Limits of Paradise

Ji Hyun-ho turned around, closed the window, and went into the bathroom to thoroughly wash his hands. Then, as he took out ingredients to cook from the refrigerator, his demeanor seemed calm, as if nothing was amiss.

After doing as he asked and searching for the meaning of camellias, she couldn’t help but let out a hollow laugh at what the screen showed.

[I love you more than anyone else.]

“Hyun-ho, we need to talk.”

“Have you decided already?”

He turned around, his eyes lighting up as he was washing rice, but upon seeing her stern expression, he quickly turned away.

Song Tae-eun put down the flower and her phone and approached him. He sensed her coming but kept his back to her, continuing to load the rice into the cooker.

It would be a lie to say she wasn’t thrilled by his confession that he had longed to see her after all this time, not having had any significant interaction since they were very young. She couldn’t deny being swayed by his handsome features and his deep, kind voice.

But that alone wasn’t enough to easily decide on a relationship.

“What if our parents find out?”

“Isn’t it too late to be asking that?”

She could not refute that. Indeed, it felt odd to hesitate about dating after coming so far, especially since she was the one who had initiated defining their relationship.

“Remember that Hungarian movie we saw?”

He started preparing the seaweed soup, soaking the dried seaweed in water. She nodded as she watched.

“Yes.”

“You know how the phenomenon of them having the same dream stopped once they confirmed their love for each other.”

“Yes.”

“Let’s try that.”

The sound of water stopped abruptly. He dried his hands and turned to face her.

“You don’t hate me, right? You liked it up to the kissing, didn’t you?”

His cold, wet hand cupped Tae-eun’s cheek. She couldn’t bring herself to say no, instead looking up at him silently.

“We can adjust, little by little, both physically and emotionally. And maybe that will stop the weird dreams we’ve been having, and both of us could actually fall in love. What could be a better outcome than that?”

When Hyun-ho uttered the word ‘love’, it felt as though the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. The idea of a happy ending, coming from him in his rough voice, felt strangely foreign.

It might be more accurate to say she felt a sense of aversion.

Tae-eun sensed something was off, but she chose to focus on the rational part of his suggestion rather than her instincts.

If, like the characters in that movie, their hearts could meet in the same place and lead to peaceful slumber, there could be nothing better.

Even if she had isolated herself like an island, she wanted to experience the affection that someone else could offer. She wanted to feel the undivided attention and gentle warmth that someone could pour into her as a lover, not just as family.

If that person was Ji Hyun-ho… it didn’t seem too bad.

Quicker than expected, she made up her mind and hesitated with her words, then made a suggestion.

“Let’s keep it a secret from everyone else, including our parents.”

Tae-eun prepared an escape in case she needed one. The man caught her intention but smiled crookedly, yet soon agreed cheerfully.

“Okay. Let’s date in secret.”

Her face flushed with warmth. The same words, when spoken in his voice, somehow sounded enticing. She wanted to rub her ears as if they were malfunctioning.

“So, does that mean today is our first day?”

Hyun-ho’s eyes crinkled with a smile. Tae-eun, her face flushed red, looked around the spacious room and fled to the bathroom. A low chuckle followed her from behind.

***

Tae-eun sighed deeply as she looked through the window at the camellia plant occupying a corner of the yard. Thankfully, her parents didn’t find it odd. They seemed to believe Hyun-ho’s explanation that it was a gift to thank her father for his help.

She filled a pretty bowl she found in the cupboard with water and placed the camellia buds that had fallen off into it. Then, watching the flowers float on the water, she listened to the pattering of her dog’s paws in the living room.

A single thought had been on her mind for a while now.

I’m secretly dating Ji Hyun-ho from today.

“Ugh…”

She muffled a scream into the pillow. When she looked up, Dodam was pushing the door open with his nose, probably drawn by the strange noise.

“It’s okay. Go play, I’m fine,” she forced a smile, and Dodam wagged his tail and trotted away. She caught her breath briefly before her phone started vibrating. Ji Hyun-ho’s name flashed on the screen.

Tae-eun quickly shut her door and buried herself under the blanket before finally answering the phone with a deep breath.

“Hello?”

“Why are you whispering?” he asked in a lowered voice, following her lead. She checked again for any signs outside her door before hiding deeper under the covers.

“I live with my parents.”

“Just say you’re talking to Hyun-ho.”

“It would be strange.”

He laughed softly, his breath tickling her ear as if he were right there, making her neck shrink a bit.

“I only ever get calls from family, so suddenly chatting with you, they’d notice.”

“Should I fire Oh Min-woo?”

“What? Why?”

Tae-eun accidentally raised her voice, then clamped her mouth shut, but Hyun-ho continued calmly.

“To give you more hours at work. Then we can hang out without suspicion.”

When would she get used to his way of steering conversations? She peeked out from the covers for some fresh air, then dove back under.

“Stop being naughty, see you tomorrow.”

“Ending the call already?”

“I have to sleep. I go to bed at ten.”

“Are you a kid in a new country? You’re not growing anymore.”

Eventually, she climbed out from under the covers, unable to bear the heat.

“Ah, you want to dream about my face that badly.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“See you later.”

His laughter stretched out even as she ended the call. She pressed her warm cheek against the cold wall, trying to regulate her breathing. Her heart thudded as if she had run a marathon.

Is dating always this embarrassing?

It was a simple call, but she felt completely twisted up inside. Thinking about doing this daily made her feel faint. She might end up in the hospital with a heart condition before her parents ever caught on.

Although she had ended the call early intending to sleep, sleep did not come easily for different reasons than the night before. It felt as if the blood pumping from her heart was racing too fast through her body, causing her to heat up and her head to spin.

“This is crazy.”

She was hit anew with the realization of the magnitude of her decision today. It was her first relationship. Ji Hyun-ho, once just the younger sibling of her brother’s friend whom she had played with as a child, was now her first boyfriend.

This fact kept her kicking at the covers. Meanwhile, the camellia she had placed in the water was ready to bloom even more beautifully.

***

Ji Hyun-ho approached her dreams with great caution.

Using dreams was a strategy born of much deliberation. The real-life Tae-eun was too guarded and sensitive to intrusion for his illusions to break through.

But the dreaming Tae-eun was different. She was vulnerable, her defenses lax, easily surrendering her subconscious.

Initially, he had planned to use dreams to secure a place by her side. However, that plan had to be quickly revised when he encountered her draped in spirits after nine years apart at the café.

Yet, now as her boyfriend, he was not only by Tae-eun’s side but also in a position to gradually cleanse the spirits—a result he found quite satisfactory.

As he delved into her subconscious, poor Tae-eun stood trembling in what seemed to be an office space. The windowsill was lined with pots of red flowers, specifically camellias missing their yellow stamens—a clear sign he had crafted this dream.

Across from her stood a stocky man, chewing on a wad of hair in his mouth. “Who the hell is this guy?”

Ji Hyun-ho remained hidden. He wanted to see how long she could endure, how she would cope, and what exactly this guy was.

“Miss Tae-eun.”

The man pulled the hair from his mouth and offered it to her. Tae-eun hesitated, stepping back.

“Would you like some?”

“Ugh…”

As her back hit a partition, a damp clump of black hair advanced towards her face. She responded fiercely.

“No! Eat it yourself, you pig! Why the hell are you bothering me?”

Ji Hyun-ho tilted his head, intrigued by her reaction he had never seen before. Why was his heart suddenly racing?

“Assistant Manager Song Tae-eun.”

The man blinked rapidly, pushing his face closer to hers. Ji Hyun-ho, contrary to his original plan to just observe, found himself stepping forward.

“Are you going to disrespect people like this? Should I make you end up like Assistant Manager Lee Ye-jin, huh?”

“Do it! Just try! She’s already dead! Go ahead and kill me too!”

Ji Hyun-ho, staggering, embraced the shouting woman. Her face was streaked with tears.

He tried to soothe Song Tae-eun and wake her from the dream, but she had already vanished from his arms—she had escaped the dream first.

His phone vibrated. He gathered the camellias and left the dream.

“Yeah, Noona.”

—Hyun-ho…

Her voice, coming through the phone, was tinged with tears.

“I’m coming over to your house now. Leave the gate open.”

 

 

🍉🍉🍉