Episode 34: I Don’t Believe, I Don’t Buy, I Don’t Do (5)
“…? Uh, yeah. Sure.”
“I’ll be heading out now, but you should stay and rest a bit longer. If you’re planning to collapse again while walking home alone, feel free to leave right away.”
“What? Wait, where did you even hear about that?”
“Don’t forget—the Association has eyes and ears even in the walls.”
“No, seriously, how did you find out about that?”
Sodam’s continued questions were cleanly ignored as Juyul left the Guiding Room. With a heavy thud, the door closed behind him, and his expression turned cold and composed. He couldn’t quite understand why he had chosen to refuse her Guiding just now. After a moment of deliberation, he decided to attribute it to his own reluctance to demand excessive Guiding from a low-ranking Guide, even if there was a chance she could be a spy.
Yet, he deliberately pushed aside the fact that he couldn’t fully explain why he had insisted on looking her in the eyes while pleasuring himself. Instead, he focused on maintaining his detached demeanor, forcing his thoughts to remain logical and cold as he deliberately suppressed any lingering distractions.
‘I should start narrowing down the list of people who might have had contact with her.’
As he mentally reviewed various possibilities, his hand unconsciously twitched, as if chasing after the faint warmth that lingered on his skin. The instinctive longing for that warmth, stronger than it had been the day before, irritated him. Clenching and unclenching his fists as though trying to rid himself of the clinging sensation, he let out another sharp click of his tongue, frustrated by his inability to shake off the discomfort.
‘I’ve figured out enough about her identity, so there’s no reason to meet her again. …There can’t be.’
Even as he walked down the empty hallway, vague thoughts refused to leave his mind. The image of her thin body beneath her clothes, her pale, trembling hands, and that foolishly smiling face masking it all—it all lingered far too vividly.
He could now easily imagine the scene he’d only heard about before: Sodam collapsing while walking out alone after a Guiding session. The mere thought of it made his brows knit tightly, the expression etched with irritation and unease refusing to soften. Was this the so-called possessiveness that senior Espers had mentioned—an instinctive attachment an Esper develops toward a Guide?
For someone like him, who had always treated Guides as disposable tools to avoid becoming the “true monster” capable of killing them through over-Guiding, this was an utterly foreign sensation.
“…I really need to keep my distance. Espers—what a cursed breed we are.”
* * *
Meanwhile, Sodam, left alone, sat in stunned silence, her expression a mix of confusion and disbelief.
“No, if he knows that, doesn’t that mean he talked to Cha Seonghwa? Then why didn’t he say anything else and just walk off after mentioning I collapsed…?”
If Juyul really had spoken with Seonghwa, there were far more pressing topics to address than the fact that Sodam had fainted. No matter how often they met, the gap between a merely assigned Guide and a dedicated Guide was immense.
Becoming a dedicated Guide wasn’t just about signing a contract. It meant becoming the one and only Guide for that Esper—someone who could never be replaced unless the Guide was near death, missing, or otherwise completely incapable of performing their duties. It was a mutual declaration of a relationship so exclusive and intense that it bordered on obsession, one difficult to understand through common sense.
And here she was, falsely claiming to be in such a relationship with Juyul. If the Association found out, she’d undoubtedly face serious consequences. Yet the person most affected, Juyul, hadn’t uttered a word of protest.
Of course, it wasn’t as if Sodam hadn’t worried about this when she lied to Seonghwa. The original story repeatedly emphasized the significance of a “dedicated Guide,” and Juyul only established such a contract with the main heroine, and even that happened much later in the plot.
She had expected Juyul’s reaction to be harsh—perhaps a furious warning to stay in her place or complete severance of their relationship, viewing her as an overly ambitious Guide aiming for a role far beyond her rank.
Instead, his detached yet strangely concerned words and departure left her feeling even more uneasy. Sodam sighed heavily, running her hands over her face in frustration.
“What is he doing to me? There’s no way he’s genuinely worried about me, right? He hates low-ranking Guides….”
Ever since the Gunsan subjugation, Juyul had inexplicably started closing the distance between them, and it was giving her a headache. As with every other possession case she had seen, the thought of some kind of romance brewing between them felt absurd. No, it wasn’t even a hope—it was a suspicion. His eyes were far too cold to suggest otherwise.
At some point, she had caught a glimpse of a kind gaze in his eyes, but it had vanished so quickly that she couldn’t be sure if she had seen it at all or if her mind was playing tricks on her.
The fiery gaze he gave during Guiding sessions could be chalked up to lust, but his behavior today—pushing her away the moment he noticed her hands—was completely baffling. After agonizing over Juyul’s confusing attitude for a long time, Sodam blurted out her most dreadful prediction for the future.
“Don’t tell me he’s going to call me again next week? …No way, right?”
But contrary to her worries, Juyul didn’t summon her the following week or even the week after. Before she could fully process the hollow chill that swept through her chest at the realization, a new complication landed squarely in her path.
“…So, who exactly are you again?”
“It’s a bit heartbreaking to hear you’ve forgotten me… but starting over from scratch doesn’t sound so bad. My name is Samuyeon.”
Q. So, I’m a possessor, and apparently, the body’s previous owner had joined a cult before I took over. Now, someone who’s clearly the cult leader is acting all familiar with me. Oh, and this guy? He also tried to kill me. What do I do? Asking for advice. [100 points]
A. Hmm… Good question. What are you going to do?
┗ Reporting this as an unhelpful response.
Sodam quickly ran the Q&A session through her head and unconsciously stepped back. But almost immediately, the thought struck her: she couldn’t let him realize she knew he had tried to kill her.
Ignoring the cold sweat trickling down her back, she steadied herself, pretending she’d merely lost her balance, and took a step closer to Muyeon with feigned ease.
‘…Memory loss. Yeah, let’s go with that.’
After swiftly organizing her thoughts, she hid her unease, forcing an awkward smile as she rattled off a clumsy excuse.
“Oh, well, actually… starting last month, I suddenly lost all my memories. Were we… close?”
“Ah, memory loss, you say. That’s quite unfortunate. I’d thought we’d built up many fond memories together, but to think they’ve all been erased.”
The sheer audacity of those words. To say such things to someone he’d tried—and succeeded—in killing before. Her feelings toward him had now shifted past disgust and straight into the realm of terror.
As Sodam awkwardly maintained her smile, her complexion growing paler by the second, Muyeon narrowed his eyes slightly, then let out a chuckle.
“Not to worry—we weren’t romantically involved or anything. Though, I must admit, that’s something I’ve hoped for…”
“…What? Us? When?”
“Would it help jog your memory if I told you? The first time I realized my feelings for you was the day before you lost your memories. It was a hot day, stifling air all around, and yet I’d never seen such a radiant smile.”
‘This insane bastard… How can he lie so effortlessly without even bothering to wet his lips first?’
The day he claimed was before her memory loss was, of course, the same day he murdered the body’s original owner. Sodam had never actually lost her memory, but if his claim were true, what would he do when she supposedly regained her “memories”?
‘Could he… try to strangle me again?’
The scars on her neck, which had faded completely thanks to the medicine from Seonghwa and, strangely, even Juyul, seemed to resurface vividly in her mind. Her hand instinctively reached for the pocketknife she always carried, tucked safely in her pocket out of habit. Just holding it brought her a small measure of relief.
Though her fear of him remained, gripping the knife gave her a sense of minimal security. That little boost in confidence allowed her to plaster a much more natural smile on her face. Seeing this, Muyeon’s grin deepened further, a reaction that made her stomach churn.
“The fact that you’re currently Guiding Esper Baek Juyul—that was actually my suggestion,” Muyeon said smoothly.
“…Oh, I see,” she replied cautiously.
“If you keep putting in a bit more effort, I’m sure you’ll achieve the position you’ve been aiming for.”
The “position you’ve been aiming for” undoubtedly referred to becoming Juyul’s dedicated Guide. Given the original owner’s actions, it wasn’t unreasonable for Muyeon to misinterpret things this way, but Sodam, who now inhabited this body, wanted nothing less. If anything, her goal was to avoid that role with every fiber of her being. She’d rather be nothing more than a speck of dust on the red carpet that lay before Juyul.
‘A quiet life, like the one an extra deserves, is all I need. So what if I got tangled with the protagonist for a bit? I’ve done my part as an early-game distraction. It’s time for me to naturally fade into obscurity.’
The thought should have been perfectly reasonable, yet for some reason, it left a bitter taste in her mouth. Continuing this conversation with Muyeon felt like a surefire way to upset herself further. Worse, digging into the reasons behind that bitterness might uncover emotions she’d worked hard to lock away.
The private meeting with Muyeon, unpleasant from the start, now felt downright suffocating. She tried to subtly steer the conversation toward its end, shifting her gaze uncomfortably. Just as she thought she might escape, Muyeon’s fox-like smile and sharp words caught her off guard, freezing her in place.
“I heard you haven’t been assigned any Espers for over two weeks.”
“…”
“But don’t worry too much. In the future I saw, Sodam, you were sitting comfortably in the position you desired.”
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