Liu Zhuang Xian

In the scorching sun, travelers and patrons were sipping tea while watching a fifteen or sixteen-year-old boy with a gloomy face, clinging to the post of the tea shed, refusing to let go.

Even two female guests resting nearby couldn’t help but feel pity, for the boy was fair-skinned, handsome, and adorable. Just moments ago, he was cheerfully asking them for sugar pills, his small canine teeth peeking out as he spoke, his eyes sparkling with life as he sweet-talked them into giving him an entire bag of sugar pills.

But now, tears were hanging on his eyelashes, looking pitiful as if he would never return from the desolate winds.

“Oh my! My little junior brother! The Sword Master Yang Cang is about to face a calamity, what if it leads to demonic possession? What if evil spirits take advantage of him? You go up there and keep an eye on him for me!”

A middle-aged man wearing a hat that obscured his face was trying to pry the boy’s arms away from the post.

“I won’t go! I won’t go! That cursed place is barren! Cold and desolate! No crickets! No birds chirping! I’d suffocate from boredom!”

“Isn’t that perfect for cultivating a pure heart and spirit?” the man coaxed.

“I don’t want to cultivate! I’m fine as I am!”

“Come on, just do it for me for three days! I’ll come to get you down after three days!”

“Not even for an hour!”

“Junior brother, be good! Everyone wants to go to the Sword Intent Pavilion to study. Don’t you want to see it?”

“I don’t want to! Didn’t you say that place forbids emotions and desires? He has never left the realm of Wuyi Jingtian; he doesn’t know what’s tasty! What’s fun! What’s beautiful! He has no emotions—no desires! How could any evil spirit possess him? Stop worrying needlessly!”

“Don’t you like looking at beauties? Sword Master Yang Cang has cultivated for over two thousand years; his spiritual energy is extraordinary, and surely his appearance is peerless in this world.”

“So what if he’s peerless? Can I touch him? Can I kiss him? It would be a great disrespect just to look up at him! I won’t go!”

The boy shook his head vigorously, adamant about not going.

Little did he know, the person coaxing him revealed his true face, and in a fit of determination, summoned the spirit beast Jiu Yao, which lifted the entire tea shed into the sky.

Three days later, the boy stood in front of the Wuyi Sword Sea, screaming his lungs out. “Senior brother! Come and take me home! Wasn’t it agreed to be just three days? There’s nothing here! No food, no drink! I’m dying!”

Another three days passed, and he stood in the same spot, cursing loudly. “If you have the guts, never see me again in your life! Otherwise, I swear I’ll burn your thatched cottage, topple your alchemy furnace, and extinguish your roasting furnace!”

Three more days went by, and he looked blankly at the Sword Sea shrouded in mist but actually churning with sword energy, pitifully saying. “Senior brother… if you don’t come to take me home, I’ll jump down…then my spirit and form will both be destroyed… see how you’ll explain to our ancestor then!”

“Is it really so bad here?”

A voice that seemed to freeze the entire Sword Sea rang out.

The boy gasped in shock, not daring to turn around. He hiccuped and stumbled, about to fall over when his collar was suddenly grabbed from behind. In the next moment, he was pulled into an embrace.

Looking up, he met a pair of eyes.

In the frosty ink-colored sea of glass filled with desire.

His clothes were dragged by the strong wind, making a whistling sound.

The man who tightened his grip on the boy lowered his head to look at him. His face showed no expression but carried an enticing meaning, extremely forceful.

The boy felt as if his end was near; for some inexplicable reason, his lower back hurt terribly!

His soul suddenly plummeted from the clouds like a meteor falling to earth, landing inside a clay statue in a temple of an Immortal Lord.

The little beggar inside the clay statue trembled violently and woke up from his dream. Opening his eyes to complete darkness, he groped around and grabbed handfuls of straw.

This little beggar was Lu Xiaochan.

This was not the first time Lu Xiaochan had such a dream. In it, he became a young boy sent somewhere to meet a formidable figure likely from the Xuanmen Sword Sect’s immortals.

This immortal’s spiritual light overflowed; although Lu Xiaochan could never remember his face, he was always certain it was a visage that would make mountains and rivers pale in comparison.

“Mother,” he thought as he reached to touch his waist where the high person had gripped him in the dream. It felt so real that Lu Xiaochan wanted to check,

“Dear mother! I must have been muddled in sleep! I’m inside the belly of an Immortal Lord’s clay statue!”

Lu Xiaochan wiped his face; the incense smell in the Medical Lord’s temple was still so strong! It could even smother his dreams!

However, the thoughts and feelings of the boy in the dream felt to Lu Xiaochan like his own past experiences.

But it seemed not to be a pleasant dream, waking up was actually a good thing!

“Even a dream is incomplete. If it were a whole story, I could tell it at the teahouse and earn some small change!” Lu Xiaochan sighed with regret.

On the fifth day of August, the Medical Lord’s temple in Lushu would be bustling with incense offerings, and the visitors praying for blessings were endless.

This tradition, which started from an unknown time, saw Medical Lord’s temples mostly built by villagers or kind-hearted people for accumulating blessings. They were not like the Buddhist temples with enlightened monks in residence, nor like those Taoist temples with countless disciples in secluded valleys, and even less comparable to the Xuanmen Sword Sect known for exorcising evil spirits. Yet, these Medical Lord’s temples could be found everywhere.

Among them, this one was said to be the most efficacious.

Most of those who came to offer incense were ordinary folks, offering cheap incense that cost one coin for nine sticks.

The scent of this incense was pungent, enough to make one’s nose run and eyes tear up, hardly seeming like an offering to deities but more like mourning at a funeral.

Staying in the temple for a moment, even bathing in fine fragrances couldn’t cover up that pervasive smell of incense.

The statue of the Medical Lord was also made of clay, hollow in the middle and stuffed full of straw.

Logically speaking, aren’t clay statues supposed to be fragile even when crossing a river?

Moreover, being hollow meant being heartless.

After countless bows and offerings of incense money, how could a heartless Medical Lord hear anyone’s prayers?

Therefore, Lu Xiaochan had no reverence for this statue of the Medical Lord. Starting from the first day of August, he nestled inside the hollow of the clay statue.

Actually, the foot of the Medical Lord’s statue had already cracked open. Lu Xiaochan hiding inside just needed to move aside some broken tiles and reach out to take away the offerings on the altar table.

Because the altar table was slightly higher than those offering incense, when they knelt down to worship, they couldn’t see Lu Xiaochan’s movements.

He had been blind since childhood, so his hearing was sharp. As soon as the worshippers below bowed down, he could hear them clearly and quickly took action, grabbing whatever he could from the altar table.

Lu Xiaochan withdrew his hand, holding what seemed to be some kind of pastry; its outer crust was crisp, and the inside was soft, smelling delicious.

He bit into it, and the delicate, soft red bean paste filled his mouth.

Sweet! Truly sweet!

Lu Xiaochan brought his hands together in prayer and sincerely thanked the Medical Lord.

“Thank you, Immortal Lord Liche, for providing me with a full meal!”

However, there was one major drawback to Immortal Lord Liche’s offering table—there was no meat!

Although it was enough to fill one’s stomach, it lacked any greasiness, which was a pity!

Lu Xiaochan sniffed the air; amidst the pungent and irritating smell, he detected a hint of the refreshing scent of purple leaf sandalwood.

It seemed that a wealthy family had come to offer incense!

The offerings were surely top-notch! Even if there was no meat, there might be vegetarian chicken or duck!

Lu Xiaochan’s mouth watered uncontrollably at the thought, and he kept swallowing saliva.

He pricked up his ears to listen to the commotion outside.

The newcomers were not modest; they even drove away the common folk who were in the temple!

“We came to offer incense to the Medical Lord as well. Why can your master worship but not us?”

Lu Xiaochan sniffed: You better not worship at all! With that incense smell of yours, the Medical Lord wouldn’t dare show himself! He would rather ride the clouds away to avoid you!

“My Madam’s status is not something you can compare with!”

He faintly heard the sound of swords being drawn.

Oh dear, oh dear, it must be some arrogant sword sect!

But around these parts of Lushu Mountain, there shouldn’t be any notable sects.

Most likely they came from afar, attracted by fame.

“This is Immortal Lord Liche’s temple! How dare you draw weapons in front of the Immortal Lord!”

The braver commoners still refused to leave.

“Right! Beware lest the Immortal Lord sends a plague upon you! To make you suffer from illness!”

That curse was fierce!

“You…”

Sure enough, those who had drawn their swords suddenly fell silent.

A gentle voice of a woman arose.

“Dear villagers, I have traveled from afar and truly have some private words I wish to speak with the Immortal Lord. Please grant me this convenience.”

Somehow, the villagers who had refused to leave just moments ago all retreated outside the temple.

Lu Xiaochan listened intently, guessing that this lady must have money to spare, allowing her subordinates to “distribute wealth.”

Having received benefits, these commoners naturally wanted to give face to the lady.

Lu Xiaochan disdainfully curled his lips, thinking: Just a bit of money and you’re all bought, all sincerity lost to greed. If I were Immortal Lord Liche, I wouldn’t bother curing your illnesses or relieving your pain!

“Ah Cai! Ah Xiang! What are you standing there for? Hurry up and clean the offering table, and present the offerings prepared by the Madam to the Medical Lord!”

This voice, accustomed to commanding others and carrying a hint of servility, likely belonged to a steward.

Lu Xiaochan licked his lips, leaning against the statue of the Medical Lord with his legs crossed, and thought: Come on, hurry up and present them to this Immortal Lord!

He heard the sound of servants opening food boxes and inhaled deeply—great! There was meat!

But then the lady scolded her servants angrily.

“This…this is Osmanthus Fresh Brewed Chicken! How could you bring it into the Medical Lord’s temple! Don’t you know that Medical Saint Liche is a compassionate Immortal Lord who cannot bear to see dead things!”

What? There really was meat!

Osmanthus Fresh Brewed Chicken sounded delicious!

If Immortal Lord Liche truly couldn’t bear to see dead things, then he would be wasting heaven’s gifts!

Not eating that Osmanthus Fresh Brewed Chicken would be an injustice to its death.

How could it enter the cycle of reincarnation?

Wouldn’t it become resentful and turn into an evil spirit?

Hehe!

“Hurry up and take it out!”

“Madam, please don’t worry! The sect leader meant well; he had the kitchen prepare Osmanthus Fresh Brewed Chicken for you to satisfy cravings on the road! Who knew this ignorant girl would bring it into the Immortal Lord’s temple?”

The madam who had been polite and gentle suddenly changed her demeanor.

Even Lu Xiaochan, blind as he was, could hear the jealousy in her voice.

“Good intentions? I think this is not the will of the sect leader, but that fox spirit! She just can’t wait for me to offend Immortal Lord Liche, to be fruitless for seven years, so that my husband can divorce me! Allowing her to take the position of the sect leader’s wife!”

“Ah! Madam! You can’t talk nonsense like that! If the sect leader hears this, he will get angry again!”

Lu Xiaochan laughed.

Even thinking with his stinky feet, he knew what the madam was seeking.

It must be that she married into a mysterious family sect, but couldn’t bear children. Her husband took a concubine, and the concubine shook the status of the main wife. So she came to the Medical Lord’s temple, hoping for the Medical Lord to manifest and cure her infertility.

Then you should also pray at the temple of the Matchmaker God or Guanyin, the Goddess of Mercy who brings children!

Praying to this heartless lump of mud is useless!

Just at this moment, Ah Cai exclaimed. “Oh no! The fresh osmanthus brewed chicken I just put there is gone!”

“What? How can it be gone!”

“It’s really gone!”

“Hurry up and search! What’s going on!”

Lu Xiaochan grinned, gnawing on a chicken leg while picking at the bones.

What else could it be? The fresh osmanthus brewed chicken you offered, I have enjoyed it on behalf of Immortal Lord Liche!

Finally got to eat meat!

Even if I die at this moment, I have no regrets!

Hahaha!

The sound of searching rose, and many jars on the offering table were overturned.

In just a few moments, Lu Xiaochan had devoured the chicken and wiped his hands on his clothes.

With all your rummaging in the Immortal Lord’s temple, is this coming to pray and offer incense? It looks more like coming to loot and plunder!

Not sure if it was because he ate too much today and was overly joyful, but a disciple who came with the madam discovered a greasy trail leading from the offering table to the feet of the clay statue.

He directly pushed open the loose mud brick with the hilt of his sword.

“Madam—this statue is hollow! There’s someone inside!”

Lu Xiaochan’s heart tightened, this was bad!

Before he could think further, the disciple had already moved behind the statue and grabbed Lu Xiaochan’s shoulder, dragging him out.

The hand that held Lu Xiaochan was extremely strong; he didn’t even touch the ground with his toes before being thrown into the air.

When he landed, he was face down.

His hands and feet were nearly broken, and the osmanthus chicken he had just eaten almost came back up.

“There are also his leftover chicken bones in the straw pile inside the statue!”

Bad luck! Truly bad luck!

Every August, he would hide inside this statue and enjoy good food and drink. He had been doing this for four or five years now, never expecting to be exposed today!

Lu Xiaochan hadn’t gotten up when a foot stepped hard on his back, pressing him down. His chin hit the ground, and his tongue was bitten by his teeth; tears almost burst from his eyes.

“You have some nerve—hiding in the Medical Lord’s statue, stealing chickens and touching dogs!” Ah Cai’s voice rose.

(t/n: 偷鸡摸狗 “stealing chickens and touching dogs”=sneaking around)

I did steal a chicken, but I’ve never touched a dog!

“I didn’t steal chickens or touch dogs!” Lu Xiaochan said grievously, “It’s just that the weather is too hot, so I was cooling off inside the Medical Lord’s statue.”

“What? You dirty and smelly beggar, dare to cool off inside the Medical Lord’s statue! This is a great disrespect to the Medical Lord!”

Ah Xiang realized that her madam was already fuming with rage. If they didn’t redirect her anger onto this beggar now, they would all suffer physical punishment after returning.

“Yes! And you even ate the osmanthus chicken!”

Lu Xiaochan said with a bitter face. “The chicken bones were found inside the Medical Lord’s statue by you all. That means it was eaten by the Medical Lord. How can you say it was eaten by me?”

Lu Xiaochan had made up his mind; at worst, they would break his arms and legs. He had been beaten many times before; this wouldn’t be much different.

Since he had a beggar’s fate, he would scrape by day by day. If he really couldn’t make it and got beaten to death, maybe in his next life he wouldn’t be a beggar but have a rich and noble life!

Someone approached Lu Xiaochan slowly, and he immediately recognized the increasingly intense scent of ink bamboo.

The spices, costing several taels of silver per qian, belonged to the madam.

Lu Xiaochan inwardly cursed “not good,” because although he was blind, he had a natural sense of danger.

The madam harbored considerable resentment and jealousy, which mingled into a thick intent to kill—it wouldn’t be settled by just a beating.

“So it’s a blind beggar! So lowly, yet daring to ruin my good fortune.”

“Madam…since he’s a blind beggar and also young, and we are in the Medical Lord’s temple, perhaps…”

The one pleading for mercy was the disciple who had dragged him out.

Lu Xiaochan’s face turned ashen, wishing he could spit on his face.

Don’t you know your madam’s temperament? It’s rare to be confused in this world, yet you had to earnestly find me out? If today is my day to die, your madam will be the first to owe a karmic debt, and you’ll bear at least a third of it!

“Since this little beggar said that the fresh osmanthus brewed chicken I brought in was taken by the Medical Lord, let’s verify that.”

The madam’s voice was chilling to the extreme, making Lu Xiaochan’s skin crawl.

“How…how do we verify?” the steward asked with a forced smile.

How else to verify? Are you really stupid or just pretending?

Lu Xiaochan sighed inwardly, guessing that this time he might really become a wronged ghost!

“How else to verify? Open up his stomach for me! Let’s see what’s inside!”

“Madam, please calm your anger! Since you came here seeking a child, you are seeking good karma! This blind little beggar hiding in the Immortal Lord’s statue might just be the Immortal Lord creating good karma for you!”

Finally, something sensible!

But it’s useless!

Your madam is cruel and vengeful. Unable to touch her husband’s concubine, she will surely take out all her anger on me!

“When did it become your place to lecture me? I said to open his stomach to see if there’s osmanthus chicken inside, and you will do just that!”

“If there’s no osmanthus chicken in my stomach?” Lu Xiaochan shouted.

Even at death’s door, he would struggle!

“Yes, madam…What if there’s no osmanthus chicken in this little beggar’s stomach? Let’s create some good karma and settle this matter nicely. If blood is spilled in the Medical Lord’s temple, it won’t reflect well on the sect leader’s reputation.” The old steward also quickly spoke up to persuade.

Damn it! Always bringing up the worst possible thing!

Lu Xiaochan, hearing this, felt as if his face was the color of death; today, he was certain to die.

“If there’s no osmanthus chicken in his stomach, I will naturally compensate well. Go buy a few osmanthus chickens and stuff them into his stomach! Then I won’t owe him anything!”

This madam, firstly resentful of the concubine stealing love, and secondly hating her husband for his fickle heart. Now that the steward brought up some damned sect leader, she would not kill Lu Xiaochan without first staining her husband with the bloodshed, making his reputation as foul as possible.

“Open up his stomach! Otherwise, I’ll open yours!”

The madam’s voice became even sharper, even carrying a hint of excitement.

The disciples around her who held swords and guarded her all lowered their heads and took a small step back.

The madam raised her hand, her nails painted like human blood, pointing at the disciple who had captured Lu Xiaochan and said, “An Huan! You do it!”

Lu Xiaochan curled his lips into a smile. An Huan, oh An Huan, who asked you to be so eager to show off without seeing what kind of person your madam is?

The killing karma you’ve incurred, even if you cultivate for another five hundred or a thousand years, you won’t be able to cleanse it!

An Huan gasped. His status in the sect was already low; if he didn’t fulfill the madam’s wishes this time, he feared he wouldn’t even make it back to see his master before losing his life.

“My apologies…”

Apologies? You’re after my life, and it’s not even a swift end with one stroke!

You want to open my chest and hook out my intestines; such cruelty! May you be cursed!