Merry Christmas!!
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“…I got a little carried away. You’re right, killing them is not enough.”
His red eyes returned to their usual calm. His gray hair swayed gently in the breeze that carried the scent of grass. He stared at her, still, and then gave her a bitter smile.
“You worked really hard on your own while I was away. If I had known you were here, I would have come sooner. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”
“No, I didn’t expect to see you either, Espel, and I’m so glad I did.”
Elaine quickly shook her head and smiled slightly.
All traces of clues had been burned away, and Elaine was the only one who had witnessed the truth that day. There was no way Espel could have found the culprit with no clues, and he probably didn’t even know what’d happened to Bella.
He had nothing to apologize for. She was just grateful he was alive. But, there was still one thing she was curious about…
She wasn’t able to ask because they’d kept talking about other things. She quietly spoke.
“Espel, during this time… Where have you been?”
This was the question she wanted to ask the whole time.
“I thought that if you were alive, you might be with Ash.”
Because Ash was Bella’s son. Because he was the last remaining link to Bella in this world. She wondered if he, like herself, had come here looking for Ash.
So, while she stayed with Ash, she kept an eye out for Espel, but months passed and Elaine never saw any sign of him. Her hopes were dwindling, and then he appeared.
Espel nodded slowly.
“I was originally in Killiard, just like you.”
He said.
“Then circumstances arose, and I was out west for a while – it’s a long story – and now I wish I’d gone later, so I could have met you here long ago.”
“I see… Then have you met Ash?”
“No. I’ve never shown myself to him.”
He slowly shook his head and smiled bitterly.
“He’s been going through a difficult time because of his mother, who was a witch. Having a demon show up on top of that might’ve been too much for him.”
“Ah…”
When Elaine looked at him, unable to respond, he smiled and asked as if to brighten the mood.
“What about you? You said you’ve became Ash’s escort.”
Espel tilted his head.
“Does he know who you are?”
What he meant by that, was whether he knew about her relationship with Bella. Elaine shook her head weakly.
“I’m the same… I haven’t told him yet.”
She closed her eyes. A shadow fell over her face.
“I’m scared. I’m afraid that if he finds out I have Bella’s heart, he’ll hate me…”
Her voice trembled slightly at the end of her sentence. As she spoke out loud, fear rushed in again.
Yes, he’d hate her. Elaine placed her hand on her heart. As she felt the steady beating, guilt welled up and overtook her whole body.
“It’s because of me that Bella died.”
Her shoulders trembled slightly.
“If it weren’t for me, Bella wouldn’t have died. She tried to save me, but Bella…”
“Elaine.”
Espel gently grabbed her shoulder.
“Why do you put all the blame on yourself? Bella became like that because of those who cursed her.”
“…”
“And I am also partly responsible for what happened that day. If I’d been there, we might not have lost Bella. You would never have experienced pain like this, so…”
He made eye contact with her and spoke firmly.
“It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself anymore.”
Until now, Elaine had been unable to tell anyone about that night. She had no one to confide in. She had to hold on to her painful memories alone and drown out all her emotions. Although she blamed herself and regretted everything over and over countless times, she never told herself it wasn’t her fault. She couldn’t bring herself to.
But Espel said it to her so easily. It was hard for her to believe that he didn’t blame her, and he even told her not to blame herself. Suddenly, she felt like crying.
Her expression changed to one of tears.
“…This.”
Espel looked at her, troubled.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
He tenderly wiped her teary cheeks.
“Espel…”
He laughed softly when Elaine called his name in a watery voice.
“You’ve shed more tears tonight than I’ve ever seen before.”
“It’s all your fault…”
Elaine lowered her head and mumbled trying to hide her crying face. He must’ve had just as hard of a time as she did. Thinking about it, she shouldn’t be the only one receiving comfort like this.
After that, she couldn’t stop crying for a while. Espel waited for her without saying a word. After she finally stopped crying, they talked long into the night.
* * *
Ash sat in front of his office desk made of ebony wood and looked at the documents in front of him. Recently, he’d been working more than usual. There was a national event coming up.
The birthday festival commemorating the king’s birthday. All nobles with titles were required to attend the banquet, and Ash was no exception. While attending the banquet, the territory would be left empty. Considering the backlog of work he would have to face when he returned, it was better to do as much as he could before hand.
Ash had been signing documents all morning, but put down his quill for a moment. As he was massaging his stiff neck, a cool breeze blew in through the open window.
At the same time, loud cheers could be heard from outside. His eyes automatically looked out the window. Through the fluttering curtains, the training grounds could be seen from afar. There, the Philres Knights were in the midst of group training.
Ash scanned the dusty training ground and immediately spotted the familiar silver hair among the sweating knights.
All members were required to participate in regular training, Elaine was no exception. Although she wasn’t close by, as a master, he could clearly see her appearance.
Elaine had her long hair tied high and was sparring with another knight.
She dodged an attack aimed at her shoulder and countered with a flowing motion. The opponent’s sword was cleverly blocked. As if she had expected it, Elaine twisted her body first, right before their blades met and then attacked.
Could they really call this sparring? The corners of his mouth slightly rose when he saw her defeating her opponent in just a few moves. Ash, who was tapping the desk with her fingertips, muttered inadvertently.
“…I’d like to go see you for a moment.”
Hilaire was supervising today, but Ash would also supervise the trainings regularly. Even if he didn’t, it was natural for the duke to watch his knights train.
There was still a lot of paperwork to process, but didn’t Lowell tell his to take breaks too? He’ll just go out to get some fresh air and take a peek at Elaine’s face while he’s at it. Even if he couldn’t watch for long, he’d be able to see it better over there than up here…
As he thought about it, Ash couldn’t help but chuckle.
“What am I doing?”
He was like a sword when it came to his daily work. When there was something to do, he focused on it and didn’t look at anything else until it was done. Especially on days like now when he had a lot of work to do.
But before he knew it, work was on the back burner and all he wanted to do was make excuses to go see Elaine. It was something he would have never imagined before, in the past.
But now, it was hard not to think of her no matter what he was doing or where he was. If he wasn’t with her, he would go looking for her at some point, and if he was next to her, he would steal glances at her. When he saw her, it felt like something hot was clutching his heart.
It seemed to be getting worse than when he first realized he liked her. He thought it was just a crush, but when he realized that his feelings were deeper and heavier than that, he knew that he’d been completely wrong.
If this were something that could only be defined as a crush, he wouldn’t have felt this way. Ash rubbed his face and sighed softly. Then he stared at the training grounds again.
Training had already ended and everyone was settling down. Elaine could be seen leaving the training ground among the other members.
While everyone was returning to the Knights’ Building, she was the only one walking towards the mansion. In the past, he thought it was natural for her since she was his escort, but for some reason, it tickled his heart that the place she would naturally return to was by his side.
Elaine approached, passing by the fountain and statues in the garden. Ash didn’t take his eyes off her.
At that time, Elaine, who was approaching the front door, raised her head. Their eyes met. For a moment, Ash’s shoulders flinched. Her eyes widened slightly, she hadn’t expected to meet his gaze.
He almost turned his head away because he felt like he’d been caught spying. But he couldn’t out of fear that it would make him look guilty.
Ash made eye contact with her without blinking. After remaining frozen for a while, Elaine’s lips suddenly softened and she smiled.
‘Your Grace.’
He felt like he could hear her voice even though he only saw her mouth move. The summer sunlight shown down onto her. Her smiling face was pretty as she waved at him.
Why did she always smile at him like that? When he saw her smile, he realized once again that she was someone he could no longer live without. That she occupied too much space in his heart. That he couldn’t give up on her.
“…”
If he can’t give up, what did he plan on doing? Was he going to confess his feelings to her?
But he didn’t know what she thought of him. What if he confesses hastily and gets rejected?
