Chapter 5
Noctem’s funeral was conducted swiftly.
The carriage accident was attributed to a natural mana explosion, leaving no room for further investigation.
However, those harboring malice against Charlotte spread rumors that, due to her pathological suspicion and betrayal, she had caused the explosion—a so-called natural disaster—to kill Noctem.
Most people didn’t believe it, but those who encountered her at the funeral couldn’t help but entertain the possibility.
How could she not shed a single tear despite the death of a husband who had cherished and devoted himself to her?
“An evil woman.”
“She’s utterly mad, that one.”
“Poor Grand Duke.”
“Why does His Majesty keep a woman like that alive?”
The colorful insults whispered behind her back grew louder.
Charlotte ignored the nobles who seemed more eager to criticize her than mourn Noctem, keeping her gaze fixed on his casket.
Her husband lay within.
Reality had yet to sink in, and she blinked slowly, feeling as if time itself had come to a halt.
Noctem couldn’t be dead. He was the male protagonist of this world.
How could the male lead of a happy-ending novel die?
Then why are you dead?
…Why is it you, and not me?
A cold drop slid down her cheek. Was it a tear?
Although moisture seeped into her thin gloves, her eyes felt dry and cracked.
She wiped at her face, then looked up at the sky. Almost as if on cue, the rain began to pour relentlessly.
While the nobles scrambled to fetch umbrellas through their attendants, Charlotte remained standing in place, letting the rain soak her until her silhouette became entirely visible through her drenched clothes.
Her eyes stung from the rainwater, and her vision blurred. Amid the downpour, she thought she saw a faint illusion of something pale pink swaying in the distance.
As she wiped the rain from her face to confirm it, a large black umbrella blocked her view.
Adrian, tilting the umbrella almost entirely toward her, spoke calmly.
“His Majesty will be arriving soon. He said he would personally lay the casket to rest—not as an emperor, but as a brother.”
“…”
“The role of being his wife ends here.”
His words cut into Charlotte’s chest like a cold blade.
“The role of being his wife”—indeed, her marriage to Noctem had felt less like a union and more like a performance.
Ironically, only now did a pang of regret strike her.
She didn’t have time to dwell on those feelings, as the emperor arrived at the funeral.
Even though the rain hadn’t touched him, his face was streaked with tears.
The emperor wept bitterly, his sorrow moving others to tears as well. The sight of his grief, so pitiful and heartrending, caused the nobles standing behind him to sniffle one by one.
Listening to their faint sobs, Charlotte spoke softly to the lifeless Noctem in the casket.
“Perhaps, as they say, I really am an evil woman, Noctem.”
I can’t cry. Truly, I can’t shed a single tear…
And so, even as his casket was placed into the dry ground prepared in advance and the priest’s final prayer was recited, Charlotte did not cry.
Perhaps due to the suddenness of Noctem’s death, the trial to determine Charlotte’s alleged crimes never took place.
It might also have been because there was no one else to take charge of the Grand Duchy in his absence.
There was no time to mourn his loss. The Grand Duchy bustled with activity, busy sorting through Noctem’s belongings and reorganizing its structure under Charlotte’s leadership as the new head.
The imperial family frequently sent mages to retrieve Noctem’s confidential research on magic.
By the end of the week, it was as if the Grand Duke Noctem Aphros had never existed.
Charlotte’s steps faltered as she gripped the doorknob to Noctem’s office.
“The office contains many items we dare not touch, Your Grace,” the butler had informed her.
“…I understand,” she replied quietly, though her shoulders tensed at being called “Your Grace.” With a stiff nod, she turned the doorknob and stepped inside.
It had been about a week since anyone entered the office, and the room was thick with dust and stale air. Suppressing the urge to cough, Charlotte moved forward, her steps trembling like the quivering of a frail sapling.
Her unsteady hand brushed against the dusty desk, and her fingers caught on a white feathered quill—his favorite. She instinctively picked it up and held it for a moment before setting it down. Slowly, she walked to his chair and sat down.
The chair, custom-made for Noctem’s physique, was uncomfortably oversized for her. The armrests, the back, and the seat itself were all too high.
Dangling her feet, she let out a small sigh and opened the desk drawers. One side contained his well-used writing tools, his seal, and stacks of confidential documents. They were utterly ordinary.
But when she opened the other drawer, the items inside were anything but ordinary.
“This is…”
Inside were trinkets and treasures of a sentimental nature. A ribbon he had once overpaid for after being swindled by a merchant, a brooch matching the color of her eyes, a necklace and earrings resembling the cufflinks he always wore, and two sets of rings.
There were enough precious items to open a jewelry store.
When Charlotte opened the next drawer, she found stacks upon stacks of letters—easily hundreds. She pulled one out at random and unfolded it.
“To my one and only love, Charlotte.
I know you’ll never read this letter, but as always, I can’t help but feel my heart stir the moment I pick up a pen. Charlotte, my dear…”
“Still, today I must start with this: my one and only love, Charlotte Daphne Aphros, happy birthday.”
“Ah…”
A soft exhale, a mix of wonder and disbelief, escaped her lips.
She hadn’t imagined he would write such things.
Her eyes returned to the letter, and she read on.
“This is the first birthday we’ll celebrate together. I’m so thrilled I can’t sleep, so I’ve taken to writing this instead.
Originally, I wanted to include my thoughts after seeing your reaction to my gift, but…
I hope you won’t mind if today’s letter is longer than usual, Charlotte? Knowing your kind heart, I trust you’ll smile warmly and forgive me.”
“You’re the only one who thinks I’m so kind, Noctem,” she muttered softly.
When would he let go of that peculiar notion about her?
Still, despite her words, a faint smile graced her lips, just as he had described.
“This will be your first birthday since we got married. I can’t wait.
The butler told me you instructed not to hold a banquet and assured me I shouldn’t feel disappointed.
But do you know what, Charlotte? I was overjoyed.
It means I’ll have the chance to celebrate your birthday alone with you, without any interruptions.”
Her fingers tightened slightly around the letter, the smile lingering as a bittersweet ache began to take root in her chest.
Charlotte’s trembling fingers traced the smooth paper of Noctem’s letter, his playful words lingering in her mind:
“I prepared a birthday gift for you. Though my skills are lacking, I wanted to set a table for your birthday myself.
I hope you don’t frown too much when you taste the cake I made.
Should I pray to the heavens now?
But to me, Charlotte, you are my only deity, so I held back, fearing you might hear my prayers. Please forgive me, just for today.”
Her grip on the letter tightened, and she found herself unable to summon the bright smile his words deserved.
She remembered the day he had awkwardly asked, “My lady, happy birthday! I’ve prepared a meal for you. Shall we share it together?”
And her cutting reply: “I told you, there’s no need to fuss over such things. I’d prefer to spend my birthday alone. Please leave, Your Grace.”
She hadn’t even looked at him. Her curt, irritated tone must have wounded him deeply.
“I hope to see you smiling brightly after tasting the cake and steak I made for you.
Lastly, thank you for spending your birthday by my side, Charlotte.
On this blessed day of November 11, 844 Imperial Year, when the heavens sent down an angel to grace this world.
With all my love, Noctem Aphros.”
“Why… Why did you love me so much?”
Her voice broke as if it could not bear the weight of the words. Her chest heaved, and a choked sob escaped her lips.
“Ah… Ahh…”
Her hands flew to her mouth in a futile attempt to stifle her cries. But the dam had broken, and tears streamed freely down her face. Her body quaked violently, wracked with a torrent of emotions she could no longer contain.
You didn’t have to love someone like me so much.
You didn’t have to cling to a love that would eventually be forgotten.
You didn’t have to take on even the death meant for me.
Her tears fell onto the letter, smudging the carefully penned words as if her grief sought to blot out the very evidence of his devotion. She clung to the oversized chair, pressing herself into it as though it were his embrace.
For a long time, Charlotte remained in that position, sobbing uncontrollably.
By the time she calmed down, the sun had dipped far lower in the sky, casting a warm, fading glow over the room. Her tear-streaked face was flushed, and her eyes felt raw and swollen.
With trembling hands, she placed the letter back on the desk. Her gaze fell on the pile of unopened letters, and instinctively, she picked up another. But instead of opening it immediately, she held it close, running her fingers over the envelope.
“I’ll read one every day… just like you wrote one every day,” she murmured.
It was her way of sharing his pain, of finally acknowledging the depth of his love.
Whether it was a belated regret or a self-imposed penance, Charlotte knew she deserved it. And so, she vowed to carry the burden of his love, one letter at a time.
Charlotte’s fingers shook as she read Noctem’s letters, each one a reflection of his love, his vulnerabilities, and the complexities of their relationship. The pain in each letter made her chest ache, but it was also a bittersweet reminder of what she had lost.
March 23, 845, Imperial Year
“To my beloved wife, Charlotte,
I saw you walking in the garden today. I feared you might notice me, so I unintentionally used invisibility magic and followed you. It reminds me of when we were younger.
Did you like the camellias? I planted them because they’re your birth flower. I hope one day we can walk side by side and I can tell you this:
‘I love you more than anyone else.’
I long for the day when you give me a single camellia flower.
Yours forever, Noctem Aphros.”
Charlotte felt a lump in her throat as she read the familiar words. She had forgotten about the camellias, and the memory of them, blooming in their garden, hit her with an unexpected wave of grief. She could see him there, quietly watching her, waiting for a smile that would never come.
August 1, 845, Imperial Year
“To my strong wife, Charlotte,
First of all, I owe you an apology.
When I heard that you had caught a cold, I secretly entered your room and watched you while you slept for a long time.
If I had been a more reliable husband, how much better it would have been for you.
You could have leaned on me, trusted me.
But you couldn’t trust me, and it’s all my fault.
I’m sorry, Charlotte.
I’m sorry I’m such a useless husband.
I’m sorry I couldn’t share your pain.
Your husband, Noctem Aphros.”
Charlotte closed her eyes as the weight of his words settled heavily in her heart. She remembered those moments, the times he had watched over her, hoping she wouldn’t feel alone. She remembered his quiet pain, masked by his attempts to be everything she needed, and she couldn’t help but feel guilty. He had been trying so hard, and yet she had pushed him away.
October 15, 846, Imperial Year
“To my eternal wife, Charlotte,
Do you really like the Marquis that much?
He’s of lower rank than me, and he doesn’t even use magic. His speech is crude, and he’s involved in countless scandals.
Do you know how many dirty dealings he’s been involved in?
So why, why would you ride in a carriage with such a man?
I know. I know what you said. You told me you hated everything about me.
But my love, Charlotte.
From the moment I first saw you, I became someone who couldn’t live without you.
I can’t live without you.
And so, in this matter, I can’t help but be selfish.
I love you. I love you, Charlotte.
Even if you don’t love me…
I’m sorry, Charlotte. I’m sorry for loving you so much.
But I’ll never regret it.
And I will never divorce you.
Your eternal husband, Noctem Aphros.”
The final letter was a tumultuous wave of emotions, a combination of jealousy, love, and bitterness. Charlotte felt the sting of each word, the possessiveness that had always simmered beneath his devotion. Noctem had loved her fiercely, but his love had also bound her, suffocating her. She could see the contradiction in his words: He loved her, but he couldn’t set her free.
Tears welled in her eyes, but this time, they weren’t born from regret alone. They were also for the man she had failed to understand, for the man who had loved her so deeply but had been unable to find a way to heal her heart.
This is making me cry