I had to hurry to match the duke’s long legs. Glancing back and realizing I struggled to follow with my poor stamina, he gradually slowed down to match my pace.
“Why have you called me?”
“Do you know about Rayes’ esteemed lady?” The duke asked, walking down a long corridor bathed in bright sunlight.
I was probably the person who knew about the Rayes’ princess, the best in this world. I knew she was terminally ill, and I knew the cause… though I wasn’t sure if there was a cure.
But, of course, I replied that I didn’t know.
“My wife knew that daughters were rare in our family, yet she always wanted a daughter.” The duke started. “When we had our third child, and she found out it was a girl, she was overjoyed. She made countless plans, saying we could buy dresses together, go on picnics together…”
“. . .”
“The child was born safely, but my wife passed away a few months later. And on the third anniversary of her passing, the last gift she left behind, our daughter, disappeared.”
The words I had read before didn’t match his wounded expression. A simple “sad” couldn’t convey his true emotions. He seemed composed, but he had spent twelve years with a broken heart. Even though I already knew the story, it hit me like a blow to the head. His emotions were so deep that they were hard to measure—that was the first reason. The second reason was that, for the first time in a long time, I thought of the family I had left behind in another world.
I walked alongside him in silence. The duke stopped in front of a room and opened the door. The room was Rayes’ princess room, where she had been kidnapped twelve years ago. The room was spotless, and rather than looking like a room for a three-year-old baby, it was decorated more like a room for a fifteen-year-old girl who was currently using it.
“They all said I was crazy, redecorating the room every year, even without her returning. But we don’t know when or if she’ll ever come back, and if she suddenly returns to find this room covered in white curtains, that child might be disappointed.”
“…Why are you telling me this?” My heart raced. Warmth tingled in my chest, a sensation I had unknowingly yearned for since the moment I lost my family.
~
“You know mom loves you, right? I’m sorry for scolding you earlier.”
“Oh my, look at you. Are you upset? It’s alright, really. I’ll make you your favorite pasta for dinner tonight; how about that? My~ I just saw you smiling~”
“Don’t you want to go on a walk with Dad? If you go with me, I’ll buy you ice cream.”
“What’s the point of going on a walk and eating ice cream? No, let’s just eat the pasta I make. And let’s all go for a walk together. The stars are really pretty today!”
~
The duke’s silver hair, similar to mine, fluttered in the wind coming through the open window.
“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to make you Lady Rayes. If the child I last saw at the age of three had grown up, she’d pretty much like you.”
The faces that sometimes came to mind and that I tried hard to forget since I had fallen into this world but still missed, overlapped with the duke’s face.
~
“Baby, should I go pick you up today? It’s just that Mom had a bad dream today… Oh, the bus arrived? Then… come home safely!”
~
“What do you think about becoming my daughter?”
I had tried so hard to forget how much I missed them, but I found myself crying, overcome by longing.
“I will.”
“What?”
“I said, I will, being your daughter.”
The duke was taken aback by my quick decision, and he wondered if it was not a rather hasty one. However, who would refuse to be adopted into the Rayes Duchy? Especially in my case.
“Losing someone precious is like losing a part of yourself, but I wonder if I can truly fill that void.”
It had been 15 years since I had left my home, the place I had always referred to as “home,” as if it were a habit. “Hell-Joseon,”1 how did I end up being born in a country like that? I used to ask. But that world itself wasn’t what I missed. Humans are adaptable creatures, and we can attach ourselves to new environments with ease. Yet, a large hole in my heart refused to leave. I considered the orphanage children as siblings, and Luka was like my own true brother, but… I had never truly forgotten my original family for even a single moment. Their faces and voices had become faint with time, and that terrified me endlessly. In a world without photos or recordings, if they were to disappear from my mind, it would truly be farewell forever.
‘So, please…
‘If you can, before I go crazy, fill this emptiness within me, please.’
So, someday, when everything becomes truly blurry, I won’t have to live with one side of my heart forever empty.
The duke wiped away the tears on my cheek with his large hand. Despite his icy appearance, his hand was warm.
‘Don’t people say if your hand is warm, your heart is warm too? But I won’t be banished like in a novel, right?’ At least, I had no intention of doing anything that would lead to exile.
“I promise you. I don’t know where you’ve been or what you’ve been through all this time, but now that you’re my daughter, you’ll be safe from anything.” The duke ruffled my hair and said as if reading my heart.
‘Oh? He’s smiling.’
Seeing a person who didn’t seem like he would smile anytime soon, and a very handsome one at that, made me smile unknowingly, too.
“I think I should go see Luka now. I have to let him know we won’t be going together.”
“Ok, let’s go.”
Unlike when we arrived, the duke and I walked side by side as we left. I reached out to hold his large hand first. The rough, calloused hand of the man known as the mad wolf and murderer of the north paused for a moment, feeling my small hand, but soon held it warmly.
At that moment, a faint echo of the memories from when I was first reborn here passed through, like a fleeting trace. I thought my first memory was being left in the back of a carriage and abandoned at the orphanage, but it wasn’t.
~
“Can hands this small even hold a teaspoon?”
“Kane, you’ll wear out the baby’s hands. If you keep holding them like that every day, her fingerprints will disappear.”
“She might catch a bear someday with these tiny hands. She’s my daughter, after all.”
~
I felt that warm and faint sensation.
‘”I’m your real daughter.” I wish I could say it someday.’
With that thought, we returned to the room.
* * *
There were far more cards stuck in the hallway than when I left.
‘No, can really simple cards with no blades on them stick to marble?’ The floor was covered in marble dust.
As I approached the open door, another card flew past. The card that passed right in front of my nose took me by surprise. The duke, behind me, pulled me back and swiftly caught the flying card with his bare hand.
“Leah, are you okay?” Luka, who had noticed me belatedly, came running.
Miller, who had cards between each finger as if loaded with ammo, rushed towards me.
“His Highness lost the right to take Leah away again.”
Luka sent another card flying towards Miller at an unbelievable speed. He evaded the card that almost hit him, and of course, it pierced through the marble.
“Leah already has no intention of going with me.” Luka approached me and then looked at the duke behind me. “Treat Leah dearly and protect her. This is not a request, but an order.”
“I promise with my life.”
“Luka, will you be okay without me? If you want, I’ll go with you.”
In response to my words, Luka faintly smiled and shook his head.
“No. Everything Leah wanted is here.”
For some reason, Luka’s expression as he said that felt somewhat bitter.
“Miller, come out and prepare to go to the royal palace, too.”
The duke left us, saying they were departing in ten minutes.
“Luka, I worry about you. You’re still a kid, and where you’re going right now is a very dangerous place.”
‘I know there are more people who will attack you than welcome you.’
“But I still have to trust you and let you go, right?” I brushed Luka’s black hair as I spoke.
Luka lowered his head slightly and said,
“Before that… Leah, there’s something I need to say.”
With a somber expression, Luka met my gaze.
1. [Hell-Joseon is an old internet slang that Koreans used around 2015 to talk about how hard it was to live in their country.]↩
I just love how leah accept the offer for being the duke’s daughter without hesitating!
Thank you, Jess for picking up this gem of a story. I especially love your helpful remarks