It’s a strange face that looks either happy or frustrated.

After a while, he nodded, his golden eyes more dazzling than the sun.

“You are dreaming, aren’t you?”

Talking about dreams within a dream?

It seemed like it was ending soon.

Bianca smiled at Jillian.

I wanted to be remembered as a smiling person, not a crying person who was having a hard time.

“Then, shall we meet later when you wake up?”

Sure enough, Jillian came to say goodbye.

“Are you going already?”

“Yes.”

Out of desperation, I tried to hold him back, but he was adamant.

“Please sleep.”

“Just a little more.”

“Please sleep now, when you wake up, you will meet me.”

As he gently stroked my cheek as if to soothe me, my vision suddenly began to distort.

“……I….back….soon.”

All my senses were fading away.

His words had become fragments that I could not understand a single word, and I could no longer smell the refreshing scent that tickled my nose.

I never knew I would want to hold on to a hallucinations in all my life!

Bianca strained her whole body to try to hold back the presence that was moving away, but it was no use.

The feeling of the hand, that I had reached out to grab him with, landing on the soft blanket, was the last thing I remembered.

 

***

 

Tuk.

The white, thin hand that was reaching out desperately fell onto the bed.

He almost couldn’t hold himself back from grabbing her hand, right then and now.

But if he did that..….

Jillian slowly clenched his hand, which was covered in blue blood vessels.

Because he couldn’t control his strength, his joints whitened above his clenched fist.

Jillian, who was looking at that scene, twisted his lips and smiled bitterly.

If he held her hand, he might have broken it accidentally.

Jillian lowered his eyes as he looked at Bianca, who was sleeping soundly again.

‘Are you having a hard time there? I’m sending this to know when you’ll be back. Please don’t get hurt and come back healthy.’

That was it.

After receiving the letter from main castle, Jillian realized that he made her anxious.

He was already in a hurry, but the moment he received the small piece of paper, Jillian regretted not being hurried enough.

He left the others to clean-up the scene and rode his horse without stopping even once.

Although the journey time was shortened by nearly half compared to usual, his heart felt like it was burning the whole time he was travelling.

He couldn’t stand the anxiety of making her wait.

As soon as he arrived at the main castle, he sneaked into Bianca’s bedroom.

When he saw Bianca sleeping under a pile of rolled up blankets, he was finally able to breathe.

‘Bianca.’

Since it was late at night, he thought he would just look at her face and leave.

However, his hand that did not know etiquette ended up touching Bianca without permission.

The sight of her sleeping with her body curled up like a snail was cute and familiar.

She looked lonely so he reached out his hand.

It was definitely a gesture to comfort her.

However, due to the dizzying softness that was wrapped around his fingertips, his hand couldn’t stop and kept stroking Bianca, waking her up from a sound sleep.

Oops, he did it.

He immediately thought about how to fix this.

But as soon as their eyes met……

‘I missed you’

She said that with a face that looked like she was about to cry.

“Haa…”

This is unfair.

Jillian, rubbed his face roughly, got up from his seat and ran out of the room.

He can’t hold on any longer.

He was at his limit.

 

***

 

“You came?”

When the door to the office, where the lights were on until late at night, opened, Creta greeted him without any sign of surprise, just as she was flipping through documents.

Jillian had already launched the bird as he departed to the main castle.

“Don’t pretend to be busy.”

“I’m really busy with the 7th castles collapsing. Why did you destroy the castle? Can’t the duke see me a little idle?”

Despite grumbling, Creta finally got up from her seat, took Jillian’s helmet and cloak, and began organizing them.

“If anyone hears you, they will think that I was the one who broke it.”

“Didn’t you?”

“No.”

“I thought it was the duke who did it since you blew up the imperial castle with ease.”

“……..”

“Then, did you let it collapse because you couldn’t stop the monsters?”

Of course, Jillian couldn’t have destroyed it.

For generations, the Dukes of Baloch were famous for caring very much for their knights.

If something really happened and Jillian had to blow up the castle, he would have evacuated the knights in advance.

Creta only said this out of frustration.

“It already collapsed before we arrived.”

“No casualties.”

“Yes, of course.”

He felt slightly different.

With a clanking sound, the armor wrapped around his body fell down.

It was not that heavy, but perhaps because of his mood, he felt lighter.

“Would you like a bath?”

“Sounds good.”

“……I’m asking, just in case, are you tired?”

Normally, he would just go and get his work done, but today he talked a lot.

Jillian turned his head, not hiding his exhaustion.

“Why?”

“You don’t look good.”

“What?”

“You look tired.”

Instead of responding to Creta’s humorless words, Jillian wiped his face.

Creta who was watching this scene soon disappeared.

Jillian stood silently in the quiet office.

His body felt sticky because it was covered in the blue fog for a long time.

He knew it couldn’t be true, but he wanted to rest his body against something.

Only for a short period of time.

‘You look tired.’

Creta’s words suddenly made him burst into laughter.

He couldn’t believe he was tired.

Living as the Duke of Baloch, he felt like he could hear all the sounds of the world, and it felt strange to realize that even this body had its limits.

Was he tired……?

Was it because he heard something like that?

Unlike the usual feeling of energy coursing his body, he felt it sinking.

Jillian had the same experience once before.

It was when he brought out flowers after Bianca said that white lisianthus were pretty.

He was happy to see Bianca happy, but he felt unmotivated all afternoon that day.

At the time, he thought it was just boredom that came once in a while, but then……was it fatigue?

With an unfamiliar realization, Jillian stood there in silence until Creta returned.

His hands were still pale.

 

***

 

“Did you hear that? The waves have begun.”‬‎

Hearing the subtle words, the people driving carts filled with snow quickly flocked to the speaker.

“Is that real?”

“Mr. William’s daughter, who lives across the street, works at the Duke’s Castle. I heard she came home yesterday because it was a holiday. The Duke went to the 7th Castle.”

“Huh…….Isn’t this unusual?”

“It’s not that bad. Normally, when it snows like this, there’s always waves. This year, because the snow is early, the waves must have gotten earlier, too.”

“Well, that’s true.”

The people who had gathered nodded as they looked at the snow that had been falling steadily for several days.

It was snow that fell earlier than usual.

Originally, the wave started whenever it snowed like this, so it was ambiguous to say that the wave timing had changed.

“But why is it snowing so early this year?”

“How would I know that?”²This kind of talk doesn’t usually end well for the talkers or the main characters 💀

The surprise at the news of the sudden wave was short-lived, and once things calmed down, the residents began chatting again while pulling the cart.

The ‘reservoir’ where the snow was dumped was quite a distance away, and pulling a cart was always an arduous and tedious task, so chatting had long been a part of their everyday life.

“Maybe because it’s cold?”

“No, even though it’s snowing, it’s not that cold.”

“That’s right. Still, isn’t it extremely cold compared to the capital? Now, there are rumors that the transportation circle might not be usable until spring because the accumulated snow on it.”

“I heard that the upper people of the capital were so upset when they heard that?”

The other people pulling the cart nodded.

“If they can’t deliver goods to here, there will be a big loss, right? I don’t know how people outside live during the winter.”

“How do they live? They live well. People outside should be the ones curious about how we live.”

“Baloch collect the snow accumulated in the winter and store it in spring and summer to live!”

“Are you crazy? Why are you screaming all of a sudden?”

“I am going crazy because the snow cart is so heavy!”

The people pulling the cart ahead and behind them, giggling, and they soon arrived at their reservoir.

Just as they said earlier, the huge pit was filled with the snow that young people had collected and discarded.

Thanks to the early and heavy snow this year, it was already half full.

Even though snow is piled up like a castle in that huge hole every year, the water barely fills it up when spring comes.

Although it may be cumbersome and difficult, if they save up a lot, they will be able to survive the spring drought well.

“Ugh!”

They emptied the snow carts, wiped their sweaty foreheads, and took a breather.

Then, someone looked at the reservoir and gestured.

“What is that?”

“What?”

“Well, doesn’t that look like a moving snowball?”

“How can snow move?”

Everyone was tired from pulling the cart so they answered indifferently.

Growl.

However, everyone’s faces were heavily distorted by the sound that should not have been heard here.

“Run! It’s a monster!”

 

***

 

TL:

This chapter is for the sweetheart supernug who left a comment last chapter 🫰