“Even if you don’t die soon, there must be something you can’t do. After all, you are a Blanchet.”
His face looked bewildered as he stared at me. No wonder. No one had probably ever dared to talk back to a noble young master like this. Everyone always bowed their heads in front of a Blanchet.
“Interesting.”
A fleeting smile appeared and disappeared on Cassian’s face. With a hint of sarcasm, he met my gaze.
“In the end, you came here hoping to pick up even a drop that falls from Blanchet, didn’t you?”
Someone who roams around looking for even a drop that falls from Blanchet.
That perfectly describes my situation. Normally, it would have been an unremarkable, unfeeling comment to just let slide. After all, countless commoners, at least the people of Alphonse in Cleonleaf County, all lived like that. What’s so special about it?
A servant should just move according to their employer’s wishes.
To serve the young master, I try to coat my words with as much honey as possible without offending him.
Why think like that? I am different. I came to save you.
Just saying those sweet words would be enough. But my tongue moved on its own.
“…Yes. I came here to pick up whatever I can.”
It was almost an impulsive decision.
The man’s eyes looked empty, and I could see deep resignation mixed in that void, so sweet words like cotton candy didn’t come out.
It was truly a foolish choice.
What was I thinking, admitting that here? What was I trying to achieve by offending this young master?
I used to think that mixing emotions with work was something only fools did, but for a moment, I felt like one of those fools.
As expected, one of Cassian’s eyebrows raised elegantly. As if he had heard something displeasing.
Then he let out a small exclamation, “Ah,” and smiled mischievously.
“But it doesn’t seem that desperate, does it?”
Contrary to his sarcastic words, his tone was straight. It was enough to make one mistakenly think it was a simple question.
Of course, it couldn’t be. My throat tightened. In my life, not once had I ever not been desperate. Even at this moment, and every moment since coming here, I had to be desperate. Because that’s the only way to barely get by day by day.
To maintain life with my mother, even if only barely. Indeed, today’s strange behavior was unlike me. It must have seemed far from desperation.
Desperate people dig wells with their own hands and kneel before those who throw them prey. That’s the way of the world. In that sense, I had made a big mistake today.
Red eyes stared at me without a flicker, as if piercing through my bones. Even while sitting upright, his mere presence overwhelmed me. His head was high as if daring me to show my desperation. Before him, I began digging a well belatedly.
“There’s no one in this village who isn’t desperate.”
Cassian’s eyebrow twitched as if hearing something unexpected.
“That drop from Blanchet is a life-giving water for people like me, letting us live another day, no, even a month longer.”
“…”
“And of course, it’s the young master who holds the entrance to that life-giving water.”
“Why should I care about such circumstances?”
The cruel words were completely altered in meaning because they came from this young master’s mouth. Asking a terminally ill young master to understand someone else’s life was a harsh thing.
“You don’t need to care.”
“…”
“I just wanted to say that everyone is doing their best.”
An oppressive silence lingered in the space. I thought it might have been better to throw a few honeyed words instead. Expecting him to understand would be too much like expecting ‘sympathy’ from him. But looking closely, one corner of Cassian’s mouth had slightly lifted.
Is he finding this situation amusing?
A sharp voice that came out in an instant wiped away such thoughts.
“Do you think I’m asking about the desperation of the people in this village?”
“I’m one of those people too.”
“Ah, so I just need to use another desperate person then. Is that what you want?”
His sarcastic tone suffocated me.
Despite all the countless experiences I had, despite dealing with people much bigger than this young master, simple words from him suffocated me.
Was it because this man’s position was so high? No, I didn’t act this way before the nobles I had encountered before.
There were many tourists who visited here for sightseeing, and many of them were leisurely nobles, so it wasn’t uncommon to encounter them.
Most of them didn’t openly show displeasure in front of me. If they didn’t like something, they would just note it down and cut ties later.
But this man seemed to play with people as if enjoying that everything depended on his single finger. He was playing with me, holding my desperation in his pale hands.
Why did I tell the truth? I regret it now. I didn’t know it would feed this man’s arrogance. No, I knew it and still did it, which was foolish. Having said everything, it was absurd to feel such emotions now.
What could I do? It’s already done. Cleaning up the mess is the responsibility of the one who made it. Humiliating and insulting words lingered at my lips and were finally spat out.
“What do you want me to do?”
Cassian’s gaze, which had been staring at me, moved swiftly to the bookshelf. The movement of the flipping pages was unusually slow.
“Why? Do you really mean you’ll do anything?”
The young master’s leisurely finger gesture was languid. Reluctantly approaching the bedside, he grabbed my chin gently. His white, clear hand held an unexpected strength that was hard to believe from his pale appearance.
The red gaze slowly descended like the sun. It scanned my entire body. At a distance where even breathing could reach.
“You must really want to do a lot, with me. Alone in this room.”
His fingers slowly slid over my lips. I tried to pull back in surprise, but my frozen body wouldn’t move easily. My body trembled. I wasn’t foolish enough not to understand what this young master was saying.
In the lord’s mansion, women’s screams were occasionally heard, and the next day, the maids would disappear without a trace by the lady’s hand. This young master was an absolute existence. Countless thoughts raced through my mind.
Even in such a moment, the burning shame made my heart dirty. After an eternity-like moment scattered, Cassian finally let go of my face. After that, he didn’t even glance at me and continued turning the pages.
As if what happened just now was already erased from his memory. I could only stand there and watch him. Because that was my duty. Strangely enough, Cassian was now reading one book thoroughly, giving me no reason to move.
Time passed as I stood there blankly. In clear disregard. Cassian’s face, occasionally visible through the pages, was dry and expressionless. Shivering like the only one with strange thoughts was even more humiliating.
The poorly passing time was excruciating and distant. As I overcame my shame, unease slowly rose.
Am I going to be kicked out now?
Even now, I hesitated whether I should say something. Hoping that maybe I could change the young master’s mind. Hoping that a single mistake could be made up for. Wondering if I should beg for forgiveness. Or explain my circumstances in detail.
Meaningless time flowed endlessly. Every moment standing in contemplation tightened my breath. The thought that everything was my fault surged like an unrelenting wave. The lazy face seen beyond the pages was infuriating.
This unclosing distance seemed to strictly explain the positions of Cassian and me. Simultaneously, it felt like a stern warning not to forget my place. Gradually, shame turned into humiliation, and it was enough time to objectively recognize my situation.
Ah, now I understand. From the beginning, he had no intention of accepting me. This proud young master just needed today’s toy to play with. It’s ridiculous to think that I even tried to show my sincerity for a moment.
Realizing this, the torturous time ended.
A knock echoed, and the butler who came to get me glanced around. He looked somewhat surprised. It seemed he thought I lasted quite a while. As I heard from Mary before coming here, it seemed understandable.
Others didn’t last even an hour before leaving this place. So I had hoped. Though it may be meaningless now. Seeing his master, the butler seemed to have reached the same conclusion and hardened his face.
It seemed the young master was indeed very angry, even though it was hard to tell from his rigid appearance.
But what did it matter? I wouldn’t see him again. No one would be so foolish as not to understand why I was kept standing without a word. The butler’s gaze became sharp in an instant.
His eyes made it seem like I had done something terribly wrong.
“Young master, it’s time for you to sleep.”
At Cassian’s slight gesture, the butler quickly led me outside. As if a foreign substance like me should disappear from his sight quickly. The brisk steps only stopped after turning past the distant second hallway. Turning back, his face was full of sighs.
His furrowed brows were no different from when he brought me here. I understood. He must be annoyed to find another new person, given that he had little hope for me.
Knowing the problem lay with his master, he handed me an envelope without a word.
“It’s a day’s wage. The exit is over there.”
His heavy tone pointed out the nearest door. There were no more plausible questions about mistakes or the young master’s expression. It was just another day in this mansion
***
Should I be relieved it ended like this? Thinking about tomorrow’s living expenses, it was a pity that I only got one day’s wage. But not feeling desperate to cling to him was relief in its own way.
“…”
The thick envelope was unexpectedly heavy. It didn’t feel like just one day’s wage. It must be because of the meager coins I usually received.
What should I do? The thought of begging Cassian for another chance crossed my mind.
The moment I realized the envelope’s weight, my steps stopped. I turned around hesitantly. If I apologized to the young master, if I showed more sincerity, he might forgive me.
I could even kneel and cry for another chance. But before such futile thoughts could turn into actions.
“You did well.”
A firm hand was placed on my shoulder. It was the maid who had talked to me at the entrance, Mary. The faint smile she showed me when I was nervous was now twisted like a lie.
“I was hoping you’d last at least three days. Guess it couldn’t be helped.”
“…”
“Well, I hope things go well for you.”
Nodding absentmindedly, I accepted her good intentions without knowing what to say. I knew this was the last greeting. All hope had already been burned away. But her words were unexpectedly comforting. And even though I found solace in her kindness, I couldn’t ignore the burning shame.
My steps hesitated, my lips parted in half-hearted protests, but in the end, nothing came out. And that was it.
I didn’t even get to see Cassian’s expression clearly. It was an awkward ending, but all things end like this. The maid’s back disappearing through the door seemed clearer than anything else.
What awaited outside was the scorching sun. It was as if the last few hours had been just a dream.
But life went on, and I was still standing.
***
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed what you have read, do consider tipping me a little through: click here. An advanced chapter will be posted as a thank you once I receive 6$. Don’t forget to mention the series that you’re supporting!
