No More Regrets, Just K*ll Me

‘Is it because of me……?’

 

That she has lost her will to live.

 

‘You made me miserable.’

‘What made you miserable is you, Ariadeline.’

 

After their last conversation, when he met her again, she was different, like a different person.

She no longer looked at him with obsessive eyes as before. Her face, which had always been contorted, now smiles at times.

But she behaved like someone lacking something. She asked to be killed too easily. And indeed, she died at his own hands, driven by madness.

As if she had no reason to live.

 

“Oh, Carlothian!”

 

At that moment, Dorothea appeared from the opposite end of the corridor. Dorothea approached him with quick steps.

 

“Dorothea…….”

 

Carlothian couldn’t even smile when he saw her face.

 

“How is she? Is she alright?”

“I think so.”

“That’s a relief.”

 

Dorothea sighed and lowered her head. Her clean silver hair swayed over her shoulders.

Carlothian glanced at her hair and suddenly thought of Ariadeline’s now disheveled hair.

He felt annoyed, remembering how smooth it used to be a long time ago.

Why did she suddenly come to mind? Especially with Dorothea standing in front of him.

 

“Dorothea.”

“Yes, Carlothian.”

“I need to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

 

He hesitated, then slowly spat out the words.

 

“…In your opinion, what kind of person was Ariadeline?”

“Ariadeline?”

“Yes.”

 

Dorothea paused to think. Memories started flooding back.

From spilling wine on her dress at parties to openly mocking and embarrassing her. The group of young ladies she commanded, in particular, would openly try to pick on Dorothea. Perhaps that’s when the bad rumors about her started circulating.

Ariadeline always stood at the center, always looking at her with eyes that seemed to judge her harshly.

Dorothea spoke slowly.

 

“She seemed like a wounded person.”

“……Why?”

“Because she was always on the defensive.”

 

Dorothea looked at Carlothian. He seemed to be deep in thought. Trying to ease his burden, she continued.

 

“She always maintained a defensive attitude, even when gossiping about me. She acted like someone who would collapse if she got hurt.”

 

Dorothea carefully recalled Ariadeline’s image. She always wore colorful dresses, with her light blond hair pulled up in a bun and a fan covering her mouth.

Her blue eyes always seemed to pierce through her, and there was a strange sense of defeat mixed in her needle-like gaze. They always wavered when she looked at Carlothian. But he never once met her gaze.

 

“She cursed you.”

“Yeah. That was her fault. I can’t say I like her. There were times when I hated her, too.”

 

For the first time, Dorothea openly expressed her thoughts about Ariadeline.

 

“I’ve been humiliated and bullied in social circles because of her. Just because I’m seen as a saint, it doesn’t mean I’m always good. Humans are like that.”

 

Humans are never purely good. That also means they’re not inherently evil.

Suddenly, he recalled the inexplicable words Ariadeline had uttered before her life was taken by his own hands.

Just like his father’s hands that strangled his mother’s neck, his own hands strangled Ariadeline’s neck.

 

‘It’s not your fault.’

 

Like how his mother mustered her voice to comfort his father… 

 

‘It’s not your fault.’

 

Those words, seemingly meant to comfort him even as he choked her. Ah, it was as if something had clicked inside him.

 

“Carlothian? Carlothian!”

“Ah.”

 

Carlothian suddenly came to his senses.

 

“Are you listening to me?”

“……I’m listening.”

 

Dorothea looked at him questioningly, then continued.

 

“But I regret that I didn’t recognize Ariadeline’s wounds sooner.”

 

Dorothea was genuinely a good person. She had the capacity to embrace even those who had tormented her.

And Carlothian remembered the image of Ariadeline protecting the priest, Dolance. Even with red bruises on her face, she protected him with her small body from his sword.

 

“If I had recognized it earlier, she wouldn’t have ended up in this state.”

 

Dorothea’s purple eyes trembled.

 

“Do you know how many scars she has on her body?”

“…….”

“There were countless traces of her attempting to take her own life.”

“…….”

“What was Ariadeline thinking, and what was she going through being confined in that solitary cell in the monastery?”

 

Dorothea looked firmly at Carlothian.

 

“It’s clear she regrets her past now, so, Carlothian, please give her a chance.”

 

Dorothea clasped her hands together and spoke to him. Carlothian was speechless.

Dorothea, I’ve already killed her with these hands.

His lips felt dry. His voice didn’t come out right.

 

“……Yes.”

“Thank you, Carlothian.”

“And… I want to bring Ariadeline to my estate and keep an eye on her.”

“Is that what Ariadeline wants?”

 

He nodded. Dorothea hesitated for a moment before saying reluctantly.

 

“If it’s her decision, then there’s nothing we can do. Please take good care of her, Carlothian.”

 

Dorothea smiled gently. Carlothian realized.

Right now, what was filling his heart wasn’t the feeling of not wanting to disappoint Dorothea.

 

‘This is crazy…’

 

It seemed like guilt toward the woman named Ariadeline. Carlothian thought as he walked past Dorothea. A sigh, like a groan, escaped his lips.

 

‘Ariadeline…’

 

For the first time in his life, he didn’t pronounce her name like he was chewing on it. He softly uttered her name. It felt awkward. Incredibly awkward.

But that gentle pronunciation lingered on his tongue, making him keep thinking of her name.

Ariadeline’s very existence was starting to bother him.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

Upon arriving at Carlothian’s mansion, I was escorted to the bathroom by the maids, unlike before.

The hands that were scrubbing me felt like they were handling a stray cat that had just been picked up. No, but I’m still a human.

The maids bathed me with perplexed expressions, then dressed me in a simple indoor dress. They looked bewildered the whole time.

Well, their former mistress suddenly appeared as a criminal, so it must be quite embarrassing for them to tend to me.

I nodded silently to myself. I could understand their feelings.

I remembered a time when a singer who used to be less successful than me suddenly rose to stardom and made me run errands for them.

 

‘Ha, I really wanted to give them a good smack at the time.’

 

The maids are handling a sinner now. They must be itching to punch me. As I was thinking of letting them land a blow or two, being the magnanimous person I am, one of the maids spoke up.

 

“Shall I call for a physician?”

 

I was perplexed for a moment, then recalled the wounds still on my body. Ah, that’s what was worrying them.

 

“It’s fine, ah… *cough* It won’t go away anyway.”

“Yes?”

“Just go and take a break.”

 

I smiled broadly and ushered the maids out. Ugh, even being tended to is hard work.

I may have been a celebrity, but having people do everything for me like this feels strange.

I locked the door tightly and threw myself onto the bed. This place is just another wide prison anyway. There are guards watching me, and I can’t think of anything to do right now.

I sprawled out on the bed and closed my eyes. Might as well sleep. I had my eyes closed for a little while.

When I opened them again, it was a pitch-black night. But something was odd. Someone was speaking to me.

 

He’s abandoned you.

Are you angry at him? Enraged, even?

Let’s kill him. Let’s make him something that no one else can have.

 

A piercing sound rang in my ears. My head was throbbing with pain.

 

“Ah. Ah, AAAH-!”

 

I grabbed my head in sudden pain and started screaming.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

Upon receiving the report that Ariadeline was asleep and locked in her room, Carlothian finished all his tasks in his office and prepared for the night.

 

“Butler.”

“Yes.”

“Have the medicine ready in my room.”

“Understood.”

 

The butler left with a troubled expression to fetch the medicine, while Carlothian leaned heavily against his chair, clutching his head.

 

‘I can’t believe I came back at this time.’

 

His madness had worsened about a fortnight ago, and he had returned just after one fortnight had passed. Perhaps he could sleep after taking the medicine, but it was not a proper solution.

 

‘But today I’m in desperate need of it.’

“Sigh…”

 

His head hurt. Today was the first time he’d ever traveled back in time. He thought of Ariadeline.

 

‘I felt it after I died. I thought, ah, maybe you can stop my regression.’

 

And her brightly smiling face.

 

‘So please kill me once more.’

 

She looked pretty desperate. Carlothian remembered the moment she had just opened her eyes. She had burst into laughter upon realizing she could speak.

 

‘Aha, ahahahaha!’

 

Then tears followed. Her hands covered her face, tears flowing through the gaps. She was like a madwoman, swinging between the two emotions.

It’s natural for someone to feel hopeless when they lose their voice and can’t speak. But with her, it seemed to have a deeper meaning.

Suddenly, the sound of someone running hurriedly outside was heard.

Bam!

 

“My lord!”

“What’s the matter?”

 

His brow furrowed naturally. What urgent matter made them rush without even knocking? The butler, panting heavily as if he had seen a ghost, spoke.

 

“T-the madam. Something is wrong with the madam.”

 

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