Episode 30: I Don’t Believe, I Don’t Buy, I Don’t Do (1)

However, the thought of being tethered to Juyul was worse than enduring a week of sacrifices. Reluctantly, she had no choice but to buy a pile of groceries, hoping that by next week, Juyul’s bizarre suspicion and obsession would finally come to an end.

But this, too, turned out to be a hurdle.

‘The gas got cut off… Of course, the water’s only cold too. At this rate, I’ve used the microwave for every possible recipe…’

Another week passed like that, with Guiding sessions ending with just a light kiss.

The first week went quietly, but by the second and third weeks, Juyul’s constant summoning had started to make Sodam uneasy.

It wasn’t the kissing that bothered her as much as how he spent nearly an hour just staring at her face. She couldn’t understand why.

By the third Monday, when Juyul began yet another session of “staring at her face,” Sodam pleaded with him as if her life depended on it to let her do proper Guiding.

To her, a kiss wasn’t proper Guiding. What she considered “proper” was something professional and detached—like holding hands. That was the kind of Guiding she wanted.

‘Are Espers and Guides in this world even sane? How can they treat something like this with such nonchalance? Every time Baek Juyul leans in for a kiss, my heart feels like it’s going to explode!’

She’d heard that it wasn’t uncommon for people to end up married after continued Guiding. But not everyone did, meaning there were also those who maintained romantic relationships with others despite engaging in such intimate Guiding.

No matter how much she told herself it was “just work,” she couldn’t adapt to this kind of “work.” After a month of enduring this ridiculous situation, her heart began to misunderstand her intentions, beating even harder every time she looked at Juyul.

When she finally begged for “proper Guiding,” Juyul’s response left her speechless.

“So, which do you prefer?”

“What… what are you talking about?”

“Do you prefer to do the sucking or be sucked?”

“This is insane… Can’t we just hold hands?”

“You said you wanted proper Guiding. How can holding hands count as Guiding?”

What frustrated Sodam the most was that Juyul wasn’t entirely wrong. Holding hands only benefited her own heart while being an inefficient and exhausting way to Guide. It didn’t absorb enough contamination, required far more effort on her part, and worsened her physical condition.

She understood that Juyul’s suggestion was more effective. She understood it—but she couldn’t bring herself to follow through.

Of course, Juyul wasn’t about to compromise just because she hesitated. Already accustomed to Guiding through kisses, he now wanted more. Dismissively, he made it clear that “handholding” wasn’t enough, leaving Sodam with only one, more passive option.

At least one fortunate thing about this chaotic Guiding arrangement was that she had become accustomed to physical contact with Juyul. She no longer felt as frantic or overwhelmed as before.

Still, timing was critical when letting her mind wander during their Guiding sessions. Otherwise, very unsettling things could happen.

“If that’s how it’s going to be, maybe we shouldn’t do Guiding today. You seem to agree.”

…And then, as if his striking beauty suddenly loomed too close to her face.

Starting this week, Juyul had begun weaponizing his looks.

Every time she saw his face up close, her heart pounded uncontrollably—something entirely out of her control. It was an attack that hit its mark 100% of the time, no matter how hard she tried to resist by squeezing her eyes shut.

“Oh, so now you’re saying you can’t even stand the sight of my face? I can still hear you saying, ‘If it weren’t for his face, I’d have run away already.’ It’s burned into my ears.”

“That’s not what I meant at all!”

What was she supposed to do with this sly protagonist who somehow always got her to open her eyes again? The way he casually joked around now made her feel even more uncertain about her future.

As she let out a heavy sigh in frustration, Juyul’s hand, which had been adjusting his posture, suddenly lifted her clothing.

“Wh-why are you doing this all of a sudden?”

“Seems like you’re having trouble focusing. You said you don’t dislike Guiding, so we might as well finish what we started.”

“But the pace is… too fast…”

It was overwhelming for her to deal with him so suddenly. Sodam had begged Juyul to slow things down, so he’d stuck to touching her waist and stomach for the most part. Yet, even with the slowed pace, her mind kept wandering.

Now, however, there was no room for her thoughts to drift. Even though this was supposed to be “work,” and even though she was technically being compensated for it, seeing the faintly revealing black lace undergarments she had on, illuminated under the bright light, was unbearable.

Juyul seemed equally taken aback, staring dumbly at her chest. Seeing his reaction made Sodam’s face flush even redder. Embarrassed, she raised her arms to cover her face.

“Please don’t stare like that. It’s not like I ‘wanted’ to wear this!”

“Hm. This is coming from someone who showed up to our first meeting without wearing any undergarments at all.”

“That was only because I didn’t think anything like ‘that’ would happen! I’d washed everything I had, and… well, these came with the clothes the Association sent me, so I just decided to try them on…”

She had no idea why she was even explaining herself at this point. In an attempt to defuse the awkwardness, she said whatever came to mind. But something she said seemed to catch Juyul’s attention. He paused his movements and asked:

“…You’re saying this was included with the clothes they sent you? Something like ‘this’?”

“Ah! Don’t poke there!”

“Hmm. The Association has… peculiar taste. Lace, of all things.”

Ignoring her protests, Juyul pressed his fingers against her side and prodded her lightly before slowly beginning to massage her chest with deliberate care. His thumb circled the area close to her collarbone, almost as if he were trying to test her patience.

Though she’d been touched before during Guiding, the sensation of him handling her this carefully—using both hands—was new to her. She found herself reflexively curling her shoulders.

To Sodam, this was Juyul’s greatest flaw. He’d start with an attitude that made her feel like a mere tool, treating her roughly, but the moment they got deeper into the session, his actions softened, becoming unexpectedly gentle.

Even as he tried to keep her at a distance, his natural instincts betrayed him, showing care and tenderness that left her feeling even more flustered.

If he had treated her strictly as a tool, she might have found it unpleasant but could have maintained a professional demeanor. But the kindness in his touch during these sessions made her want to cry from frustration.

And it was happening now. While his hands softly worked over her chest, taking care not to hurt her, her heart pounded uncontrollably. Desperate to suppress her erratic heartbeat, Sodam decided to distract him instead.

Since Juyul had removed his jacket, presumably to make her feel less self-conscious, she took the opportunity to grab his collar, pulling him closer. Then, without hesitation, she kissed him, her free hand covering the one still resting on her chest.

“Just get the Guiding done already. Don’t waste time pretending to ‘only’ do that.”

“…Who was the one asking to take it slow earlier?”

“The old me. The current me wants this over quickly.”

Her words were practically nonsensical, making Juyul chuckle. She braced herself for him to dismiss her request, but instead, his knee shifted closer between her legs, signaling his agreement.

With smoother movements than before, Juyul’s hand slipped beneath the edge of her bra, pushing it aside just enough to reveal what it had covered. The way it rested awkwardly right above her skin made her want to pull it off completely, just to get it over with.

“If it’s going to be like this, I’ll just take it off myself…”

“I prefer it this way. The lace suits you—your fair skin makes it stand out nicely.”

“…Can you not say things like that?”

The Baek Juyul Sodam remembered wasn’t someone who would say such flirtatious things, but somehow, here he was. She wanted to argue back, but the moment his fingers brushed over the sensitive skin beneath the lace, her protest dissolved into silence.

Juyul’s thumb and middle finger pinched gently, coaxing her sensitive skin into reacting, and he used his nails lightly to graze the area, eliciting a response she couldn’t suppress. All the while, his lips continued to hover near her face, occasionally brushing against her skin.

When he finished teasing one side, he moved to the other with just as much care, intensifying the sensation. Then he shifted positions entirely, moving one of her legs onto his shoulder while settling between her thighs. His movements were so smooth and deliberate that it left her feeling completely out of control.

The closeness was overwhelming. The warmth of his body pressed against hers left her unable to focus on anything else.

 

 

 

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