No More Regrets, Just K*ll Me

 

“Uh, um. Yes.”

I handed over the bracelet and extended my hand with the back facing up. Despite having rather thick fingers, he skillfully fastened the bracelet.

I raised my hand toward the sky, looking at the bracelet that wrapped around my wrist and the back of my hand. The fabric, glimmering in the sunlight, looked quite nice and seemed fairly expensive for something sold in such a place.

I jokingly asked Sir Maicher, “You seem quite skilled at fastening bracelets. Do you have someone you meet often?”

“No.”

And once again, the stiff reply came back. Sigh, what was I expecting? Just as I was thinking this, he spoke again.

“I have a younger sister.”

“A younger sister? How old is she?”

“She’s two years younger than me.”

“Wow, you must fight a lot then.”

“We don’t fight.”

“Hm.”

I snorted and then said to the peddler, “I’ll take this bracelet and the glass bracelet you showed earlier.”

“Ah, thank you! You’re such a lovely young lady!”

The vendor handed me the glass bracelet, then extended his hand. And then I realized—I had no money.

Realizing this late, I looked quietly at Sir Maicher. As if expecting this, he took out coins from his pocket and paid for the items.

“Thank you. Please come again!”

We left the place, receiving the peddler’s farewell. Feeling embarrassed, I matched my pace with Sir Maicher and cleared my throat awkwardly.

“Uh, thank you.”

“It’s nothing.”

“I’ll definitely pay you back when we get back.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Hearing this made me feel even more embarrassed. I scratched my cheek and uttered, “And about this…”

I handed him the glass bracelet I had bought. Its round, shiny appearance in the sunlight looked almost like a jewel.

“Please give it as a gift to your younger sister.”

Finally, Sir Maicher looked at me. His face was filled with confusion.

“To my younger sister?”

“Yes, you helped me put on the bracelet. Shouldn’t we thank the person who taught you that skill?”

Maicher looked at me as if to say, “What kind of logic is that?”

I just smiled meaninglessly. Seeing that I wasn’t going to back down, Maicher let out a sigh and accepted the bracelet, putting it in his pocket.

“…Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. It was bought with your money.”

I walked lightly, hands behind my back, and casually asked, “Sir Maicher, you don’t like me, do you?”

“…”

For the first time, he didn’t respond. It seemed he felt a bit guilty about saying yes.

Even though I’m living with Carlothian, I’m still just a sinner. It looks like it bothers him.

“I believe that in life, it’s impossible not to have people you dislike.”

“…Is that so?”

“Yes. But I don’t want to dislike someone just because they dislike me.”

At that, Maicher asked in surprise, 

“Why not? It would be easier to just dislike someone who dislikes you.”

“Hating others takes a lot of energy.”

I slowly walked deeper into the market, thinking.

“Hating others requires more effort than you might think.”

I paused for a moment and looked up at Maicher.

“That’s why I’ve given up on hating others. I just don’t have the strength for it.”

That was also my own experience. After losing my voice, I hated hearing others sing freely. It angered me. But in the end, even resenting others felt like too much effort.

“Do you know who the easiest person to hate in the world is?”

“…Who?”

“Myself.”

And I began to hate myself the most for becoming ugly from all that hatred. It’s easy to hate myself. Easier than breathing.

Now that I’ve begun to live this new life, I can say again that my goal is to regain my voice so that I can sing in any way possible.

That’s what keeps me going. I have no strength to pour out elsewhere.

“It’s the easiest thing for me to think, ‘I did something wrong, so they hate me.’”

Sir Maicher once again fell silent and listened to my story. Even though it was a dull tale, he seemed to listen attentively.

A faint smile appeared on my face.

“So just because Sir Maicher doesn’t particularly like me, I won’t hate you.”

“…You’re saying something difficult.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. You listened to me anyway.”

Saying that, I began to walk again. Perhaps because I had said what I needed to, my steps felt lighter.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

Pierne Maicher wasn’t particularly fond of Ariadeline. In fact, he felt relieved when she left the mansion, which then became quiet.

But then she returned. And she looked somewhat strange.

Pierne thought the Duke would soon dismiss her, but to his surprise, the Duke actually started sharing a room with Ariadeline.

“Why is he doing that?”

Someone posed this question at a gathering of knights. The knights shook their heads.

“Who can know what the Duke is thinking?”

“Ariadeline is pretty, but she was just as beautiful before. In fact, she was even prettier back then than she is now.”

Among the knights who blindly followed Carlothian, Ariadeline was merely a sinner. She wasn’t a lady to be served.

“Is that villainess up to something again?”

“Like black magic or something?”

“We all know the Duke wouldn’t fall for that.”

“Who knows? She might have brewed a love potion that only exists in legends.”

“But there’s no real difference in the Duke’s behavior.”

“Hmm.”

Their only concern was for their lord, the Duke. It was the same for Pierne.

It appeared that Ariadeline, the villainess, was trying to cloud the judgment of the Carlothians.

So when the order to escort her was given, he felt a bit reluctant. However, he couldn’t refuse the Duke’s command.

“What is your name, Sir?”

Her innocent question was clearly different from the past Ariadeline. It was as if she had become a different person.

“I am Pierne Maicher.”

Pierne answered bluntly. He responded to her repeated questions without any enthusiasm. There was no room for further conversation.

Ariadeline seemed to have picked up on that and kept her mouth shut for a moment.

She headed towards a stall where commoners would shop and began to look around as if she were seeing such things for the first time.

After all, having lived as the Duke’s daughter and married into the Duke’s household, she probably hadn’t seen such cheap goods before.

Pierne thought so. However, what surprised him was what happened next.

The vendor at the stall rudely grabbed her wrist. Pierne saw the marks left on her wrist, like it had been torn.

They didn’t seem to be wounds inflicted by someone else. The scars were clearly self-inflicted.

Ariadeline, startled, quickly hid her wrist. Then, as if trying to break through this awkward situation, she forced a smile.

Pierne found that expression oddly stuck in his mind. He noticed the wrist she was hiding.

‘…On the other wrist as well.’

The same scars were on her other wrist, too. Pierne recalled a rumor that had been circulating recently.

‘Ariadeline has changed.’

‘She says she repents for her sins.’

Could those scars be the result of her remorse? He couldn’t tell. Pierne chose not to think deeply about this villainess any longer.

But that was not easy either.

‘So, even if Sir Maicher doesn’t like me much, I won’t hate you.’

She seemed to think it was natural for someone to hate her. Did everyone who accepted their sins end up like this?

Pierne fiddled with the bracelet in his pocket.

The two walked in silence and headed further into the alley. They had seen something between the stalls.

“What’s that place over there?”

In the depths of the alley, there was a wooden structure labeled as a general store.

“Let’s go check it out!”

Ariadeline pointed brightly toward it, and Pierne nodded, heading in that direction with her.

Creeeak—

“Is anyone here?”