Limits of Paradise

Song Ki-seok and Ji Yong-jae’s reconciliation continued even as they changed locations. Instead of going to the more crowded Hajung-ri where people would notice them, they decided to go to Dasan-ri nearby for a meal together.

“Oh, let’s take a look at this garden.”

The parents stopped in front of the charming garden of a traditional Korean restaurant. Tae-eun greeted the quiet puppy in the car and went into the restaurant first. Ji Hyun-ho followed behind her.

“Do you have a reservation?”

“We made a reservation under the name Ji Yong-jae.”

She wanted to shrink her shoulders at the rough voice coming from beside her. She remembered the heavy breathing that accompanied that voice.

The man, oblivious to what she was thinking, led the way to the room guided by the waiter. They sat at a low table with only two sets of tableware.

Tae-eun sat across from him. It was appropriate for the parents to sit together, but facing him felt uncomfortably awkward. She didn’t think the meal would go smoothly.

“Feeling stuffy?”

“Huh? Oh?”

Ji Hyun-ho covered his mouth with his large hand. When he removed his hand, his lips were tightly pressed together, as if holding back laughter.

“Are you feeling cold?”

As she shook her head, he got up and approached her. Then, he knelt down in front of her, taking hold of the end of her scarf. It was only then that she understood the meaning of his words. As she fumbled to untie the scarf, he didn’t move aside.

He pulled down the scarf that covered her chin. His fingers brushed against her jawline. As she held her breath, the scent she remembered from the café tickled her nose.

His hands calmly untied the knot of her scarf. She remained frozen, unable to exhale or inhale.

He unwrapped the scarf completely, but instead of feeling relieved, she felt even more suffocated. A warmth rose up her neck. Ji Hyun-ho neatly folded the scarf and placed it on the floor.

Tae-eun quietly breathed, staring at his chest right in front of her nose. Sounds of other guests passing through the half-opened door could be heard from beyond. She tensed her shoulders as if she had committed a grave mistake.

But the man, as if there were no mistakes, started unbuttoning her padded coat. Flustered, she tried to undo it herself, but their hands got tangled.

“Ah, sorry.”

Her fingernails grazed his hand as she tried to free herself. He raised an eyebrow and pushed her hand away, finishing unbuttoning the coat.

Then, his hand moved to unzip her coat up to her neck. His smooth nails lightly grazed her delicate skin.

Why did she even zip it all the way up? She should have just worn it loosely.

“Do you know what this is?”

The sound of the zipper being pulled down and Ji Hyun-ho’s deep voice echoed together. As she looked up, her eyes met the man’s, who had been looking down at her all along.

“Noona, you really can’t lie.”

Song Tae-eun lowered her gaze again. Just as she stared only at his sturdy chest, a soft laughter came from above her upper lip.

“I still don’t remember.”

The question was more like a conclusion. Feeling sorry, she nodded her head a couple of times in response.

His chest rose slightly as he took a breath. His hair near the forehead seemed to tense up.

“It’s okay. We can always create new memories in the future.”

With his ambiguous words, she couldn’t find anything more to say. With the laughter of their parents coming as soon as he returned to his seat, continuing the conversation felt even more awkward.

Ji Hyun-ho nonchalantly poured water into her cup. Alone, she quickly took off her padded coat, her face turning red. She resolved never to zip up the zipper and buttons on her coat from now on.

***

Before leaving, Tae-eun glanced at herself in the mirror. She had loosely let her hair down today, but upon seeing it again, it looked messy from months of neglect without proper care. Eventually, she tied her hair back as usual before stepping out of the house.

As Hajung Café 61 approached, her steps gradually slowed down. On the contrary, her heart beat faster, announcing her presence.

‘What should I say? Let’s start with a greeting.’

She practiced her voice in advance. She also practiced looking into the air, anticipating the man’s eye level, and making eye contact.

“Huh?”

However, contrary to her expectations, the café’s door was firmly closed. As the man’s height always made his bleached hair noticeable, she couldn’t see any today.

Following the puppy running towards the backyard of the café like she used to, she also passed through the makeshift walls and entered inside. However, the café was closed with a ‘CLOSED’ sign hung up, and all the lights were off.

Is today a holiday?

However, the opening hours written on the glass indicated only Sundays were closed. Today was Thursday, so maybe Ji Hyun-ho had other plans. Or perhaps he was still asleep.

“Dodam, let’s go. The door isn’t open right now.”

Tae-eun pulled the leash, but the puppy seemed reluctant, dragging its feet on the grass. She felt disappointed and kept looking back, just like him.

Usually, after a lap around the beach, she would use the path behind the café to return home. But today, she deliberately retraced her steps to make sure.

The café’s door was still closed.

“It seems like they’re not opening today.”

She briefly stared at her reflection and the puppy’s reflection in the glass before turning away.

***

Ji Hyun-ho didn’t open the café’s door on Friday or Saturday either. Despite deliberately checking the same path twice, his figure was nowhere to be seen.

He didn’t appear in her dreams either. To be precise, it would be more accurate to say that she no longer dreamed of him, but somehow she kept worrying about him, as if he were somehow related to the man she couldn’t see in reality.

Tae-eun woke up from a deep sleep without dreaming and got up on time. Despite having slept soundly, she felt unsatisfied and lingered in bed for a while.

Today was Sunday, so of course, the café’s door was closed, and she had to pull the puppy trying to enter someone else’s shop. She returned home feeling gloomy for reasons she couldn’t quite understand.

“Dodam’s, go play outside.”

Wanting a change of mood, she chased the puppy out and cleaned the entire house. Living in a six-pyeong one-room apartment in Seoul, an hour was enough for cleaning. However, Hajung-ri’s house had four rooms and two bathrooms, so she couldn’t straighten her back for half a day.

“Dodam, let’s take a bath.”

Dodam, who was playing in the yard, lifted one foot and looked around cautiously. Then, the dog prepared to flee, tail and all. However, she had firmly decided and had to be dragged into the bathroom by Tae-eun.

“Ah, you’re so heavy.”

When she finished washing the 15-kilogram puppy thoroughly and drying her fluffy coat of fur, she felt like collapsing on the floor. But now that she had bathed the dog, it was her turn to wash herself.

By the time she finished showering, it was well past lunchtime. As she lowered her head under the shower and rinsed her long hair, Ji Hyun-ho visited her mind again.

The power of the subconscious was great. Despite only meeting and talking a few times in reality, she kept worrying about him after having various dreams. She even stretched to avoid dreaming, but now found herself stretching in bed, feeling embarrassed by her behavior. As she found herself recalling her dreams, she couldn’t help but feel ashamed.

Even after several days, the dreams where he appeared were vivid, down to the smell and touch. With her hair wrapped up, she touched her lips with her hand but stopped.

Lost in thought, she spent too much time in the shower. Dodam was licking an empty food bowl, perhaps hungry.

“Oh, right. I’m sorry, Dodam. I’ll get you food right away.”

Tae-eun fed the dog and hastily ate her meal of sea urchin and seaweed soup wrapped in rice. Then, she buried herself in the bed with an electric blanket.

As she closed her eyes for a moment, she felt strangely cold despite being under the warm blanket. She tentatively reached out to adjust the temperature of the electric blanket. But soon, her whole body started trembling so much that her teeth clattered.

She couldn’t even muster the strength to call her parents, who were in the orchard. When she reached out from under the blanket, she felt like she would freeze in the immense cold.

A dull ache enveloped her entire body, as if someone had kicked her. Trying to open her eyes was painful.

“Tae-eun, come out and have some shaved ice.”

She heard her dad calling her as he returned home, but she didn’t have the energy to respond. She was still trembling under the blanket.

“Tae-eun.”

After a while, she felt her dad’s presence as he entered with a knocking sound. Trying hard to open her eyes to see her dad, she could only vaguely see the blurry room in the dark. Her dad, who had put his palm on her forehead, shouted beyond the door.

“Byun-tae! Bring warm water!”

Soon, she swallowed the medicine and water. She fell asleep feeling the touch of hands rubbing her arms and legs soothingly.

When she woke up again, she found herself able to check the time on her phone. It was already past two in the morning, and her entire body was soaked in cold sweat.

As much as she wanted to shower and wash the bed sheets, she could barely move her fingers. She buried her face in the pillow and groaned.

“Ugh…”

Although she seemed fragile, she was actually healthy without any lingering illnesses. However, since she got seriously ill two years ago, her body had become sensitive to even small changes. Perhaps it was because she had moved her body too much to distract herself from thoughts that were overwhelming.

Drowsiness surged again. Her body was being sucked into sleep, but strangely, her mind wanted to stay awake a little longer. She forced her eyes shut and took a deep breath.

The smell passed by.

 

 

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