Married to a Man who Wants to Kill me

Nothing has changed

Ian woke up feeling something touching his collar. An outsider broke in.

Could it be an assassin sent by Duke Bledel? With his parents gone and the pressure of knowing he could die at any moment, eating and sleeping was not always easy.

Under the current circumstances, Duke Bledel could not have made such an unreasonable move, but the sense of unease ingrained in his body had gnawed at him for years.

He quickly grabbed his sword, which he kept close at hand even when he slept. There was no time to check who the opponent was. He pointed the blade at his opponent’s heart, as he had practiced, but the moment he swung it, he felt a strange sensation.

Ian recognized the familiar silhouette, but it was too late.

“Ah…”

Lethenia’s short groan sent a shiver down his spine. He couldn’t believe it. He almost killed her with his own hands. Could it be that his nightmare hadn’t ended yet?

He forgot to put on his now all-too-familiar mask-like expression. He hurriedly tucked Lethenia into bed and went to find the healing stone.

It didn’t matter that it was a magical artifact taboo in Asha. He took out the secret chamber key that he had never shown anyone without hesitation.

All Ian could think about was the need to heal Lethenia quickly. He had a strange premonition that if she died, he wouldn’t be able to live either. He shuddered at the absurdity of the thought.

***

“I found my daughter.”

Ian’s eyes changed as soon as he heard Count Bedos. He asked back to the count.

“Are you sure?”

“I have completed all the necessary confirmations.”

Count Bedos then asked him to take his daughter as his concubine. The issue of concubines had long been a topic discussed among the nobles.

The relationship between the Empress and concubines had always been a tenuous one in Asha. The Empress and the concubine stood on opposite sides, tearing apart the delicate balance of power, with the Emperor caught in the middle.

At first glance, it seemed like a rivalry over lineage, but upon closer inspection, it was a fierce struggle for power. Just as her mother, the Empress, and Vanessa, her father’s concubine, had been.

Duke Bledel and Count Bedos, who were practically enemies, had always been aligned in their intentions. Finding a woman whose family could stand up to the Bledels has proven difficult.

But after years of searching, the opportunity has come. People’s resentment of the Bledel family has reached a fever pitch, and his daughter is not favored. The Duke’s recent and seemingly serious illness has subtly shifted the balance of power.

Cracks have begun to appear in the once-impenetrable walls of Bledel. And the return of Count Bedos’s long-lost daughter seemed like a natural progression.

“Let’s do it.”

Ian granted his request. A victorious smile lingered on Count Bedos’s lips. It implicitly meant that Rosetin could become the Empress.

For the Lady of Bedos, becoming an Empress would benefit her future in many ways. Count Bedos’s attacks on the Empress would become even more ferocious the moment Rosetine became a concubine.

He spoke to Count Bedos in a determined tone.

“You may kill and destroy everyone associated with Bledel as you wish. But…….”

“…….”

“I cannot allow you to kill the Empress. We’ll settle for banishing her from Asha after her abdication.”

Count Bedos’s smile twisted subtly. The Emperor looked at him with eyes that would not back down.

His will was firm enough to turn Count Bedos into an enemy the moment he objected. The Count realized that there would be no compromise on those terms.

If he didn’t accept it, everything would be for naught. It seemed like some semblance of sympathy had emerged at this point. The Count snorted inwardly, but he knew there would be other opportunities.

He quickly composed himself and gave the Emperor the answer he wanted.

“I will keep that in mind.”

Ian planned to get Lethenia to safety one day, where she would live out the rest of her days in a land no one knew, under a new identity.

It was the ending he’d always envisioned. It was the best he could do. Lethenia, the daughter of Duke Bledel, could never be tied to him.

He tried to accept everything calmly. However, since the departure of the Count, a suffocating feeling, as if one side of his chest was tightly blocked, has not disappeared.

Ian sighed deeply without even realizing it.

“Her Majesty the Empress is taking a stroll in the courtyard.”

The observant chamberlain whispered to Ian. Ian had been feeling confused about Lethenia for some time now.

All his life, he had thought that feelings were unimportant; he had been taught that it was the quality of an emperor to think rationally and act coldly.

However, even though it was only for a brief moment, Lethenia’s sudden death seemed to paralyze his rational thinking. Just as he had changed, Lethenia seemed to have changed.

From the day she woke up, he had sensed that something was wrong.

Then he realized that she was deliberately avoiding him, and that she was quite uncomfortable talking to him.

As if possessed by something, Ian went out to check on Lethenia. Even though he knew she had healed without a scratch, he felt a great sense of shame that he had stabbed her.

He saw her walking in the distance. Their eyes met for a moment but she pretended not to notice and tried to head the other way. He felt an indescribable feeling. If Lethenia had made up her mind about him, he should be happy for her.

<I don’t mind if you’re in love with another woman, I really don’t.>

The words disturbed Ian. He’d felt similarly when he’d heard the rumors about the Empress taking a lover, but he knew he was not qualified to offer her any sincerity.

On impulse, he asked Lethenia to walk with him, though he couldn’t understand why he did that.

She thanked him for healing her with the healing stone. Was that something to be grateful for? He was the one who stabbed her.

“You seem to be having a lot of nightmares.”

Siana. He hadn’t heard that name since they drifted apart, or more accurately, since he deliberately kept Lethenia away from him. 

Ever since she was left alone in the vast palace, he had chosen to ignore her completely, convincing himself that it was all Duke Bledel’s fault, even though he knew how cowardly that was.

Until that horrible day when Lethenia lay like a corpse.

“……Siana.”

He didn’t know what to say to Lethenia when he heard the name; he knew it would hurt her to say anything about it.

He remembered the cold words he had spoken to her so long ago.

<Kaire.>

<Don’t ever call me that again.>

Why should I do that?>

<You’re past that age now. You should grow up and grow out of your immaturity. It’s what everyone wants.>

<But when it’s just the two of us…….>

<Lethenia, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you trying to define our relationship with such a meaningless nickname.>

That was the day the chamberlain, the only witness to the Emperor’s mysterious death, was killed in an accident. No, not an accident. He was murdered.

He had secretly escorted the chamberlain away, hiding him from Duke Bledel’s eyes, but eventually, they were discovered. It felt like even the last glimmer of hope had vanished.

Above the innocent Lethenia’s appearance, Duke Bledel’s wicked voice kept echoing.

<Why do you want to give your life to a losing fight? There is a time for everything. I’m afraid your Majesty still has some uses for me.>

Ian knew he was doomed to a miserable death the moment an heir with Bledel’s blood was born.

He’d sworn on the cold corpses of his parents that he would survive and put everything back in its proper place. Therefore, he thought hurting Lethenia was inevitable.

Her father had killed his parents, and he would have to kill hers.

Any glimmer of hope would be a cruel torture for them both. He wanted to erase all the beautiful things that remained between them.

But then, as if under some strange curse, all of the cold-hearted things he had done to Lethenia began to come back to haunt him. The more time passed, the harder it was to treat her the same way.

<Since I already heard it, there’s nothing I can do, but you don’t have to worry about me going somewhere and talking about it. After all, I don’t even know who that person is…>

The words took Ian’s breath away for a moment. He recalled the suspicious words of the physician suggesting that there might be a problem with Lethenia’s memories.

He held her beautiful eyes for a moment longer, wondering if she resented him so much that she preferred to forget everything. In truth, he couldn’t shake off the bitter thought that he had lost Lethenia forever that day.

He reminded himself of one fact. Lethenia had forgotten her memories of him.

<That’s a relief.>

<What?>

<Because you don’t know her.>

It was probably for the better, since he couldn’t give her what she wanted. Yes, nothing had changed.

What’s shaking him now will settle down in time. He comforted himself. But in the back of his mind, a sneering voice mocked him for it.

You made Siana like this. You’ve been punished.

***

“It is said that Count Bedos found his lost daughter.”

I nearly dropped the teacup I was holding at Stella’s unexpected words. Count Bedos only as one daughter.

The heroine, Rosetin. A little dazed, I turned to Stella again.

“What do you mean?”

“You know that Count Bedos’ only blood daughter disappeared as a child, and when he searched for her for many years, he spent a lot of fortune looking for her but there was no trace, but not long ago she came to him on her own, saying that she had a head injury and she gained her childhood memory only recently.”

“…….”

“She’s been back for a while now, but they kept it a closely guarded secret until the paternity test was done, and now that word is finally getting out, it looks like she is indeed the child they lost all those years ago.”

There was still nearly a year to go before Rosetine would show up. I felt my mind go blank for a moment at the unexpectedness of the situation.

There was a darkness in Stella’s eyes, and she spoke in a somewhat heavy tone, as if Rosetin’s arrival was not welcome.

“From what I’ve heard, she’s a stunning beauty, a rarity even in Asha, and everyone has been asking about her. Perhaps Count and Countess Bedos will bring her to the Empress’s birthday banquet this year.”


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Comment

  1. Arah says:

    My heart break every chapter. I hope Lethenia finds happiness.
    Thank you for the translation!

  2. Man. Now I REALLY wanna know Ian’s internal feelings in the past life when he was with Rosetine and watched his wife die. Although he probably soothed it over when whatever cloud of smoke happened like “ah this is my punishment” stfu no you don’t get to remedy your past actions on her with the sweet relief of death.

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