Chapter 48
I Want to Be Helpful to You (3)
Sometimes, I would spend an entire life tearing apart someone else’s life.
That was the revenge of a regressor.
Everyone lives only once. They have only one chance to build, plan, and accumulate their life.
But not a regressor. We can dedicate an entire life to ruining someone else’s. We can arbitrarily destroy the life someone else has carefully built.
The only reason I didn’t always live like that was simply because I had people I needed to protect.
“Edith. Do you know what’s needed for a happy life?”
“I’m not sure, Mother.”
“Family who will always believe in you. And a little luck and… willpower, I think.”
“Then I’m already happy.”
“That’s right. But the happiness in your life might take a different form, so it’s not too late to think about it slowly as you live.”
Mother said this, smiling as she gently pressed my nose.
This was not long after Edith had started living in Crowell Castle.
And I pondered about happiness throughout my life.
Even as I repeated my sixteenth to twentieth years hundreds of times, I kept mulling over that conversation from so long ago.
And my definition of a happy life became ‘a life where my people are happy’.
So I can do anything. For those people I’ve embraced, those I’ve acknowledged as within my care.
I can sacrifice this life that will revive no matter how many times I die.
So, fortunately, I had a simple plan.
A very regressor-like method.
Right now, avoiding the office and reception room, I’ll completely blow away the western part of Crowell Castle with magic. When the dust settles and the screams fade, we’ll start to distinguish between those under the brainwashing spell and those who aren’t.
Those not under the spell will run away, and those who are will die by my hand.
I’d capture and force the ones who fled to kneel. I’d use the torture methods I learned on the battlefield.
If I find the cause of the brainwashing, things will be resolved there, but if not, I’ll expand the area and repeat until I find the cause.
Once I find the one who ruined my family’s lives, everything will be solved.
Then, I’ll take my own life and return to the past where nothing had happened.
At least that life will be free of any wrongs.
I finished this cold calculation.
Let’s start by blowing up the western building of Crowell Castle. It won’t take long to resolve this unpleasantness.
Just as I was about to raise my hand to cast the spell.
“Edith.”
Ethan grabbed my arm, stopping me.
“Ah.”
I swallowed a short gasp and looked up.
My thoughts, which had been rushing towards a cliff like a herd of lost animals, stopped abruptly at Ethan’s touch.
It overlapped with the moment he caught the sword swinging toward my neck on the training ground. …Why did that suddenly come to mind?
“…Why do you look like you’re about to kill everyone?”
I looked down at his hand for a moment, then took a deep breath and pushed his hand away with my other hand. Ethan’s dark blue eyes widened.
“You saw correctly.”
“…What?”
“It’s obvious, isn’t it? I have no mercy for those who touch my people.”
I stepped back.
I will never be able to repay him for the help he gives me.
“And thank you for last night’s kindness.”
If he helps me with my revenge, I will end up passing on to him the infamy of being the mad young lord who massacred countless people in Crowell territory.
“I think it would be best if you left Crowell territory now, Ethan.”
So this time too, it’s time to push him away before he steps over my line.
Once was enough for him to cross the line and approach me, like in the training ground.
I know well what kind of madness I’m about to unleash.
I also know well that there’s nothing good for Ethan Behemoth to be involved in this.
He bears no responsibility, so he should be allowed to leave.
I could do this much as repayment for his help in the subjugation area.
Ethan stood still in his place, quietly looking at me.
The scent of winter was seeping through the narrow, long windows of Crowell Castle. The cold, dry, empty fragrance calmed my mind.
So, reminding myself not to think about things like regret or loneliness, I slowly opened my mouth.
“…If you stay in Crowell territory for too long, you might be affected the same way. I can’t bear to see that. So please leave quickly.”
“Edith. Do you think you can solve this problem alone?”
What?
I thought I had calmly expressed my intentions, but Ethan’s question left me momentarily speechless.
Do I think I can solve this alone?
“…Yes.”
Of course. What does he think I am?
“I can easily overturn this small castle all by myself.”
But instead of backing down at my words, Ethan tilted his chin slightly.
“It’s not my place to interfere with how you solve the problem, but…”
“But what?”
“The Baron and his wife, and your lovely sister, they probably won’t be on your side this time.”
“…Ha.”
My expression twisted with sudden irritation.
What are you trying to say?
I’ve always been lonely. I was alone at every moment.
The secret of remembering the past and repeating the present wasn’t something I could easily confide to anyone, so even in my past life, I only told my family.
What do you know?
And the next moment, Ethan Behemoth swallowed my surging anger like sand absorbing the tide.
“But I can be on your side.”
“…?”
“Even if you hide more things and don’t tell me anything. I will stay by your side, always on your side.”
I was at a loss for words.
What… what is this person saying now?
Ethan added quietly,
“I’m not saying I’ll do anything for you.”
His hand, slowly reaching out once again, grasped the hem of my clothes.
“I promise to be on your side in any situation, so keep me by your side.”
“……”
At that moment, I decided not to push his hand away this time.
“…Is this kindness also because I look uneasy?”
“To some extent.”
I raised both hands and slowly wiped my face. It was too short to be called a dry wash, but too long to be considered just resting my forehead.
There was something I needed to confirm before making a decision.
“You’re not trying to stop me, but to help me?”
“Yes.”
“If I… carry out my plan, you might gain infamy too. Are you okay with that? Aren’t you worried? Don’t you think this is your last chance to stop me?”
“I think I’d be more worried leaving you alone.”
…Does he know what he’s saying? A bitter laugh escaped me.
“Really…”
“…Have you calmed down a bit now?”
Thanks to Ethan’s unexpected words, the anger that seemed about to burst at any moment subsided.
The magic I had concentrated in my hands had long since dispersed into the air.
I nodded briefly.
Saying he’ll just stay by my side, when he’s not even family…
‘You’ll regret it.’
Exhaling a breath from deep in my chest, I faced Ethan.
“…If you insist on getting involved in my affairs, I think we’ll need to modify the plan a bit.”
The method of overturning the castle with my power alone was only suitable when I had no helpers.
I could commit the act and end my life before needing to deal with the aftermath, escaping to another life, but he couldn’t.
Because he has to continue living this life…
“I told you I don’t mind if things get difficult.”
“Don’t talk nonsense.”
I glared at Ethan. He seemed to be trying to brush off the situation with a shrug of his shoulders.
‘He has an annoying side…’
But what good does glaring at him do?
Thinking it was useless, I soon withdrew my gaze and started tidying my disheveled hair, pushing it to the side as I spoke.
“Duke Behemoth probably won’t agree… Anyway, let’s continue our conversation in my room.”
“Alright.”
And just as we were about to head to my room.
Perhaps because the tension suddenly eased, my legs gave way and I collapsed as if crumbling.
No, I didn’t actually fall. Ethan quickly extended his arm and caught me by the waist.
“…Ha.”
I barely managed to catch my breath in a precarious position, almost falling. My mind was so preoccupied that I was slow to grasp the situation.
Through the thin dress that slightly constricted my waist, I could feel Ethan’s body heat. Ethan’s lips moved slightly, uttering just one word.
“…Careful.”
🥀
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