No More Regrets, Just K*ll Me

Carlothian bit his lip. At that moment, joy that I didn’t know who belonged to filled my entire body.

 

“My death will be solely your fault, Carlothian. So, don’t forget.”

 

I began to speak as if brainwashing him, telling him that I would die because he didn’t love me.

Carlothian’s arms momentarily lost their strength. I pulled one of my arms out from under his hold and grabbed his shoulder. My sharp nails dug into his shoulder through his shirt.

 

“Whether you kill me or save me, it’s all your responsibility.”

 

The nails digging into his shoulder soon climbed up to grasp his throat. Blood oozed out where the nails had pierced.

I looked up at his face and cried. Demons whispered in my ears.

 

‘If you can’t have him, kill him.’

‘He’s a man who can’t love you anyway.’

‘Poor Ariadeline.’

‘Eat him alive!’

 

Carlothian pulled my hands away from his throat and pushed me back onto the bed. I then opened my mouth and sank my teeth into the crook of his neck.

 

“Mmm…….”

 

His small groan reached my ears, but I didn’t release my bite. It was as if I were trying to carve my mark on his body.

A fishy taste spread through my mouth. Instead of throwing me off, Carlothian pulled me in tighter against his body.

His body temperature was warmer than mine.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

‘Ah… what have I done?’

 

The next morning, I woke up and chuckled emptily while staring into space.

I remember falling down the stairs. I remember babbling nonsense to Carlothian. I remember everything vividly.

I wished the film would just cut off, but each and every one of my precious nonsense words came back to me clearly.

Next to me, Carlothian was sound asleep again.

His neck and shoulders were covered with marks from my nails and bites. The area around them was bruised heavily from how hard I had bitten.

Feeling sorry, I gently stroked the bite marks visible through his torn shirt. Ah, it must have hurt so much.

Thunk.

At that moment, a large hand grabbed my hand firmly. Startled, I looked at his face.

His black eyes were filled with fatigue. I shrank back, feeling guilty.

 

“A-are you okay?”

“Not really okay.”

 

I smiled awkwardly.

 

“You know the madness isn’t something you can control.”

“I know.”

“Right?”

 

To change the subject, I clumsily brought up another topic.

 

“Um, first, let’s go see the healer and get you treated.”

 

I glanced at the bite marks and bruises I had left on his neck. Why didn’t you intervene instead of allowing it to happen?

 

“It’s fine.”

“It’s fine?”

“I want you to look at it and reflect.”

“I’m sorry?”

“This is what you’ve done to me.”

“Oh, no. I wasn’t even in my right mind. Why would I…”

 

At that moment, he pulled the hand he was holding and placed it over his own wound. The bite mark was swollen and painful-looking. I flinched, but he didn’t let go of my wrist.

 

“That’s a nasty wound, isn’t it?”

“W-Well, yeah…”

 

I knew that already, so why bother pointing it out? When I slightly bent my finger, he frowned. Then, suddenly, he pulled me toward him. His face came right up to mine.

Perhaps he didn’t intend to get this close, as he fell silent for a moment.

As only our breathing filled the space between us, someone urgently opened the door.

 

“Your Grace!”

 

Startled, I pushed Carlothian away. However, his body was so solid that I ended up falling backward.

 

“Aah!”

“Careful!”

 

He quickly caught me and supported my back.

I quickly distanced myself from him and glanced at the person who had opened the door.

 

“I-I’m sorry.”

 

It was a very young maid. She couldn’t have been more than fifteen.

 

“What’s going on? Why didn’t you knock?”

“D-Dinner is ready…”

“Fine. Go. But you should learn to knock before entering next time.”

“Oh, I-I’m sorry…”

“Never mind.”

 

Carlothian got up from the bed and reached out to me.

 

“Let’s eat first and talk. You look like you’re about to collapse from hunger.”

 

I glanced at the young maid. She seemed to be a new addition to the staff.

 

‘I thought he would scold her harshly, but…’

 

His casually dismissive attitude ended up seeming quite affectionate. But why was he only this kind to others and not to me?

Grumbling to myself, I followed him out of the room and headed to the dining hall.

As we entered the dining hall, the servants had finished all preparations and greeted us.

 

‘Is this the first time we’re dining together like this?’

 

I mean, it’s not the first time he’s dined with “me,” but it’s the very first time he’s dined with “Ariadeline.”

‘What a terrible man.’

I sighed and stood there for a moment. I wasn’t sure where to sit exactly. Well, of course, I knew my place as Ariadeline.

 

‘But I’m the sinner now. Is it okay for me to dine with the Duke?’

“Sit.”

 

But Carlothian seemed unconcerned and sat in the center seat of the table. I awkwardly took a seat opposite him.

As we sat down, the servants brought out the first course, a soup to soothe our empty stomachs.

Carlothian slowly sipped the soup. I followed suit and slowly picked up my spoon.

The soup went down smoothly and warmed my body.

 

‘Come to think of it, my throat feels a little better…….’

 

Then Carlothian’s voice cut sharply through my thoughts.

 

“Let me make this clear. Don’t do such things again.”

 

He blurted out nonchalantly.

 

“What?”

 

I blinked.

 

“No matter how much we fight, don’t ever do reckless things like jumping down the stairs again.”

 

He seemed upset. Oh, wait. Does this guy think I jumped down the stairs? I stared blankly at him, dumbfounded.

There was room for misunderstanding. The stories I told during my madness were enough to mislead him.

 

“I-I didn’t jump down the stairs on purpose!”

“Of course not.”

“You know, when suffering from madness, you say all sorts of nonsense!”

 

As I said that, Carlothian furrowed his brow and leaned closer to me. I flinched and stepped back, but his grip on my hand prevented me from retreating further.

 

“Is that supposed to be an excuse?”

“Y-yes?”

“You’re talking to someone who has experienced madness himself.”

“W-well, since you’ve experienced it, you should understand.”

“Madness is an explosion of resentment, hatred, and violence inside you. It’s not that you’re saying things that don’t exist, but rather, the things that were hidden deep inside you are being revealed.”

“……?”

 

That’s ridiculous. Then why did I cling to Carlothian, saying I loved him?

 

‘I’m not Ariadeline!’

 

I couldn’t understand this situation. Could it be that Ariadeline’s resentment remained in this body?

Confused, I watched as Carlothian finished his soup. No, after confusing me like this, he’s calmly eating his meal.

I started idly stirring my spoon. So, this madness is bringing out the resentment that lies deep within me.

 

‘What is going on?’

 

I’m not Ariadeline.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

A few days later, I was walking in the garden, frustrated. I thought about the madness in detail, but I couldn’t find any answers.

 

‘Could it be that the real Ariadeline’s resentment still remains?’

 

Three servants followed me persistently, like guards, making sure I wouldn’t run away or do anything dangerous.

I didn’t pay them much mind anymore, as we were practically one body now, and I slowly strolled through the garden. That’s when I noticed a grand carriage entering the main gate.

The carriage’s walls, drawn by three horses, bore the family’s large crest. Come to think of it, they did mention guests were coming.

 

‘Right, what was that crest again?’

 

I started rummaging through her memories. As the Duchess, she must have memorized these kinds of things well.

 

‘Oh, it’s Count Doffleman’s carriage!’

 

He was a man whose name was mentioned here and there. His business acumen was better than his noble title.

 

‘Since guests have arrived, I should discreetly disappear.’

 

I stealthily made my way towards the annex. I figured staying in the garden might attract attention, so I planned to stick to the annex.

At that moment, one of the maids who had been watching me sighed heavily from behind.

What’s this? I haven’t done anything wrong!

Turning back with a puzzled look, the maid nervously raised both hands and began to shake them.

 

“It’s not because of Miss Ariadeline.”

“Then what is it?”

 

I tilted my head and asked.

The maid shifted her gaze here and there as if hesitating, but eventually, unable to bear my persistent stare, she finally opened her mouth.

 

“Count Doffleman, who arrived today, has… a rather bad hand habit. So the maid assigned to him today will have a hard time.”

“Hard time? What do you mean?”

 

I asked, and the maid, after hesitating, revealed more. She leaned in and whispered.

 

“He always makes advances on the maids. It’s natural for him to lay hands on them… But since he’s an important business guest, the servants can’t say anything.”

‘I see, that’s how it is.’

 

I furrowed my brows slightly. Usually, it’s the maids, not the male servants, who greet guests. Since they are the ones who serve tea, it’s inevitable to come into contact with them.

 

‘And they can’t send male servants either…’

 

Since I’ve been causing trouble for the maids until now, I want to help them. But how could I do it?

As I pondered, something suddenly occurred to me, and I turned to the maids to ask.

 

“Who is the assigned maid today?”

“It’s Eloise. She just recently completed her 5th year of service.”

 

Eloise? The name sounded familiar. I paused for a moment in thought. Then I remembered.

 

‘Isn’t she the one who hurt her hand because of me before?’

 

Of course, that incident is now in the past, but still…

 

‘I felt bad that she got hurt because of me, so I can’t let her go through that unpleasant experience.’

 

I was motivated. Somehow, I could hear Carlothian’s voice saying, “Don’t cause trouble,” but I turned away, pretending not to notice.

With that, I started walking confidently towards the main building.