Episode 18
“I’ll be out for a while. Stay here.”
“Where are you going?”
“Curious?”
“No. I’m not that curious. While you’re out, don’t bother coming back.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure to come back.”
She smiled as if amused, grabbed her weapon, and went outside. I stared at the door she had left through before finally turning my head away.
‘She’s probably just going to the infirmary.’
It seemed she was going to get some medicine to treat the injuries I had come back with this time. She seemed to always be concerned about the dwindling supply of medicine, but when she finally used it all up, she had gone to get more.
Injuries like these didn’t really need treatment. However, I accepted it because I liked the way her hands felt on me when she treated me. It felt nice to have someone worry about me. When I was with the others, I couldn’t show any signs of being hurt since I had to take care of them being the older one. But I could show myself as I was in front of her. And even when I did, she didn’t leave; she took care of me.
On that note, who the hell was she? I had never seen her during my previous regressions, so how did I meet her this time? Moreover, she seemed to know me somehow. No, she openly revealed that she knew me. When I asked if she knew me, she said she did, but when I asked how, she never answered. She just laughed awkwardly and tried to change the subject. I didn’t like the sight of her looking like that, so I stopped bringing up topics related to her afterwards.
And then, she seemed to know a lot about the mutant zombies and was quite good at fighting. I wondered where she learned all this.
“…I can ask later.”
I thought I’d ask when she came back later and leaned against the wall, soon closing my eyes.
***
“Ah…”
I must have fallen asleep. Outside the window, darkness had already fallen.
‘But… why isn’t she here?’
The infirmary wasn’t that far from here. I thought she would be back within an hour at most, but she still hadn’t returned. When I looked at the clock, I realized it had been two hours since she left. It was too late for her not to have come back.
Why? Was it because I told her not to come back? But she said she would definitely come back… I grabbed my weapon and went outside, fearing she might have left me behind.
The corridor was shrouded in darkness, making it difficult to see even an inch ahead. I took out a lighter from my pocket and lit up the path ahead. Relying on the dim and small flame to look for her, I wandered until I eventually found her. She was a mess — without a single spot unharmed, struggling to breathe as she slumped on the floor.
“I always wonder how you manage to find me so well.”
She chuckled quietly as if finding something funny and muttered words that made no sense.
“You didn’t put a tracking device on me, did you? Now that I think about it, my condition has almost never been good whenever you find me.”
“What on earth are you talking about? And why do you look like that?”
“Take this.”
However, instead of answering my question, she handed me something. Checking her condition was more important than this right now, but she showed no sign of backing down, forcing it into my hand. Then she pushed me towards the door.
“Go back.”
“What?”
“Go back.”
It sounded like she was telling me to go back alone, so I grabbed her wrist and asked her to go back together.
“No, you go alone. I can’t go with you anymore.”
“What?”
“I won’t be able to treat you if you get hurt now, so don’t act recklessly.”
“Why… why? Why are you suddenly acting like this?”
I couldn’t understand why she was pushing me away now. Why?
Overcome with emotion at the thought of her abandoning me, I grabbed her and shouted, asking why she was doing this. In response, she winced as if in pain for a moment, then her eyes widened in surprise before she blocked my mouth.
“Shh! Hurry up and go back. It’s dangerous, so get as far away from here as possible. Hurry!”
Dangerous? What the hell?
But this thought didn’t last long. As I tried to stop her from forcibly pushing me away, I froze at the sight of the creature that appeared behind her.
“Damn it… it came quickly.”
She cursed under her breath, then pushed me out the opened door and slammed it shut. After a moment of shock at the creature’s appearance, I regained my senses and desperately pounded on the door, shouting for her to open it, but there was no answer.
It was definitely that creature. The fact that the corridor was empty, with no ordinary zombies coming despite the loud commotion, made it clear. A mutant zombie, and a very strong one at that.
As this thought crossed my mind, I hastily raised the weapon in my hand and struck the doorknob. After swinging the weapon again and again, the doorknob was completely smashed, and I could open the door and go out.
“… ”
There, I saw her lying on the floor in a pitiful state. It was already too late for me to do anything. The woman who had just been talking to me was lying on the cold floor, bleeding. Her hair, which had been neatly tied back, was now loose and disheveled. Her eyes, which had once smiled at me with the corners turned up, were now open and unfocused, staring into the void. Something had ripped the back of her throat where her voice that called out to me from. I could not hear her anymore. I could no longer find the woman I knew. In the brief moment I had panicked to open the door, she had left my side. And the creature that had done this to her was gone too, as if it had become satisfied by killing her.
At that moment, the reality of losing her, the agony, and the anger towards the creature made my mind go blank.
“Kh… ugh…”
“…”
As I was in agony, she, who had been lying there, began to move slightly. I felt a glimmer of hope that she might still be alive, but it was quickly extinguished. No, it was crushed.
“Kuuugh! Kyaak!”
“No… please…”
She was dead. Dead…. It would have been better if she had just died.
I grit my teeth as I watched her slowly rise while staggering. It was too painful. My heart ached so much that I wanted to rip it out. To think I had to kill her with my own hands….
I looked at her with trembling eyes. Then, I forced my unmoving arm to move and raised my weapon high.
“I’m sorry.”
***
I shouldn’t have let her go alone. I should have gone with her. I regretted it so much. I never thought I would lose her like this. So soon and so meaninglessly. I sat down next to her corpse, which was so miserable I couldn’t look at her anymore, and bowed my head. There were so many things I wanted to say to her. But I could not do them now.
“You were supposed to go to the infirmary and come back…. So why were you here? You should have come back. Why were you like this here?”
She said she would make sure to come back…. In the end, she didn’t come back until I went looking for her, and then she left right before my eyes.
What happened before I got here that left her in such a state? Why did she sacrifice herself to save me until the very end?
“Ha, damn it…”
Come to think of it, I still didn’t know her name. I just called her by using ‘you,’ ‘over there,’ ‘that way,’ without properly introducing myself or asking her anything. I treated her so coldly without showing any interest…. And she sacrificed herself for someone like me….
In the end, I couldn’t hold back the emotions rising from the depths of my heart and poured them out. I closed my eyes with regret that if I had known it would be like this, I would have at least asked her name — I should’ve treated her a little more warmly.
***
“Where are you? Where are you?”
I had definitely come to the same place on the same day as last time. I stood on the bridge connecting the main building and the new building and looked across in anticipation, hoping to meet her as I had then.
But she didn’t come. It was exactly the same as that time. I’m here. I’m here, I thought. Why aren’t you coming? I sat in the corridor, anxiously calling out to her in my heart as the sun set and darkness fell, but she didn’t come. When only the zombies appeared instead of her, I grew angry.
‘Did she abandon me? Because I acted mean? Because I didn’t listen to what she said?’
Even when she said to take care of my body because I might die, I deliberately fought roughly to get injured because I liked the way she treated me. That way, I could feel her touch a little more.
From now on, I’ll listen well to what you say, and I won’t do what you tell me not to, so please come back.
But she didn’t come until the night passed and the sun rose. Unable to hold back the tears that burst out from the thought of being abandoned, I cried like a child. It was then.
“Hey, what are you doing over there?”
I heard the voice I had been waiting for. I quickly raised my head and looked towards the sound, and there she was, the girl from my memories, standing there. Afraid that she might leave me again, I ran to her and hugged her tightly.
“W-What the hell are you doing?”
“I missed you. I really missed you.”
“What are you talking about? First, let go of this…”
“Why did you come only now? I was waiting for you. I’ve been waiting. I was so scared that you might throw me away.”
She struggled to get out of my embrace, but the more she did, the harder I hugged her, not letting her get away. I wouldn’t let her go ever again.
Do-yoon, you made me cry wtf
