No Need For Regrets

Chapter 63

With no response to his words, Lexion silently gazed at Seriniel, still wearing the expression of a frightened dog afraid of being abandoned by its owner.

Seriniel seemed lost in thought somewhere, but as always, her mind was an enigma. So Lexion summoned up his courage once again and tried calling Seriniel’s name.

“…Seriniel?”

At the sound of her name, Seriniel briefly paused, as if coming back to her senses. Then, she finally looked at Lexion.

[“You won’t know what significance that memory holds for me.”]

Looking at Lexion like that, Seriniel recalled his words from a few days ago.

[“I don’t want to say it directly to you. Because if you find out… you might start pitying me.”]

“Lord, can’t you… tell me?”

“What?”

“What it is about you that you don’t want me to see.”

“….”

“And why you keep worrying that I’ll look at you differently someday…”

Listening silently to Seriniel’s words, an indiscernible emotion flickered in Lexion’s eyes. It seemed like a mixture of fear and shame or maybe both.

“I… am…”

I… I am…

Lexion repeated the same words as if broken like a machine. I, I am… I am…

…If only you weren’t such a special person to me.

But Lexion kept holding on to hope. Despite knowing that I was just that boy who writhed on the floor that debutante ball day and the same person who ruthlessly took lives and severed necks in bloodshed.

…So different from you, who shine so brightly and warmly.

As if still grasping tightly to the earring, the only evidence and trace of that day, Lexion leaned on Seriniel’s kindness and gentleness even now.

…Even if she learn all the facts, Seriniel will still look at me the same way…

As if unable to let go of that hope, Lexion couldn’t let go of that expectation. It was ironic. I was scared that my hope would shatter, so I couldn’t even speak.

But if that hope were to shatter and become nothing…

My life would be as good as dead.

Because the reason Lexion survived was solely because of Seriniel.

It was inevitable.

“The fact that you’re afraid of hurting others, not just being hurt yourself…”

“….”

“No one in the world sees Lord Lexion the way I do. If they did…”

Seriniel hesitated slightly. Then, with a resolute expression, she continued.

“I’ll chase after them wherever they go and make them regret it.”

At that absurd statement, Lexion couldn’t help but burst into laughter. There was no trace of the huge mistake he seemed to have made just now.

Still, this was better.

“You may not know, Lord, but I’m quite good at arguing.”

Seriniel smiled faintly and moistened her lips.

“There was an incident like that at the debutante ball a long time ago.”

“…Debutante ball?”

And at the unexpected word, Lexion’s black pupils quietly shook.

“There was a fight. I’m not sure of the reason… but anyway, there was a time when I intervened when nobles were needlessly tormenting someone.”

“….”

“Of course, I’m not as capable in combat as you, Lord, so I was a little scared. But I was able to safely leave the scene because I’m so good at speaking.”

[“If you don’t let this go, I’ll call someone right away. You may not know how powerful their family is, but you know that even the royal family attended this debutante ball.”]

…Yeah.

That’s right.

Lexion looked at Seriniel with a subtle expression, neither crying nor laughing.

“So please don’t worry about that. And as Lord promised, I promise too. I will never look at you with such eyes.”

“….”

“….Lord Lexion?”

“So, about that person…?”

“Yes?”

“Do you… remember that person?”

Seriniel thought it was strange. Apart from why he was asking that, she wondered why…

His voice was trembling like that.

“Of course.”

But Seriniel answered because Lexion’s gaze, somehow, felt desperately earnest.

“I believe he must be doing well somewhere.”

“Why…?”

After showing such disgrace.

Why?

“He seemed very strong to me.”

“….”

“Despite being treated like that… he never screamed or shed a tear. If he wasn’t that strong… he couldn’t have endured it.”

Lexion didn’t say anything. He just blankly stared at Seriniel’s face.

A lengthy silence settled between them. Seriniel wore a slightly puzzled expression but patiently waited for his response.

“To receive such treatment…”

And it was Lexion who broke the silence first.

“They might have been someone worth it.”

“….What?”

“So, thinking that he was too pitiful and miserable… ugly and loathsome.”

“No, not at all.”

Seriniel responded briefly.

“I never thought that way. Not even once. But…”

“But…?”

“He seemed so lonely.”

“….”

“So, I hope he is doing well now and not feeling lonely anymore.”

Seriniel smiled faintly, but Lexion couldn’t smile.

“With his bangs covering his face and covered in wounds… although I don’t remember much about what happened long ago…”

Lexion’s black pupils reflected on Seriniel’s emerald eyes.

Seriniel’s small, white hand slowly moved through the air.

As Seriniel reached out, she involuntarily squeezed Lexion’s cheek lightly.

“Like Lord Lexion…”

“….”

“Although his eyes were black…”

Seriniel paused briefly in her words.

Because Lexion’s large, warm hand wrapped around her small hand, which was gripping his cheek.

“….”

With a flushed face, Seriniel withdrew her hand from Lexion’s and tried to appear smiling.

“I’ve talked too much.”

Then, she smiled and said, trying to sound cheerful.

“Please go wash up and come to the study. I’ll apply the ointment for you.”

With that, Seriniel got up and left, leaving Lexion behind, still gazing at her back.

“….”

Countless emotions were written on Lexion’s face as he sat there, seemingly rooted to the spot, for a long time. He looked down at his hand that had held Seriniel’s hand.

And he thought.

How?

How can she always…

Say the words I want to hear.

Even when she doesn’t realize that I wanted to hear them.

…Like the only person who can embrace all my sadness and loneliness.

Lexion thought to himself.

Despite the hot water still pouring over his body, he felt nothing. It was as if all sensations in the world had disappeared in an instant.

Except for the hand that Seriniel’s warmth had briefly passed through.

So Lexion wrapped his hand around his face. And he stayed like that for a long time.