Episode 37: I Don’t Believe, I Don’t Buy, I Don’t Do (8)
“You can hold my hand as long as you need until it warms up. It’s no big deal, so don’t feel pressured.”
“Thank you… Sorry, it’s just that I’m far too cold to care about being self-conscious. The association sure keeps the air conditioning running strong…”
Sodam thought to herself how glad she was to have worn a knit sweater when leaving the house, just in case the cooling was over the top. After the Gunsan subjugation, she’d been showered with gifts, all winter clothes that looked far too expensive. At first, she felt hesitant to wear them—she could sense the association’s ulterior motive: “Dress up and work hard to Guide Baek Juyul.”
But the bitter cold each day made it impossible to resist. Her wardrobe consisted of nothing but the hoodie she’d been wearing from the start and a ragged, worn-out padded jacket. The warmth and quality of the new clothes were too tempting to reject, despite her misgivings. Whether to resent the association’s frigid air conditioning or admire their summer welfare provisions, she couldn’t decide.
“Since I’m the only one freezing to death here, I guess I should just be grateful. Holding hands with Cha Seonghwa alone is more than enough of a ‘benefit’ for me…”
The warmth spreading through her freezing fingertips felt pleasant. The icy cold that once made her hands feel as if they’d stick to ice was finally giving way to normal body temperature. Once her hands had warmed enough, however, her conscience returned—and with it, a blaring warning.
“What nonsense is this? After all that fuss about keeping your distance, you’re calling this a benefit? Go stand by a grill at a barbecue restaurant instead!”
As soon as clarity returned to her eyes, Sodam yanked her hands away as if she’d touched fire. Seonghwa’s now-empty hand hesitated for a moment before slowly retreating to its original position.
With their connection severed, an awkward silence settled firmly between them.
“…Uh.”
“…Uh.”
“P-Please, go ahead. I was just going to apologize.”
“No, no, I was about to say sorry for being overly nosy.”
“Oh, not at all! I’m incredibly grateful, really.”
“No worries. I told you not to feel burdened in the first place.”
“…”
“…”
What had been an easy flow of conversation until now suddenly felt like an illusion, replaced by a suffocatingly awkward silence. The once-cozy knit sweater now felt like it was strangling her, and Sodam reflexively tugged at its neckline. At the same time, Seonghwa, rubbing the back of his neck, broke the silence.
“Uh… I feel like I’ve been keeping you here too long, Guide Maeng Sodam.”
“Pardon? Oh, not at all. It hasn’t even been that long.”
“Still… I’ve heard that Guides aren’t supposed to leave the waiting room for more than an hour. I’d hate for you to face any penalties because of me.”
“It doesn’t matter since I was on my way out anyway. Don’t worry about it.”
Sodam waved her hand dismissively, trying to put Seonghwa at ease as he looked guiltier by the second. But something about his words nagged at her.
‘Wait. How does he know I was in the Guiding waiting room? …He’s supposed to think I’m Baek Juyul’s exclusive Guide, isn’t he?’
The Guiding waiting room was a space designated for free Guides—those not under contract with a specific Esper. It was exactly the kind of place someone like Sodam, currently unattached, would be. With 99.9% of its occupants being F-class Guides, it was tucked away in a forgotten corner of the association, a place no exclusive Guide would ever set foot in. It was practically hell for Guides.
By Seonghwa’s logic, Sodam’s presence there should have raised questions. His concern for her seemed too natural, requiring one critical assumption to make sense.
‘…That bastard must already know I’m not Baek Juyul’s exclusive Guide. And if he knows that, he must be keeping tabs on me.’
The realization made her stomach churn. She’d dismissed Seonghwa’s words and behavior as the harmless delusions of an out-of-touch man, but now they felt chilling.
The warmth in her eyes, thawed by Seonghwa’s earlier kindness, frosted over once more. Unconsciously stepping back to increase the distance between them, Sodam put on a polished business smile and asked in the most casual tone she could manage:
“…So, how did you know I was in the Guiding waiting room?”
“…”
“Oh, I’m not accusing you. I’m genuinely curious. Is there, like, a special scent they use in the waiting room or something?”
Of course, she was accusing him, but showing hostility would only make him more guarded. She phrased it lightly, as if it were a passing question, masking her suspicions.
Seeing him not as a potential ally but as a schemer—possibly even an enemy—made it easier for her to maintain her professional smile. Seonghwa, on the other hand, looked momentarily taken aback. The flash of surprise was brief, but Sodam, watching him intently, caught it.
‘What’s this guy’s game? Is he trying to link me and Baek Juyul so I’ll slip up and get pushed away from him?’
In her mind, Seonghwa’s title shifted from this guy to that bastard and then to this jerk, his reputation plummeting with every second. Unaware of his downward trajectory in Sodam’s thoughts, Seonghwa forced an unnatural smile.
“Ah… Guide Maeng Sodam, you’ve become quite famous lately. Honestly, I’ve heard more about you than about Juyul these days.”
“Really? That’s surprising~ I wasn’t trying to become famous, but I guess it happens.”
‘Wow, he’s outright lying now. Even if there are rumors, if he wanted to act like he trusted me, he shouldn’t have brought it up. This guy’s seriously dangerous.’
The doubts in her mind only multiplied, her smile taking on an icier edge. Meanwhile, Seonghwa stammered out an excuse, seemingly flustered.
“Well, I mean, it’s not unheard of for Guides with exclusive contracts to secretly guide other Espers on the side. I’ve heard it’s a good way to make some extra money.”
“Yeah, I suppose it would be, though compared to guiding Baek Juyul Esper, it really would be just pocket change.”
‘Not that I’ve done it, since I haven’t matched with anyone else yet, but that’s what I’ve heard.’
From the association’s perspective, it made sense why they wouldn’t give Sodam any work, no matter how much time she spent lingering in the waiting room. With Baek Juyul, the only SSS-class Esper, relying solely on her Guiding, they’d naturally worry about assigning her to other Espers in case it affected her ability to Guide him properly.
But it was frustrating beyond words. Blocking her only source of income for the sake of a man who hadn’t shown up in two weeks was driving her mad.
As she thought of her now-empty bank account, Sodam felt a pang in her chest and shook her head in exasperation.
‘Ugh. What’s the point of confronting this guy? It’s just that one of the original story’s characters has wandered into a group of people who probably already dislike me. I don’t have the energy to care about this bastard. My bank account is the real problem here.’
With both Samuyeon and now Seonghwa showing up, she felt like her mental stamina for the day had been entirely depleted. She resisted the urge to rub her face in frustration and spoke in a weary voice.
“Anyway… it’s lucky it was me sitting there. If it had been another Guide, it could’ve been a real problem. They might’ve clung to you, begging to be assigned as your exclusive Guide.”
“Ah, that’s not—”
“Being kind and considerate is nice, but don’t expect the other person to respond the same way. By the way, I heard you don’t have an exclusive Guide yet, Esper Cha Seonghwa? So, were you pretending to collapse here to bait someone to fill the position?”
“No, that’s not what I—”
“And Baek Juyul—well, he’s an ass, so—oh, I’m sorry, I mean, Esper Baek Juyul has such a difficult personality that fewer people targeted him. If you keep being so nice, life’s going to be tough for you.”
“…”
The words slipped out before she could stop them, her genuine feelings escaping through the cracks in her composure. Fixing the slip with an earnest apology felt like too much effort, so she brushed past it.
Seonghwa tried to interject multiple times, but Sodam was too focused on finishing her own thoughts to let him speak. Eventually, he gave up and closed his mouth.
This allowed her to wrap up her speech and even manage a polite farewell.
“Well, I’ll get going now. …I just said that out of concern, so please don’t take it as nagging.”
Without waiting for Seonghwa’s response, Sodam quickly bowed her head and turned to leave. She moved with such urgency that it felt as though she was escaping from the battlefield of their conversation.
‘They say you can’t trust anyone in this world, but I can’t believe I can’t even trust the pushover second male lead from the original story. I really want to run away from this place full of enemies.’
Her steps, filled with a genuine desire to flee, quickened down the hallway.
Left standing there, Seonghwa stared blankly after Sodam’s retreating figure. After a moment, he muttered the words he hadn’t been able to say earlier.
“…I only reached out because it was you sitting there, Guide Maeng Sodam.”
But unlike the lingering chill in his hands, the person who might have listened to his words had already long disappeared.
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