No More Regrets, Just K*ll Me

Whoa, you scared me.

What the! Why are you suddenly here?

 

“What are you doing here? Isn’t it time for your work?”

 

I asked curiously, but he still remained silent. Huh, what’s the problem now?

Frowning, I stood up from my seat. The blood I had coughed up earlier was long wiped clean.

I walked briskly towards him at the door.

 

“I haven’t done anything yet. I didn’t cause any trouble today.”

“I didn’t come to scold you for causing trouble.”

“Then, why are you here? Your work isn’t even finished yet, is it?”

“…It’s done.”

“Really? It ended quickly today.”

 

I tilted my head and went back into the room. Carlothian hadn’t yet entered the room and was just standing there.

What’s up with him? He’s the one who said we should share the same room, and now he’s acting like this. If he doesn’t want to, he should just use a different room!

I pursed my lips, crossed my arms, and looked at him questioningly. Carlothian seemed to have noticed my expression as I slowly stepped into the room.

After closing the door, he finally spoke.

 

“That song you just sang…”

“The song? Oh, did you hear it?”

 

I opened my eyes wide and clasped my hands together. It was quite different from the songs sung here. Could he have liked it?

 

“How was it?”

“How was what?”

“Did it sound good?”

 

Actually, considering my voice cracked a lot and my articulation wasn’t perfect, the chances of it being pleasant to listen to were low. But still, could he have thought the song was good?

He might think so, because that common love song was my debut piece. With an excited heart, I gazed quietly at Carlothian.

He had a slightly awkward expression.

 

“…It was a sad song.”

“It is.”

“…it’s also unusual.”

“Well, it’s not that unusual, but I suppose to you nobles, it would have some peculiar aspects.”

 

I hummed the song I had just sung. Carlothian narrowed his eyes. No; he must have liked it.

Continuing to hum, I headed towards the bookshelf.

 

‘Oh, I want to read that book but can’t reach it.’

 

I stood on my tiptoes and stretched out my arm, but I still couldn’t reach it. There doesn’t seem to be a footstool nearby. As I was about to look around, Carlothian suddenly moved in close behind me and reached out.

 

‘Huh?’

 

Momentarily trapped between Carlothian and the bookshelf, I swallowed dryly. Slightly, just slightly, I felt tense.

Carlothian grabbed the book I was trying to reach and handed it to me.

 

“Will you continue to sing such songs in the future?”

“Maybe?”

 

What do you mean, ‘such songs’? Was it really that peculiar to these people? I took the book and looked up at him. He seemed uncomfortable under my gaze. Wait, what has he been uncomfortable about this whole time?

 

“It might be better not to sing such songs in front of others.”

“…….”

 

Could it be that my singing was terrible? Is that why Carlothian came directly to tell me my singing was bad?

Is that why he looks awkward? I mean, he did see me try to sing with a lot of effort, so if my singing was really that bad, Carlothian would feel awkward about telling me directly.

 

“Haah….”

 

So it was probably because my voice still wasn’t quite right. I let out a big sigh without realizing it, and Carlothian flinched slightly.

Oh, I see. I must have appeared to be deeply disheartened when I sighed after he informed me that my singing was subpar. But I wasn’t at that point yet—I just haven’t sung in a long time.

 

“Still, you can sing sometimes.”

 

Yeah, okay. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

“Only in front of me.”

 

Huh?

I looked at him with a puzzled expression. He spoke to me while averting his gaze. Is he implying that I should only sing in front of him?

 

‘I see; he must feel a bit awkward about me singing in front of others. But I guess we’ve gotten a bit close, huh?’

 

He even said he’d listen to my terrible singing. I smiled wryly and nodded my head.

Then, as if he had urgent business, he hurriedly left, closing the door behind him.

 

“Oh, but what about…”

 

Bang!

 

‘Ah, you scared me.’

 

Why did he slam the door like that?

After staring at the door for a moment, I headed back to my original destination—the bed.

The book that spread out before me was about the history of the empire. Ariadeline’s memories of history appeared somewhat hazy.

 

‘Well, I should at least know the culture of this world, right?’

 

Lying down, I flicked through the pages one by one.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

Carlothian entered the dressing room and covered his mouth with his hand.

 

‘Only in front of me.’

 

Was I out of my mind?

Carlothian wasn’t quite sure about his own feelings.

The thought that the song was directed at him made him not want it to be heard by anyone else at all.

Why was he so bothered by this? The idea that she could sing such a song where he couldn’t hear it didn’t sit well with him.

So he wanted her to sing it only in front of him, in places where only he could hear.

So that only he could see her vulnerability.

Carlothian shrugged off his coat and cooled the heat that filled his mind.

He tossed his coat carelessly in the dressing room and removed his shirt. Then, as he usually did, he naturally opened the door.

 

“Huh?”

“…….”

 

Ah, right. She was in the room. Ariadeline slowly shifted her gaze as she lay down. Slowly from top to bottom.

 

“Now, what…”

“No, you’re the one who came out undressed.”

 

Ariadeline gently closed the book and sat up on the bed. Carlothian unconsciously slammed the door shut again, seeing Ariadeline not take his eyes off him.

He felt his head, which had cooled down, heating up again. He rested his forehead against the door for a moment and then heard footsteps pacing outside.

 

“Are you mad?”

“……No, I’m not mad.”

“I didn’t see anything. Well, I did see a little, actually. Just a little.”

“…Be quiet.”

“No, I didn’t see everything. Why did you insist we share the same room in the first place?”

“……Shut up.”

“Alright, forget it. What am I even saying?”

 

Feeling Ariadeline’s footsteps moving away again, Carlothian hurriedly grabbed a robe and put it on.

Maintaining a calm demeanor, he went back out of the dressing room. Ariadeline was lying back down on the bed, reading a book.

Somehow, this bothered Carlothian a bit. So he approached the bed, sat down at the edge, and leaned his body towards her, supporting himself with one arm.

 

“What are you reading?”

“Uhm, the history of the Empire?”

“Why all of a sudden?”

“Just, if you’re going to live in the empire, it’s good to know, right?”

“Isn’t Imperial history something you learn when you’re thirteen?”

“Well, maybe for those destined to be heirs.”

 

Ariadeline said this and closed the book, placing it back on the shelf beside her.

Looking out the window, the sun was gradually setting. Perhaps madness will come soon. She had barely read the first chapter, but there was nothing she could do.

Carlothian climbed onto the bed, pulling Ariadeline towards him by her waist. Ariadeline limply allowed herself to be drawn closer to him.

 

“Ah, madness is becoming bothersome.”

“You’re too careless.”

“For someone like me who has no real fighting ability, it’s not that dangerous, unlike for you, who could potentially harm others.”

 

Carlothian frowned and said,

 

“You’re a danger to yourself.”

 

Carlothian naturally positioned himself, wrapping one arm around her waist and using his other hand to gently restrain her hands. This was their default posture.

To others, it would seem like a really precarious and thrilling position.

 

“Ah, my waist feels a bit uncomfortable.”

“Endure it.”

“Isn’t my wrist too tight?”

“Just bear with it.”

 

Their conversation only revolved around such exchanges. There was no sense of urgency between them. In fact, the sense of urgency belonged solely to Ariadeline.

As the sun set and the moon began to rise, Carlothian appeared increasingly restless. Sensing this, Ariadellin quietly kept her mouth shut.

Soon, clouds obscured the moon, casting a deep darkness over the room. Between the two, only the soft sounds of their breathing remained.

And just as the clouds slowly passed over the moon and the moonlight began to emerge, Ariadeline’s eyes widened.

 

“Ah…….”

 

The madness inevitably found her. The pounding pain in her head, the ringing in her ears, and the demonic whispers begin to fill her mind.

Carlothian knew this process all too well.

That’s why he couldn’t leave Ariadeline alone. He held her struggling body down. Despite her feeble attempts to break free, she couldn’t escape his grasp.

 

“Carlothian…”

 

His name escaped Ariadeline’s lips like a breath. He gritted his teeth. The suffocating obsession that came with madness.

However, if there was one thing different from before, it was that he no longer found this sight unbearable.

So he released his grip and pulled her into a tight embrace.

Ariadeline, consumed by madness, scratched and bit his skin, following the whispered words in her ear like a spell.

He could feel the little teeth biting his skin until it bled. Carlothian held her tightly, enduring it all. Until the moon set and the sun rose, until she finally passed out.

Only after confirming that Ariadeline’s once-clouded blue eyes had returned to normal could Carlothian finally fall asleep.

After the long night had passed and the sun had risen, the sight of those pure, blue eyes—the new Ariadeline he had come to know—put him at ease.