‘Did you force me to meet you because I said I would not meet my dad?’
Vincent bit his lip.
‘Really… annoying! It’s crazy. I can’t predict what he’ll do.’
To Vincent, Isley was incomprehensible. Ordinary commoners act cautiously so as not to offend the nobility. No matter how kind the nobleman in front of me is, I can’t help but feel nervous.
Isley used to treat Vincent like someone who didn’t feel that way. He even slapped him on the head, or pinch his cheek. He even grabbed his back and carried him around as if he were a cat.
Vincent was irritated by the fact that he was smiling like a good person, but he couldn’t understand what he was saying. But he didn’t just hate it. Those aspects sometimes made me feel likable. But today I am really angry.
“… Mr. Isley called me, Vincent. Why are you here?”
That anger disappeared like snow melted the moment he made eye contact with the Count.
‘… How old is it that I can talk to you while making eye contact like this?’
It had been a long time since Vincent had been confronted with his father like this. Vincent felt his heart pounding and anxious at the same time. Because he was worried that the Count would resent him or give him a disgusted look. Such feelings soon became apparent. Vincent broke out in a cold sweat. He wished that the boy hadn’t noticed that his dad had his hands trembling.
“There seems to be some misunderstanding. I’m just… ”
The Count smiled awkwardly and tried to walk away, this is the back view, The back face that Vincent had always seen, the resentful sight reappeared.
It shook Vincent’s heart.
“… Are you avoiding me again?”
The moment Vincent had said those words without realizing it, he realized he had fallen for Isley’s plan. The fact that I may inadvertently ask my father why he avoids me if he goes on like this. Vincent tried to cover his mouth with his hand.
‘No… Don’t say. I don’t want to hear that Dad resents me.’
However, the mouth did not follow the master’s will and began to move arbitrarily.
“… Do you hate me?”
The Count looked back. A look of embarrassment was evident on his face.
“… What do you mean?”
“So why are you avoiding me? Because I killed my mother?”
“What?”
“Dad has changed since mom left. You just avoid me and don’t smile like you used to. When you look at me, you only make a sad face… So I kept getting into accidents. Then father will come to chastise me… Just look at me for a little bit!”
“……”
“Why don’t you come to me now? Do you hate to see me who killed my mother? Is that so? Am I resentful? Do you think I’m a killer? Do you think you want me to die?”
“What… Were you thinking like that?”
The Count’s face contorted in agony. He knelt before his son with a face about to cry. The Count asked, pathetic, holding Vincent’s hands.
“Did you think it was your fault that Elba died?”
“Because it’s my fault! If I had noticed sooner that mother fell into the lake that day, I might have saved mother. If I hadn’t hurt my leg, mom might not have gone to that lake…”
“Vincent… No, no. It was just an accident. It was unavoidable. What could a child like you do there? If I resent someone, I will only resent myself for not being with you that day, and the sky for taking Elba like that.”
“……”
“I never hated you, Vincent. I never thought that you killed Elba. Really.”
“Liar. I hate you…!”
“I’m not lying…”
The Count shook his head. His eyes had turned red.
“How would I? What parent would hate their child? How can an adult cowardly blame a child?”
The Count hugged Vincent tightly.
“… So you don’t hate me?”
“Yeah.”
As if the action was the trigger, tears began to form in Vincent’s eyes. The child wept and hugged his father’s back. Tears ran down the line of his face and wet the count’s shoulders.
“Then why did you avoid me?”
“I, I just… I was sad.”
“You were sad…?”
“Yeah… Vincent, whenever I see you, I keep thinking of Elba. Every time I see the blonde hair and green eyes that look like your mother, it hurts my heart. I’ve been acting selfishly without considering your heart just because my heart aches. I have hurt you with my selfishness and foolishness.”
“Ugh….”
“I’m sorry…. I was all wrong.”
Said the Count in a trembling voice.
“I love you. I love you more than anything else in this world.”
He gave more strength to the hand that was holding his son.
“I will never avoid you again… I promise, Will you please forgive me?”
Vincent sobbed and nodded.
“I forgive you…”
The two were so preoccupied with each other that they did not notice that there was someone watching them at the end of the hallway.
The person hiding in the shadows was Isley. He leaned against the wall and smiled.
‘I knew it was going to be like this.’
Isley thought that if the Count had an opportunity to meet his son, their relationship could change for the better. Because the Count loved his son. Occasionally the Count looked into Vincent’s eyes. That parental love. So Isley planned this meeting.
Luckily, he was right. See, now, don’t the two clear up their misunderstandings and show that they care for each other? It was a very beautiful sight. Obviously, it will be a sight that makes the viewer happy. Isley felt happy, but at the same time very painful. His smile was distorted in the form of sadness.
Isley realized. He realized that everything he thought was the same as Vincent was a mistake. Yes, it was different.
We can’t be the same. I was not loved by my mother, how could he think that he was in the same situation as Vincent, who was so loved by his father? How dare you. Isley began to hate Vincent, hate, I hate it and I think I’m going to die.
I’d rather ignore it, don’t bother.
Even if the relationship between the two of them deteriorates, don’t even look at me. I’ll just do my thing.
He was jealous of Vincent. He was regretting helping Vincent.
And that feeling reminded Isley of a scene from the past.
Was it when I was nine or when I was ten?
I can’t know exactly. Around that age, Isley had gone to play at his friend’s mansion.
I can’t remember the child’s face properly. It is not known whether it was a woman or a man. I can’t remember my friend’s face. What kind of clothes did he wear, what was the scenery of the mansion and what was the weather… It doesn’t come to mind at all. With such a subject, that day, the scene of a friend and his mother’s kindness towards each other remained vivid in my mind. They laugh and talk, hold hands and kiss on the cheek. I was so envious of that figure, and I was so envious that I could not bear my jealousy. So Isley got angry over trivial things, quarreled, and ended up running to his friend and punching him. The two rolled around and started arguing. Worse still, it was his friend who had to cry because he was hurt, but Isley was the first to cry.
You are poorer than me! You’re uglier than me! You are weaker than me! You have a bad head too! You don’t even have many friends! You don’t even try to be loved!
But why is someone like you loved by your mother?
You are inferior to me in everything.
What I can’t get even if I try to die. You’re loved just because you were born, just because you’re a child? That’s unfair.
Dirty inferiority complex. Jealousy… Feelings so filthy that it’s hard to swallow.
I’m glad I didn’t put it out of my mouth.
On that day, Isley, who was confronted with his true self, received a huge septum. He thought that in this state he would never be able to hang out with anyone again. Who can laugh and chat with such an ugly human? Isley realized that every time he got close to someone he had to face a hell like this. After that, he lived with no one to hang out with. Isley was a loner. One day, Layla suddenly appeared and was the only person in his life who could be called a friend.
‘… Friends It doesn’t matter what I think of the child. Layla probably wouldn’t think of me that way. To her, I’m just an annoying and scary person.’
At that time, Isley felt someone in front of him. While he was distracted elsewhere, Vincent came to visit him.
“Isley.”
Isley was in a place where the moonlight didn’t reach him properly. Because the shadows were darker than other places, only the outline of the person was revealed, but the face of the other person could not be seen properly.
The child said in a slightly hoarse voice.
“Did you see me here?”
Isley swallowed in surprise and asked.
“How did you know?”
“While talking to my dad, I found you watching us from afar.”
“… I see.”
“Do you know what I have come to say?”
“What?”
“I came here to get angry! Why are you being so selfish? Who asked you to do this! Really annoying….”
“Sorry… ”
“Still… Today was helpful.”
Vincent mumbled embarrassedly, then said it out loud.
“Hold yourself down for a second.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
Isley shrugged and shrugged.
“More!”
When he lowered himself enough to make eye contact, Vincent wrapped his arms around Isley’s head. Isley was so startled that his body trembled. Who would have known that a terribly angry child would do such a thing? Isley hesitated, not knowing what to do, and then carefully embraced Vincent with both hands.
‘It’s the first time I’ve held a child.’
The first impression he felt was ‘small’. I already knew that the master I was teaching was small, but when I hugged him, that fact came closer to me, small and slender, fragile, and powerless. If you hug him tight, it seems like it will break. And his second impression was ‘warm’. As if holding a bag full of warm water, the existence of a child was soft and hot.
Weak, warm, and soft. It makes you feel weird.
Vincent paused for a while, then whispered a small whisper in Isley’s ear.
“Thanks. Isley.”
Called.
Hearing this, Isli wanted to cry.
“… Yeah.”
Because he couldn’t stop his self-hatred. How the heck could a man, a non-beast man, how stupid, stupid, and ugly be able to hate a child who thanked him with such naivety? Can you hate such a young, weak, warm child? How could you not be able to rejoice in the happiness of such a child? He is still jealous of Vincent, even though he sees himself as terrifying. Thinking about how wonderful it would be if I had a relationship like that with my mother. So Isley really wanted to cry. But he didn’t want to be seen crying in front of others. He held back his tears and patted the child on the back. Isley wanted to see Layla. It was because, looking at her face, it seemed that he could forget the current situation and all the ugly emotions he felt.
Then Vincent pushed Isley on the shoulder. Pushed by that weak force, and released Isley hand. The child, perhaps ashamed of his actions, dyed his face red and ran away in a flash. The Count was waiting in the hallway. The rich man takes his hand and disappears into the darkness. Isley looked at the two and smiled bitterly.
Sigh… it is really complicated.
Isley is an orphan with living parents 😿