My Child is Dead

My father had always opposed my marriage to Henderson.

His ridiculous reasons were that he disliked Henderson’s background and handsome face.

He even warned me that Henderson’s looks would lead to trouble with other women.

‘Maybe he was right.’

Unable to win against me, my father ultimately allowed the marriage.

But as if in retaliation, he often sent Henderson abroad.

For the past few years, Henderson had been handling minor diplomatic affairs rather than managing matters within the empire or his own territories.

Had he grown resentful of the unjust tasks he was given, leading him to neglect me?

Had he sought comfort in another woman?

I couldn’t openly criticize Henderson for being with someone else because I thought I bore some of the blame for his distance.

I set aside the many swirling questions in my mind and focused on Helena in front of me.

There was not a hint of hesitation in her alluring eyes.

Incredibly, Helena had invited me for tea under the pretext of comforting me.

I had sent away all the servants.

I needed to ask her if she could look me in the eye without shame.

An inexplicable tension hung in the air of the parlor, now just the two of us.

“Lady Riley, did you dismiss everyone to speak with me?”

I had no reason to feel anxious, yet an unidentifiable tension made my palms sweat. I gripped the hem of my dress tightly.

“I won’t beat around the bush.”

Helena nodded slightly.

“I saw the lady entering Henderson’s room last night. Can I ask why?”

I was relieved my voice didn’t tremble, but my hand gripping the dress shook uncontrollably.

In contrast, Helena remained calm.

Caught in an affair with a married man, she seemed unfazed by what could be a major obstacle in her own future.

Seeing her, so composed and confident, made me loathe my own weakness.

After a few seconds of silence, Helena finally spoke.

“Oh, you’ve finally noticed?”

Her unexpected answer caught me off guard, and I foolishly responded, “…What?”

“I was starting to think I needed to be more obvious because you were so oblivious.”

“…”

“I’ve really struggled to act nice for a whole year. Phew.”

Helena smiled lightly, as if satisfied that I had figured out their affair.

In that moment, memories of Helena being kind to me over the past year flooded back.

“Lady Riley, good morning!”

“I found some pretty flowers on the way and bought them for you.”

Had all of it been a lie?

The realization that I had been completely duped by Helena’s act sent chills down my spine.

“Did you really not know? That I and the Duke are… involved?”

“Lady Helena…”

“The reason I’ve been nice to you all this time… is because I felt guilty.”

“…”

“Why is it that a cheating husband often treats his wife kindly out of guilt?”

Helena stuck out her tongue and let out a small, “Oops.”

“It should have been the duke treating you well, not me. Right?”

I bit my lower lip, remaining silent.

Even after Helena admitted the truth, I couldn’t accept it. 

Although Henderson and I had had our issues over the past year, he didn’t seem like the type to cheat.

No one knew him better than I did, his wife. 

First of all, he had no interest in women.

He was so disinterested that before our marriage, rumors had circulated that he might prefer men.

Yet… the way Helena looked at me seemed sincere.

And I overheard their conversation about promising a future together yesterday.

I might have to accept that they shared something more than friendship.

My confidence in knowing Henderson well might have been sheer arrogance.

A violent storm of emotions raged within me.

Anger, betrayal, regret, despair… countless feelings swirled together, making it hard to pinpoint just one.

In a fit of fury, I splashed the tea from my cup onto Helena’s face.

“How could you do this?”

She calmly wiped her face with her sleeve, as if she had expected my reaction.

Her gaze, when we locked eyes again, had turned cold and menacing.

The warmth she had once shown me was nowhere to be found.

Helena felt like a completely different person.

I felt tears welling up but fought hard to hold them back.

I didn’t want to cry in front of Helena, who so brazenly revealed herself as my husband’s mistress.

“Does love work the way you want it to?”

I couldn’t immediately argue against her. Part of me agreed with her audacious statement.

Just as I had been unable to stop loving Henderson despite my father’s objections.

“Since we’re sharing, I should tell you—Henderson has always liked me more than you, even from the beginning.”

“…”

“He married you because of Eddie and to further his own career.”

Although my father had sent Henderson abroad, marrying me had earned him more recognition than before.

Every word she confessed felt like a dagger stabbing at my heart. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe.

“But what a shame. Even Eddie, who was holding his ankle, died….”

The moment Helena uttered my child’s name, my tightly sealed lips parted.

I could tolerate her speaking about Henderson, but I couldn’t allow her to speak carelessly about my beloved child.

“Lady, shut your mouth. If you mention my child’s name again, this won’t end with just tea.”

“Yes, madam. I will keep quiet.”

Helena rose from her seat with a faint smile.

“I suppose you don’t want to see my face any longer, so I’ll take my leave.”

“…”

“When Henderson returns, feel free to ask him about our relationship. I hope you can gather your thoughts in the meantime…”

The sound of Helena’s shoes faded away.

I wanted to call her back, slap her, and hurl insults at her.

But the tears that finally fell prevented me from holding on to her.

As I lowered my head, a cold tear fell.

 

☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓

 

I couldn’t sleep even late into the night.

I kept wondering why Henderson had turned away from me, and if Helena had treated Eddie as an obstacle and killed him quietly.

Where did it all start to go wrong?

Lost in thought, I tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep just before dawn.

In my dream, I saw my beloved Eddie.

He was sitting on my lap, looking up at me with his rosy, plump lips smiling.

“Mom, I want to be a flower.”

I asked him why.

“Because you look so happy when you see flowers. I want you to look at me like that… Is Eddie’s wish strange?”

“No, it’s not strange at all.”

I pulled him close, tears brimming in my eyes.

I loved him.

I loved him so much that I would die for him if I had to.

Yet, I couldn’t look at him with pure happiness because he resembled Henderson too much.

As my relationship with Henderson grew distant, seeing Eddie’s face became increasingly painful.

His black hair and silver eyes reminded me of Henderson.

It hurt to see someone who looked like the man who had grown cold towards me.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I love you more than any flower.”

I kept patting his back gently.

Tears streamed down as I held my child close.

That was the end of the dream.

“… Sigh.”

The scene was a recent conversation I had with Eddie.

Since that day, I had cleared all the flower pots from his room, I think.

He had been disappointed by that and would often go down to the garden to see the flowers.

I wanted him not to envy the flowers, but I couldn’t stop him from sitting there, lost in their beauty.

All I could do was promise myself to look at him with a happy face.

Yet, that promise felt empty after he died.

The child who wanted to be a flower was buried in cold earth.

I closed my eyes and opened them again, and thick tears fell from my eyes.

The tears that had begun the day he died showed no sign of stopping.

I wiped my tears with my sleeve.

It was then that I sensed a strange presence.