No Need For Regrets

Chapter 54

“Can you answer that?”

Lexion’s voice, softly uttered, was trembling unlike usual.

No, it wasn’t just his voice. His black pupils staring at her, and the expression he wore…

The Lexion before her resembled a child.

A child unsure how to express his feelings for the first time, however clumsily.

Something she never thought she would see in Lexion Rosenvester.

Seriniel looked silently at Lexion. Then she thought.

How big of a heart must it be to not care at all about someone else’s feelings?

What does it mean to be left behind with lingering regrets?

…What does it mean to hold onto a name you want to keep close to your lips until the very end, just before death?

And how agonizing must those days have been, when he wished for his happiness while never expressing his own feelings?

“I still…”

After a considerable amount of time passed, Seriniel moistened her dry lips.

“I’m still doing that.”

“…”

“No matter what others say, no matter what your past may be… I only see the Lexion in front of me.”

Now I understand.

That Lexion Rosenvester isn’t the cruel and ruthless man people gossip about.

Though his methods may be rough, he knew how to comfort and care for others’ wounds. That’s why he was endlessly affectionate and warm.

“But I just…”

“…Just?”

“I think I need time.”

Since Lexion had revealed his true feelings, she didn’t want to lie to him in return.

Such falsehoods…

Now seemed tiresome.

“If it’s what you want.”

“…”

“Didn’t I say that before? Whatever you need, I’ll do it for you.”

…Right.

In retrospect, Lexion always kept his word.

As Seriniel met Lexion’s gaze, she remembered his voice from her dreams.

[When you feel like you’re left alone at the end of the world. So difficult and lonely… Fulfill her empty wishes. So when someone asks if she’s happy again, she can confidently answer yes, just like she did back then. Even if it’s impossible, even my part.]

[Perhaps the fulfillment of your empty wishes was salvation for someone else.]

…Even Johan’s words from the temple.

And Seriniel realized.

If she were to pursue happiness in this life again…

Wouldn’t it be with Lexion?

But as she told Lexion, she still needed time. She didn’t want to accept his true feelings with just vague emotions.

“When I’m with you…”

…Still, she could say this much.

“I feel at ease.”

“…”

“Sometimes, I feel joy without a plan, and sometimes, I find myself smiling unknowingly.”

Especially since she entered the Rosenvester Manor. Perhaps ending her life as a struggling author played a part, but still, Lexion’s presence was a great comfort to her.

“Maybe I’m not the good person you think I am. Perhaps the opposite. I keep… just receiving help from you.”

Although this deal caused nothing but loss for Lexion. Seriniel could have died, and they could have sought revenge.

Moreover, despite his bad reputation, Lexion had achieved so much. If he wanted, he could have chosen someone other than Seriniel.

She felt sorry for that.

It would have been somewhat comforting if she had thought of their relationship as just a deal. But the moment she heard Lexion’s sincerity, that feeling of guilt grew. It was unavoidable.

“But still…”

“…Still?”

“If Duke Lexion thinks of me that way…”

“…”

“…Then I…”

After a moment of hesitation, Seriniel lowered her head slightly.

“…I’ll listen to my heart.”

And just like Lexion did earlier, she stumbled over her words like a child.

“Without cowardly running away.”

With those words, Seriniel lifted her head.

A faint smile spread across Lexion’s face as he looked at her.

“You won’t know. Just how much that answer means to me.”

…Time needed?

Whatever time Seriniel wished for, Lexion was confident he could wait for it.

He had lived his entire life, every moment, without fail, like that.

It wasn’t such a difficult thing for him.

“Yeah. Even that is more than enough for me now.”

“…”

“I’m fine with that.”

As Lexion smiled, Seriniel also smiled softly.

Though the night air flowing in through the window still felt a little chilly, her body wasn’t cold at all. Despite wearing only a thin dress.

It was probably because he was there, wasn’t it?

I understand now, that your wish for me to be happy, even lingering with regret until the end, was sincere.

So, I’ll also look at Lexion with sincerity. Without running away.

And if someday I can tell him my heart…

“And just in case, I’ll tell you now, I don’t really mind being the one who unilaterally helps you.”

“…Pardon?”

“Actually, it might be the opposite.”

At Lexion’s unexpected words, Seriniel widened her eyes and looked at him.

“If these kinds of things keep happening, won’t you eventually realize that I’m quite a useful man?”

“…”

“Then someday, you’ll casually manipulate me too. As if it’s only natural.”

I’m not so bad.

That’s what Lexion muttered with a very unusual expression on his face. So, Seriniel looked at his face for a moment, then burst into laughter without realizing it.

“…”

Lexion quietly watched Seriniel, who was smiling brightly. The dark shadows that used to linger on her face on rainy days were nowhere to be found now. That was enough.

…If such days continued to stack up in the future.

Lexion smiled at Seriniel, lost in his own thoughts.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

It was late, but Benny couldn’t easily fall asleep.

“…”

Lying on the large bed, Benny stared at the ceiling, looking at Leraie, who was gently patting his back.

…My mother seemed a little strange these days.

No, my father seemed the same. They weren’t as affectionate and kind to me as they used to be. They even argued a lot more.

Benny had heard the sharp sound of glass breaking and loud arguments several times.

It was all because of what happened when we came to this mansion.

So Benny didn’t like this house.

“Mom…”

Benny, who had been quietly staring at Leraie, finally spoke with his fingers fidgeting.

“When are we… going home?”

“…What?”

“I want to go home…”

For a moment, Leraie’s face stiffened. She clenched her lips tightly as if suppressing her anger and replied.

“Benny, this is your home now. So don’t say things like that. Understand?”

But even with her words, Benny’s face didn’t brighten. It only seemed to darken more. As if the only hope he had believed in had shattered into pieces.

“Do I have to stay here…?”

“Yes, that’s right. Why do you keep asking the same thing?”

“…”

“Benny?”

Even though Leraie tried to comfort him, there was no response. Instead, tears welled up in Benny’s eyes as he looked up at her.

“What happened? Did someone say something to you?”

“The people here… keep saying the same things to me.”

“…What?”

“They call me vulgar and filthy…”

For a moment, Leraie’s face stiffened.