No More Regrets, Just K*ll Me

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re no longer a married man. And since you don’t have an heir, you could even remarry.”

“I haven’t thought about that yet, so it’s fine.”

“Of course, you’re still young. But…”

 

Carlothian grimaced at my continuing nagging.

 

“I’ll take care of my own future. Let’s just move the room first. It’s inefficient to always go to the annex.”

 

So it’s all about efficiency. So sharing a room with me is not a problem, since it’s efficient?

This isn’t a situation where I should be feeling that fluttering sensation of “Oh my, me? Sharing a room with this man?” It simply means he doesn’t see me as a woman at all.

 

‘Well, I don’t see him as a man, either.’

 

I scratched my head. As per Carlothian’s orders, the staff began moving my dresses into his dressing room.

Carlothian, despite being a duke, didn’t have many clothes. It’s probably because he doesn’t go out much, except for formal events.

 

‘Or maybe it’s for occasions Dorothea attends.’

 

Carlothian went back to his office after making sure the dresses were neatly arranged, leaving me alone in his bedroom.

Since I didn’t have many belongings in the annex, there wasn’t much to move. I looked around his room, which was significantly larger than my room in the annex.

His room occupied half of the floor. The bed seemed three times the size of the one I used to sleep in. I climbed onto his bed and lay down.

 

“Wow, it’s really spacious.”

 

I lay on the bed and closed my eyes for a moment. It had been quite a while since I spent the night with Carlothian. We literally just spent “the night” together, but it was obvious how it would look if it got out.

 

‘Is he really so careless?’

 

I had nothing more to lose, but Carlothian did. He knew best what would happen if he got tangled up with his ex-wife, known as a villainess, again.

 

‘It seems he’s quite concerned about the fact that his madness was transferred to me.’

 

It’s not like I can say, “Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine!” in a situation like this.

 

‘Well, whatever happens, happens.’

 

I slowly opened my eyes and started humming a song.

 

‘Come to think of it, my voice seems to have improved a lot lately?’

 

Suddenly struck by the thought, I sprang up from the bed and grabbed my neck. The bruises had faded significantly, and my voice was now coming out much better.

I still didn’t know why my voice was improving. Was it related to my suffering from madness? Or is it really related to Carlothian? I couldn’t say for certain.

 

‘Anyway, should I try singing a song?’

 

For whatever reason, excitement was the first thing that came to my mind.

 

‘Just a short song…’

 

I got up and headed to the terrace. Then I opened the terrace door wide and lightly hummed a song. It was a song that couldn’t be heard in this world.

It wasn’t an opera enjoyed by nobles, nor was it a hymn sung in temples.

It was simply the most common song in my world.

I formed the words slowly, creating the pitch, and the pitch rode the wind, creating highs and lows. I rested my arms on the terrace railing and began to pick up the pitch slowly and precisely.

If the pitch went up even a little, my voice would crack slightly. But I didn’t stop. I was intoxicated by the fact that I was singing after such a long time.

My heart swelled with emotion. But I pushed that aside and focused on completing the song.

A common love song. A song that couldn’t be heard here. The long, drawn-out notes that gradually trembled to an end had a certain fragility to them.

I continued the song, feeling each of those trembles. The wind blew, and my voice, so delicate, was carried away by the sound of the wind. It sounded terrible compared to what it used to be.

But I was definitely singing. I held onto the railing tightly. Ah, the tears are flowing.

I didn’t wipe the tears streaming down my face; I just kept singing. The tears flowing down my chin made my skin feel ticklish.

 

“Ugh, cough!”

 

And as the song continued, something suddenly blocked my throat. I covered my mouth with one hand and started coughing.

 

“Blood again…….”

 

It had been a very long time since I had coughed up blood. Perhaps singing the entire song was too much for me.

I went back inside with a bitter smile, unaware that someone had been watching my retreating figure.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

Carlothian’s office was filled with silence. All that could be heard was his pen scratching the papers.

Suddenly, he lifted his head, drawn by a faint singing voice carried in by the wind. He furrowed his brow and shifted his gaze. The singing voice was coming from outside the window.

His subordinates also raised their heads one by one.

Far across the window, Ariadeline appeared on the terrace.

Her voice was very soft. Soft enough to be carried away by the wind. But it was heard nonetheless. As if the wind deliberately let it be heard.

It was a song he had never heard before. He had no memory of hearing someone sing like this. It wasn’t an opera. It wasn’t a hymn.

There was no grand resonance, no high notes meant to spread the word of God.

Yet, it had an appeal. The faint lyrics spoke of love and then painted a picture of longing.

Carlothian’s hands stopped as he listened. The sound of his pen scratching on paper ceased.

 

‘…a love song.’

 

Why she was singing such a song, he couldn’t fathom.

Her smiling face gave the impression of having no interest in him. Yet, the contrast with her desperate pleas for love during her fits of madness made it seem like she was a different person.

Carlothian eventually put down his pen and rose from his seat, turning his gaze towards the terrace.

Ariadeline was so engrossed in her singing that she didn’t even realize she was being watched.

Her voice was like the wind. Singing of love with poignant emotion, it seemed to stroke the heart of the listener.

As she sang with her eyes gently closed, her face looked happier than ever before.

A face he had never seen before. For some reason, he couldn’t take his eyes off the captivating expression. Carlothian felt a stirring within him.

The longer the song went on, the more her happy smile spread across her face, and the more he felt this unsettling sensation.

He was startled when tears began to flow from her eyes. Yet she continued singing without wiping them away, as if trying to convey something.

Carlothian began to think that her song was trying to reach him. Her eyes, always pleading for love, seemed touched by madness.

While shedding clear tears and singing about love were two entirely different expressions, they clearly had something they were yearning for.

Carlothian thought that the thing she was yearning for was him. That what she was longing for was him.

 

“…….”

 

Unconsciously, Carlothian lightly bit his lower lip. Then he watched as she stopped singing abruptly and coughed.

It seemed like she had vomited blood again. She looked at her bloodied palm with a bitter expression, then soon left the terrace and went into the room.

Carlothian continued to gaze at her retreating figure. In the same study, his subordinates exchanged glances, not daring to make a sound with their pens.

 

“I’m going out for a moment.”

“Ah, yes. Understood.”

“We’re almost done for the day.”

“We’ll finish up here. You can leave it to us.”

“…Alright.”

 

With that, Carlothian left the office. His subordinates whispered among themselves, hearing his steps heading towards the bedroom.

 

“That song, was it sung by Miss Ariadeline?”

“Did she sing it on purpose so that the Duke could hear?”

“Well, maybe, but it was in a style I’ve never heard before.”

“I wonder where she learned to sing like that?”

“Since she spent time outside the capital with commoner monks, she could have learned it then.”

“Is that so?”

“More than that, what does Miss Ariadeline really want? I hear she’s been behaving so strangely lately.”

 

She would sometimes wander the gardens barefoot and roam the manor haphazardly—a far cry from the proper conduct expected of the Duchess.

 

“The Duke seems to be the same. I hear they’re going to be sharing a room this time.”

“Now?”

“That’s right.”

“How long do you expect the Duke to keep Miss Ariadeline with him?”

“He should send her back to the temple at an opportune time.”

“Indeed.”

 

His subordinates clicked their tongues out of concern for Carlothian. Meanwhile, at that moment, Carlothian hesitated in front of his bedroom door.

It was also an impulse that brought him here.

What was he going to say once he went in? Ask her if the song she just sang was meant to reach him?

There was no way Ariadeline was going to say yes to that. She had insisted that even her words during her fits of madness were not sincere.

 

‘Why does she deny it so vehemently?’

 

In truth, Carlothian knew the reason very well. He was tired of Ariadeline’s obsession with him. He looked down on her for tormenting Dorothea out of jealousy.

 

‘What if she starts doing the same thing again?’

 

Isn’t that why she keeps denying and denying?

Carlothian gripped the door tightly and slowly opened it. There, he saw Ariadeline sitting on the bed, wiping her bloodied hands with a dry cloth.

Carlothian looked at her pale face in silence for a moment. Slowly, Ariadeline’s gaze met his.