My Will Did Not Mean This

In a bottomless pit, Aslan wandered through a long maze of memories.

 

‘You accursed devil who wants to tear my soul apart and take over my body. What are you trying to do to plunge me into despair this time?’

 

Squeak. Squeak.

 

The location changes with an eerie laughter that resonates like tinnitus. The magnificent banquet hall of the imperial palace. However, it was a little different from what Aslan was used to. His vision was all dark red, as if blood had been splattered. The rhythmic sound of shoe heels came closer. Aslan lowered his gaze.

 

“Vivian of Eleonora sends greetings to His Majesty the Grand Duke.”

 

The woman bowing her head with courtesy as always, and himself ignoring her as if he was used to it. Laughs and whispers could be heard from those around her who were watching her. The arrow made with three inches of the tongue was aimed at Vivian as always. There was no way she hadn’t heard it.

 

“…”

 

Thin and pretty eyelashes like butterfly wings flutter slowly. That was just the reaction. If she had shouted and screamed badmouthing him, he might have felt sorry for her weakness, but in the end, he felt disgusted by her eyes, which did not reveal any emotions.

 

‘You look like an emotionless doll. Indeed, she is a woman sent by the Empress.’

 

Since he could not rule out the possibility that she was the Empress’s person, he was wary of her and sometimes trampled on her honor as if to show off. More than anything else, Vivian Eleonora’s very existence was the clearest proof that he had become subservient to the Empress. He got angry every time he saw her.

 

‘It’s absolutely disgusting. When will you leave me?’

 

Still, she was strangely eye-catching. To the person of the Empress, whom even he could not understand. Time gathers to form days, and as the days pass, the seasons cycle. On the third year of his engagement to Vivian Eleonora, Aslan broke off their engagement.

 

“The position of Grand Duchess will never be yours even after death. The engagement will be broken off soon, so just wait patiently.”

 

“…”

 

Her expression finally revealed. A feeling of extreme resentment permeates deep into her same eyes. Her pursed lips and soft, trembling breath as if she was holding back her tears. Dark red blood was spreading on her handkerchief as she collapsed and coughed.

 

He would regret this day someday.

 

At the same time as the devil’s sarcastic whisper, her vision went away like a light going out. Aslan once again fell into the distant darkness.

 

* * *

 

“Don’t worry. I will take responsibility for saving you.”

 

‘Who are you? Why can you talk so casually to me who is so ugly and disgusting? How can you smile like that?’

 

When did Aslan, who had been wandering in his bottomless pit, return to consciousness? As his body was taken away and the devil consumed him, he suddenly blinked. His vision returned and… Vivian El Leonora, that damn woman, was in front of him. In a short period of time, numerous possibilities crossed his mind. He was consumed by a curse while fighting assassins. And when he woke up, Vivian Eleonora was in front of him. He couldn’t help but think.

 

‘Did you lure me in?’

 

This was the first suspicion he had.

 

‘Did you see it?’

 

The next suspicion was this. His true self. The fact that the second prince, Aslan Rezef Astaroth, who had built a reputation in aristocratic society and was revered like a god by knights, was in fact a dirty and hideous demon beast. But when he looked down, he realized something was strange. His body was still covered in rough, brittle hair. Aslan realized that he was still in the form of a demon beast.

 

‘Why is this happening…? Have I ended up going crazy?’

 

When the curse engulfed him and transformed him into the form of a beast, he always lost his identity and memories. But now, it was maintaining human consciousness while taking the form of an animal. It was a moment when Aslan’s eyes were filled with embarrassment.

 

Bang!

 

Vivian Eleonora began chopping down the bars with an axe. Even though her face was white and panting as if her lung disease had begun, she did not give up. When her locks finally broke and Vivian fainted from exhaustion, Aslan decided to kill her. Considering that she discovered the magical beast, it was right for him to kill her right away. He could easily dispose of her by just stepping on that delicate neck once.

 

“…”

 

But why? When he thought about that, he felt like he was trapped by something and couldn’t take his feet off. Aslan looked down at Vivian with confused eyes. Her rosy cheeks were gradually turning pale.

 

Aslan’s teeth clenched.

 

‘Yes, I still need this girl. To prevent political attacks from the Crown Prince faction, I want to put on a mediocre play.’

 

Giggling, that’s not it, is it?

 

‘Noisy. shut up.’

 

Trying to shake off the whispers echoing in his head, Aslan placed the unconscious Vivian on his back.

 

* * *

 

Despite being transformed into a black lion, Aslan’s consciousness remained clear and awake. Inside the cave where he stayed to avoid the impending heavy rain, he realized this while watching Vivian’s every move.

 

‘The princess doesn’t know about my true identity.’

 

She treated him as she would an ordinary animal. She treated his wounds and talked to him as if he were a child. Her appearance was so natural that Aslan let go of his guard against her, a new woman he had not known about.

 

‘So, the princess enjoyed taming wild beasts?’

 

Until she contracted lung disease, she enjoyed hunting, and in the process, she also became adept at taming the wild animals she captured. Among them, her favorite silver wolf was one that Aslan had seen several times. She cherished the wolf like a pet dog and carried it with her wherever she went as if it were her own body. Of course, she used it to threaten people.

 

‘She caught me mistaking me for a normal animal, but she didn’t run away anyway, so that’s good. She saved me the trouble of looking for her twice.’

 

Aslan sat in one corner of the cave and watched Vivian’s actions. Vivian was in the terminal stage of lung disease, so it must have been difficult for her to even stand on her own, but Vivian was constantly rustling around and investigating the cave. Aslan couldn’t understand her.

 

‘Stupid woman.’

 

Even if her body temperature dropped even slightly, she would frequently cough up blood and faint, and without knowing how to protect herself, she tore off her warm dress and gave it to him. Without any sign of regret. She was wearing only thin underwear like that. Her slender silhouette was clearly visible beneath the shoulder straps. Her hands and feet had long since turned white.

 

‘No, I don’t want to see you.’

 

The thin, thin body of a sick person. Every time he saw the marks of death carved into her body, an inexplicable anger raised his head. He wanted to turn a blind eye to the horror. It felt like she was pressuring him to keep her current frail and pathetic appearance forever engraved in his memory. Even though he knew she couldn’t do that against a beast, it made him feel uncomfortable that she was doing this out of pride.

 

Tuk-

 

Aslan pushed Vivian, who was looking around the cave, to make her sit still. As she relaxed into him, his uncomfortably racing mind calmed. He even said to his ridiculous heart that he wanted to be a little closer to her.

 

‘Let’s not think about it.’

 

Aslan deliberately turned his eyes away from her and looked out of the cave where rain was pouring down. Before he knew it, he could hear her soft, pleasant breathing as she fell asleep. He quietly leaned his head against Vivian’s, feeling her warmth. But peace did not last long.

 

“I think I just heard something.”

 

“Where?”

 

He hid in a cave located in a steep gorge, but the crown prince’s dogs managed to find it. Aslan’s mind spun rapidly. What bothered him the most was whether he could protect Vivian Eleonora. She was a well-bred girl from an aristocratic family. Moreover, she was terminally ill and had difficulty taking care of herself. She will not be able to endure even a small wound and will die.

 

“Whatever happens, you must not kill. Just keep in mind… Ahh!”

 

Aslan, who was wary of his surroundings with Vivian in his arms, had an instinctive killing intent in his eyes. The one word that he should not kill himself, and the anger towards Johannes, paralyzed Aslan’s rationality, which he had barely been able to maintain. Before he knew it, he was leaping forward and biting off the assassin’s neck. A bloody fierce battle ensued, and many lives were lost. However, the tense tug of war did not last long.

 

“The inside of the cave is suspicious!”

 

“There must be something. Break through!”

 

Enemy attacks to enter the cave have become more fierce. The more it happened, the more desperate Aslan became. He had to protect Vivian.

 

‘She must be there. She has to be…’

 

Why? It would be easier for him to fend off the Crown Prince’s faction’s attack if she were there, but did that mean her life was more valuable than mine? His power, his kingdom, that he managed to build by climbing out of the boiling hell. Was one princess’s life more important than all of them? Aslan was confused. He couldn’t understand how desperately he was protecting her.

 

Ah, his mind was turning pitch black.

 

“It’s a gap!”

 

The assassin did not miss the split-second moment when Aslan froze. Aslan, who discovered it belatedly, twisted his body…

 

‘Damn, am I late?’

 

The assassin’s sword was raised above Aslan’s head. It was the moment when he gritted his teeth as he braced himself for pain.

 

“Aaaah!”

 

“Come to your senses, you idiot! Do you want to die here?!”

 

Vivian leapt in the blink of an eye and pierced the assassin’s back with a dagger. Aslan couldn’t believe the sight before his eyes. Vivian Eleonora, holding a dagger that was only about the length of her palm, was instantly dispatching the assassin who was charging at him. Her gorgeous platinum-blonde hair went so well with the swirling purple hair. Like a goddess of war clad in thick blood, she easily killed the enemies that attacked her.

 

‘Such skills…’

 

He had never heard of the princess using the sword. That feeling of embarrassment was only momentary. Every moment of her life was engraved in his mind like a picture. Like a sunflower chasing the sun, there was something about her that instinctively caught his eye.

 

“Are you afraid I haven’t prepared an escape hole? I decide where I will die. And that’s not the case now.”

 

When the cave collapsed, his heart seemed to burst, and when she emerged from a crack in the rock that had collapsed, playing with her dagger and laughing, he could not help but marvel at her boldness and her wit. And…

 

“I had prepared my heart since I found out I had lung disease, but I didn’t want to die this lonely.”

 

The moment he thought he wanted to save her as she was dying, his black energy that had been driving Aslan slowly disappeared. The ugly and violent beast had suddenly turned into a fascinating and beautiful man. Aslan knelt down on one knee and carefully picked up Vivian’s neck. Vivian felt his touch and smiled sadly.

 

“It’s really over now…”

 

“Not yet, princess.”

 

Aslan blocked the rain falling on her with his body. He brushed Vivian’s hair away from her forehead, making her pale face stand out even more.

 

“Open your eyes, princess.”

 

“…”

 

“Breathe!”

 

He was afraid of her breathing, which was gradually fading away. Aslan, who had been muttering desperately as he caressed her cold body, lowered his head as if he had made up his mind. The man’s heated breath falls on Vivian’s pale lips. Finally, a faint gasp broke out.

 

‘Why do I get hungrier the closer I get to you? I can’t wait to get close to you and touch your skin. Like a greedy animal…’

 

What on earth has she done to him? Holding Vivian’s cold body tightly in his arms, Aslan finally found his answer.

 

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Translator Note: