My Will Did Not Mean This

“This is the end for now, but how much more will I be greedy next time?”

 

Vivian didn’t fit in with monsters like him. He needed to let her go. In his head, he thought he would have to leave someday.

 

“I just can’t let go of you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

 

Because she was the only one who reached out to a monster like him. Because she was the one who smiled that it was okay. He held onto the hem of her dress as her back was turned, and as she fell into his wide open arms, the overwhelming guilt seemed to make him nauseous. If she didn’t like him… he couldn’t just say something like “run away.”

 

＊ ＊ ＊

 

Intense sunlight penetrated between her eyelids. It seemed like only a moment ago she was lying down looking at the night sky, but it was already morning.

 

“Yes…”

 

Vivian rubbed her watery eyes and looked around. She thought it was strangely cold and Aslan was nowhere to be seen. It seemed that he ran away alone, leaving only herself behind.

 

‘This vile person. No, it’s an animal.’

 

Was it because the sun shines? The atmosphere at the cemetery felt normal, unlike yesterday, but she still didn’t want to stay there for too long. Vivian grabbed the sword that had been standing in the corner and stood up. She thought her body would be heavy and achy after lying on the cold stone floor all night, but unexpectedly she felt refreshed, as if she had woken up in a warm blanket.

 

‘I guess my ancestors helped me keep my mouth shut.’

 

Eleonora’s coat of arms was engraved in the mausoleum here, so it wasn’t an entirely absurd story. Vivian left the mausoleum, strangely enough, removing the black fur from her entire body. As she was trudging down the mountain path, someone came into view. Aslan was standing at the meeting place yesterday. He definitely had an eye-catching look. Under neatly swept black hair, dark eyebrows, a sharp bridge of the nose, lips so thick that you can feel the heat when you touch them, a strong jawline, and a long, deep-boned frame. And the somehow cool aura.

 

“…”

 

Their eyes met. For a moment, his eyes soften as if snow melts.

 

“Vivian.”

 

“Where on earth were you yesterday? We were supposed to go together, but I got lost while looking for you.”

 

She couldn’t say that she had encountered him in demon form, so instead she puffed out her cheeks and complained that he had abandoned his fiancée in the cemetery. Aslan was restless, unbecoming of a man of his size, and only lingered around Vivian.

 

“There were circumstances.”

 

“Ha.”

 

“I have no excuse since I broke my promise to you.”

 

If he took just one step, he would be right there, but he repeatedly brushed his head as if he was blaming himself for not seeing Vivian. Then Aslan suddenly got down on his knees. His bloody thighs were clearly reflected in his gold.

 

“Vivian, your thighs…”

 

“Oh!”

 

Vivian looked down in surprise. When she became aware of her forgotten wound, she suddenly felt a pain that she had never felt before. The open wound was sore and burning.

 

“Oh my god. It hurts to think about it.”

 

“Can you walk?”

 

“Are you asking for real? You don’t know how to do healing magic, do you?”

 

“I will learn from now on.”

 

“Ugh, it hurts…”

 

What could she do in front of someone who cared about her? Vivian couldn’t say anything more and just bit his lip. Aslan also had no memory, but he seemed to subconsciously know that the wound was caused by him. So, he must have knelt down on the dirt floor and looked guilty.

 

Aslan’s calloused palms gently stroked her thighs.

 

“Hold on a little.”

 

The hand that tore off her jacket and tied up the wound was careful. Aslan glared at the wound hidden by her cloth as if he were an enemy, and then turned around and sat down on his knees. Aslan’s broad back was visible at a glance.

 

“What?”

 

“Get on my back.”

 

“Where should I put my hands?”

 

“There… No, I missed it.”

 

“Are you missing your words? You mean you made that mistake?”

 

Vivian blinked in surprise. She said she was so distracted yesterday that she missed her words, but even though Aslan had returned from a magical beast to a human, she was still properly dressed.

 

‘Did Dylan not prepare properly?’

 

In the original, when Aslan was released from his magical state, he used a trained falcon to signal Dylan. He wanted to receive clothes and other supplies that were always prepared just in case. Therefore, she thought that her horse must have been tied up somewhere when going down the mountain.

 

‘I guess I’m embarrassed too.’

 

When he said that he had somehow missed it, Aslan’s voice seemed very hesitant. Like a lying child, she couldn’t answer easily and was hesitant. She thought Aslan would be perfect in anything he did. Vivian found that sight fascinating.

 

“Then I’ll take care of you.”

 

Anyway, right now she wanted to hurry down the mountain, treat her wounds, and take a dip in the warm water. Vivian carefully wrapped her arms around his neck. Aslan’s arms support her hips without shaking. As he stood up, Vivian’s vision immediately improved. His gaze was a head or two higher than usual. It felt like everything in the world was beneath my feet. An excited Vivian looked around as if she were on an amusement ride, and Aslan suddenly spoke to her.

 

“I make mistakes too. Anyway, humans… Because.”

 

He seemed to be bothered by the question of whether you make mistakes too. His voice seemed somehow bitter.

 

“Especially in front of you, I feel like I always make mistakes. There are times when I wish I could turn back time.”

 

“For example?”

 

“I couldn’t keep my promise to you yesterday. What made me wander the mountain path alone in the dark of night. I can’t do anything for you when you’re hurt. entire.”

 

All Vivian could see as she was riding on her back was Aslan’s clenched jaw. Nevertheless, she could feel the responsibility he carried. Even to herself, who was merely his soon-to-be-dead fiancée.

 

‘It’s not your fault that I turned into a demonic beast. It wasn’t your fault that the curse was overwritten.’

 

He wouldn’t say anything, so she couldn’t say anything either. He couldn’t even easily give comfort that he was okay. Vivian instead hugged Aslan’s neck even more tightly. She was strong enough even without him protecting her, ‘So please free yourself a little from the responsibility that binds you’. Was some wordless comfort conveyed? Aslan’s steps stopped briefly.

 

“I have a secret you can’t even imagine.”

 

His jaw becomes stiffer. She could see the tendons sticking out as if he was biting his chin. 

If he kept doing this, his molars would break. Vivian unconsciously caressed the stiff side of his chin.

 

“What if you have a secret? Is there anyone in the world who has nothing to hide?”

 

“But I…”

 

“If revealing it hurts you, don’t think too much about it, just hide it. If you hide it until the end, even a lie becomes the truth. Then no one will be able to point a finger at you.”

 

The curse written by Aslan was a secret that should not be revealed even to the stones on the street. A terrible spell that would entangle him for the rest of his life. However, he had a strong sense of responsibility and a deep sense of guilt. He was born with a curse and felt terrible about pretending to be an ordinary human being. So he wanted to let her know at least this way. If there was nothing you can do no matter how hard you try, close your eyes. Even if it seems cowardly, sometimes turning a blind eye could be the solution.

 

“You are so amazing.”

 

“What?”

 

“I think you know what I want to hear most.”

 

“Cha, you must be mistaken.”

 

Vivian suddenly woke up from her emotions. Even though the setting was that they didn’t know Aslan’s secret, it felt like they were delving too deeply into it.

 

‘Oh my god, I don’t know.’

 

Besides, since when has this guy’s palm been caressing Aslan’s cheek! She was a little concerned about his clenched jaw, but was he crazy enough to cover his entire face? Vivian quickly returned her palm to its original position. And out of uncontrollable embarrassment, she buried her face in his shoulder.

 

“Please hurry.”

 

“I will try.”

 

Contrary to his cool answer, his steps did not get faster at all. There was a calm smile on Aslan’s mouth that Vivian could not see.

 

＊ ＊ ＊

 

Vivian and Aslan escaped the Forest of Divinity after many twists and turns. The hunting festival was in full swing, and there were even nobles who arrived late, so there were more people than on the first day. Aslan caught the servant who was busily going between the people. No matter how busy he was, the orders of Aslan, the royal family and grand duke, took precedence over everything else.

 

“Vivian is injured, call the doctor. I also prepare warm bath water.”

 

“Yes, Your Highness.”

 

The servant with his head bowed retreated, and Aslan protected the sleeping Vivian from the gaze of the surrounding nobles. Two people who were engaged stayed away all night and later showed up looking disheveled. Insidious and blatant gazes followed the two. Aslan just silently memorized their faces one by one.

 

“Vivian, wake up now. I have to wash it.”

 

Arriving at the lodgings, Aslan carefully placed Vivian on the bed. The gesture of slowly rubbing on the pure white sheets is lovely.

 

“Yes… Where am I?”

 

“Our accommodation.”

 

Unlike ordinary nobles who stayed in barracks, Aslan was given separate accommodation in a building. Although it was not spacious, it was luxurious enough to be compared to the bedroom of most count families. Vivian, who had just woken up, blinked her eyes blankly and then made a comment.

 

“Wow, sometimes it’s nice that you’re part of the royal family.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“Yes, then your bedroom is on the other side?”

 

Vivian lay down and lowered her gaze. The thighs exposed between the torn pants are smooth. It seemed like he showed his wounds to the doctor while he was sleeping. However, although it was only smooth on the outside, it was followed by a gasping pain when pressed. It was a characteristic of wounds that had been treated using magic. Vivian thought she needed to be careful for the time being, but Aslan tilted his head as if he was puzzled.

 

“This is my bedroom.”

 

“So I guess I’m on the other side? I need to rest too, so I need to get up quickly and move on…”

 

“Your bedroom is here too.”

 

This time Vivian’s head tilted.

 

“Yes?”

 

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Translator Note: