Chapter 60
The Secrets are Always in the Deepest Place (4)
As if sensing my thoughts, Therion stopped walking and began, “Ah.”
[I’ve investigated what you asked about.]
[…Go on.]
[I think it would be better if you saw it directly. But how should I show you….]
…Right now, Ethan’s presence beside me is concerning.
My gaze fell on him as he approached the wall after brushing my hair back, examining the dark wall.
Darkness settled along the sharp, smooth lines of his face.
Should I someday tell Ethan about the fact that I regress?
Ethan has only one life. No, in fact, everyone does.
Except for me, the regressor.
No matter how strong a person he is, if he gets involved in my life that assumes multiple lives, he might easily break. That’s why I hesitated.
Is it okay to… draw him deeply into my life?
As I looked directly at Ethan, his face came into full view.
Like me, he had descended the well wall for quite some time. He was neater than on that day of the extermination practice, but still drenched in sweat.
A person who can do this much for me without asking anything.
Come to think of it, though it’s been a short time, Ethan in this life has always acted with trust in me.
Without me proving anything. As if just me was enough….
I can’t return the same trust and devotion to him.
But at least.
Couldn’t I tell him?
Therion whispered in my ear.
[Are you thinking of telling him too?]
The time to worry about whether or not to draw him deeply into my life has already passed.
Ethan had asked to stay by my side, and since I had accepted that….
I had to tell him ‘now’.
[…Yes.]
I’m not sure how I’ll look when I deliver this serious message, but looking at Ethan, I could roughly guess.
My hair is probably tangled and a mess, and in this darkness, dimly lit by strong light magic, I might look like a ghost.
Still, my voice was serious.
“Ethan, I have something to tell you.”
“Is it important?”
“Yes. Very much so.”
“And it’s something we must discuss before entering this place?”
“That’s right.”
As soon as Ethan realized that what I was about to say was serious, he turned completely towards me from peering into the dark cave.
It was a gesture of listening.
“I’m ready to listen.”
…Ethan will probably continue to stay by my side without asking anything, as long as I keep growing according to his expectations.
But is there anyone else besides Ethan who would place such expectation and trust in me just for that?
He lent a hand in dealing with the wolf monster when accompanying me to Crowell Castle, and helped me maintain my sanity among my brainwashed family members.
Above all, didn’t he jump into this unknown well with me?
It’s not new, but he has saved my life, which should have ended in this life, several times.
So, it’s okay to tell him.
To Ethan Behemoth.
“Actually, this isn’t the first time I’m living this life.”
“……”
“I’ve gone back to the past many times, living without knowing the reason why.”
Ethan’s brow furrowed slightly.
He kept his mouth shut for quite a while. Even so, he repeatedly reached out to grip my shoulder, then withdrew.
Strangely, even that hesitation felt okay.
Because all those actions didn’t stem from contempt, disgust, or awe.
It was evident in his every movement that he was just choosing his words.
I continued speaking without hesitation.
“But this life seems different. I feel like I’m seeing a bit of a clue as to why I keep living repeated lives.”
I intensified the light magic a bit more to illuminate the dark passage ahead.
As the darkness scattered like a swarm of insects, the entrance to a grand cavity was revealed.
This black hole was merely an entrance leading into the cavity.
“…And this unknown place seems to be related to why I’m living repeated lives. Though I just found out.”
Ethan opened his mouth with an expression that suggested everything was explained. It seemed he had finished piecing together what he had felt with my words. I had no worries.
Using the excuse that he didn’t ask anything, I revealed everything to the point of seeming careless. There would be more than enough of my actions to prove my words.
“…When do you go back to the past?”
Ah, I haven’t told you about that yet.
I answered calmly.
“When I die. Always.”
Ethan slowly rubbed his forehead.
“Then how many times… No, there’s no point in asking.”
I nodded silently without answering.
Gaining experience and opportunities through death.
It’s my story, but if someone else had said such things, I would have condemned them as a psychopath.
It was also inevitable that he couldn’t easily accept it right away.
In fact, this might be the first time I’ve confessed to being a regressor to someone outside my family.
Sometimes, I couldn’t even tell my family.
Especially in the very beginning when I started regressing.
It felt like no one would understand my loneliness. Sometimes I thought I was going crazy.
Perhaps because of this, my voice was as cold as ice as I continued the story, but at the same time, there was a lump in my throat. Something hot was bubbling up beneath my throat.
Ethan quietly said,
“May I ask a few other things?”
“…Yes. I’m grateful enough that you haven’t immediately told me I’m talking nonsense.”
“How could I not believe your words?”
Look at this. How could I keep hiding from someone who shows me such trust?
He cautiously asked,
“…Why… did you start going back to the past? Is there no way to live in the present together? You don’t know the reason?”
“…These are all hypotheses, but I assume the cause of my regression is due to a curse I received long ago during a subjugation practice.”
“There was such a curse there?”
“Yes. As a cliff collapsed, a hidden cavity was revealed, and I unfortunately touched something that was sleeping there.”
I was quite unlucky.
“…?”
Ethan tilted his head, seemingly feeling disconnected from me, describing something that happened just a few weeks ago as ‘long ago’, but I continued regardless. It really was a very long time ago for me when I received that curse.
“It’s a curse that slowly turns you to ash and kills you over several years… If I die before seeing the end of this curse, I go back to the past.”
“Wait, have you never seen the end?”
“I have. In my previous life.”
“…But you’re here in front of me now.”
“Something went wrong. Do you remember when you stopped me from killing myself in the training ground? That was the point I had returned to the past. To be honest, I resented you quite a bit.”
“…So you’re saying I should just watch you try to die?”
Yeah. Even after hearing my story, that point remains unchanged. Ethan’s voice sounded extremely tired in just a moment.
“…How did you endure it alone?”
“I wonder.”
Did I endure it well? I’m not really sure. And there was something more important than that. It seemed Ethan realized it too.
“But you judged that this story is necessary now…”
That I still have something I haven’t told.
I nodded to Therion, and he slowly stepped forward, removing his magic to reveal himself.
Ethan sharply turned in that direction, immediately placing his hand on the hilt of his sword. The atmosphere instantly froze.
“……”
However, Therion lightly brushed off Ethan’s wariness and nodded. As always, there was something chilling about his face despite his bright smile.
“Hello?”
“You…”
“…I judged that it would be difficult with my power alone. So…”
I placed my hand on top of Ethan’s. That is, I intervened to prevent Ethan from drawing his sword.
Ethan’s hand trembled slightly under mine, as if in anguish.
“…First, I’m sorry for lying. On that day of the subjugation practice, when that incident occurred, I learned that Therion was a demon interested in the curse. So…”
“A demon?”
Therion waved his hand at Ethan and chuckled.
“Yes.”
Please just stay still.
“Yes, I made a contract with him to help me with my ‘journey to die’. You can report me to the temple for contracting with a demon if you want… But I told you all this thinking that you would be on my side too.”
You won’t report me to the temple, right?
While pretending to have a calm face, I steadied my trembling voice.
“Did I make the wrong bet?”
🥀
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