“Seasoned ribs out of the blue?”
“You mentioned it earlier, so I got a craving and ordered some.”
As she was about to sit at the table, Tae-eun blushed at the thought of the things she’d said when she wasn’t quite herself. Hearing it all over again while sober was twice as embarrassing.
Hyun-ho, maintaining his composure, even wrapped up a lettuce wrap and brought it to her lips. Under his silent urging, she opened her mouth and took a bite without protest.
“Tasty, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Still feeling a bit open and awkward inside, Tae-eun shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Her constant fidgeting drew his concerned gaze from across the table.
“What’s wrong? Are you uncomfortable somewhere?”
Unable to answer, Tae-eun just nibbled on her meat. Then, the man stood up, walked around the table, and approached her. His large hands found her neck and forehead.
“Do you have pain somewhere? You don’t seem to have a fever.”
Wrapped in a comforting warmth, her lips puckered out. She couldn’t understand why he was so tender now when he had been so rough during sex.
“…It’s because of you.”
Hyun-ho stopped checking her forehead and looked her in the eyes. His hand remained on the back of her neck, fixing her gaze on him.
“Did I hurt you?”
“Yeah.”
She grimaced and nodded. The shock of their unexpected first time was hitting her belatedly, accompanied by a sadness she couldn’t explain. Despite being in the presence of her first partner, she felt an inexplicable loneliness. She didn’t even know how to begin to explain these feelings to herself.
“It won’t hurt next time.”
“What?”
His gentle touch grazed past her ear as he tucked her hair behind it.
“I was rushing today. I’ll make sure it’s more relaxed tomorrow.”
Flustered, Tae-eun grabbed his hand which kept fiddling with her ear. The heat from her flushed cheeks seemed to transfer to her earlobes.
“You want to do it again tomorrow?”
“Should we just keep it strictly oral if it hurts?”
“No, that’s not what I meant!”
Tae-eun’s face turned beet red as she raised her voice. Hyun-ho looked at her, eyes wide with surprise. She pulled his hand away from her and gulped down a cup of warm barley tea.
The level of sadness she felt was so intense that just being asked if she wanted to cry might have made her break down in tears. Yet, she couldn’t understand why. Was this normal after one’s first time? That was the only conclusion she could come to.
“Do you regret it?”
His rough voice heavily settled above her head. As she lifted her trembling eyes, the stern-faced man filled her view.
“Do you regret sleeping with me?”
As her lips twitched, she slowly nodded. She had thought it would feel as good as a kiss. If she had known it would make her skin ache, her insides throb, and bring on such unwelcome gloomy emotions, she would have never gone through with it.
“It still hurts, and being this close with you… it doesn’t feel right.”
“So, how far should we go?”
Hyun-ho asked, genuinely curious. His hand reached for the back of her neck again.
“Is kissing okay, but not sex?”
Tae-eun’s back stiffened. She lowered her eyes deliberately, feeling a mix of resentment and annoyance at his insinuating tone.
“Is it okay to rub over clothes but not to actually do it?”
“I’m going home now.”
“Where do you think you’re going?”
She stood up to leave, but the man, as large as a door, blocked her way. His hand gently swept across her shoulder, down her arm, and finally grasped her hands as if cuffing them.
“You need to tell me what’s okay and what’s not before you can go.”
His voice was chilling, sending a shiver down her spine. Despite the swirling snow outside, the room was warm, but her spot felt like it was rapidly cooling.
“Let’s just not do anything anymore.”
Tae-eun gathered all her courage to barely manage a whisper. Fueled by her resentment towards his rough behavior in bed and now his anger, she managed to glare back at him.
Hyun-ho quietly looked down at her. No emotion could be discerned in his light brown eyes.
She alone couldn’t hold back her feelings, spilling them out silently like a child who cries and throws tantrums without saying a word, silently pleading to be understood.
“Okay.”
His deep voice settled with a grave finality. He released her hands and went back to his place at the table.
“Finish your meal. I’ll take you home after.”
Unable to refuse, she sat down and forced herself to chew through the meat, which felt like mere scraps. He remained silent during the drive to her house and didn’t even look at her when she opened the passenger door.
“Thanks for today. I’m going now.”
No reply came back. She hurried out of the car and walked to the front door. His car sped away down the alley just as she was pulling out her keys.
Reluctantly taking her eyes off the car’s tail lights, Tae-eun rushed into her house to escape the fierce wind. Inside, her dog sprawled on the warm living room floor, wagging its tail in greeting.
“Dodam, shall we go for a walk?”
No matter the weather, the mention of a walk always excited her dog. She dressed it in its winter coat and set out again. As she watched her dog pause at each lamp post to sniff, her gaze grew distant.
Everything had been fine until she saw the camellias.
Even the call at dawn had been pleasant. But recalling why the conversation had lasted so long stirred up the distressing events from earlier in her mind.
The man she had encountered on the bed that morning wasn’t the jovial, kind, and caring Ji Hyun-ho. Instead of being the nice younger brother who hires the clueless neighborhood Noona for part-time work, a frightening and imposing man stood before her.
“Ah…”
She worried about how to face him at work tomorrow. It would have been awkward to see him even if they had parted without incident, but having fought to the extent of not exchanging a single word made it extremely uncomfortable.
A gust of wind swallowed her heavy sigh.
***
Tae-eun dragged her feet slowly towards the café building visible in the distance. Snow from the previous day was piled up between the sidewalk blocks.
Lately, she had been falling asleep by ten at night, but last night she had tossed and turned until nearly three in the morning. And when she finally fell asleep, Ji Hyun-ho inevitably appeared in her dream.
The dream’s setting was the camellia field they had visited yesterday. They walked separately, aligned with the camellia trees, his figure appearing and disappearing among the dense flowers.
She tried to call out his name, but no sound came out. Desperately, she stomped her feet for a long while until the alarm finally woke her up.
“Huh?”
As she crossed the pedestrian crossing at the intersection and started taking deep breaths, she stopped abruptly upon finding the café dark and closed. Her own reflection stared back at her from the glass door.
Tae-eun rushed over but the automatic door didn’t work. Her gaze shifted to the second floor. Was he still in his room? Had he overslept? Was he unwell?
Tae-eun walked to the back of the building where there was an external staircase. She looked up at the firmly shut front door and dialed a number on her phone.
“The customer is not available to take your call right now; please leave a message after the tone.”
However, Hyun-ho did not answer. Unsure of what to do next, she paced around the backyard, staring at the front door. That door reminded her of the man who had never turned to look at her in her dreams.
But her hesitation didn’t last long. The café needed to open for business, and she needed to check if he was alright. Step by step, she climbed the stairs to the second floor.
“Hyun-ho, are you there?”
Reaching the front door, she knocked and called out his name. As she half expected, there was no response. Her eyes drifted down to the door lock. She regretted not knowing the passcode. Anything could happen to someone living alone…
Driven by frustration, Tae-eun tried the door handle.
“Ah!”
The door swung open unexpectedly as soon as she touched it, nearly causing her to fall forward.
At first, she thought Hyun-ho had opened it, but that wasn’t the case. The door had not been locked at all. Startled, she rushed into the room.
“Hyun-ho!”
In the middle of the room, a large figure on the bed stirred at her call. It was Hyun-ho, collapsed face down.
“Hyun-ho, are you okay?”
Tae-eun knelt worriedly by the bed. The first thing she noticed was his forehead, beaded with sweat. He was breathing heavily, his mouth slightly open.
She cautiously touched his forehead then quickly grabbed her phone. His forehead was burning up. She was about to look up his parents’ contact info through her mom.
“Noona…”
“Yes, Hyun-ho, I’m here. Are you okay? Did you take any medicine?”
As she was about to dial her mom’s number, she set the phone aside and closely examined his face again. He weakly shook his head.
In a panic, she scanned the room, trying to remember where he had kept his medicine. Her small feet moved quickly across the spacious room. Soon, she found a first-aid kit in a built-in storage cabinet.
“Hyun-ho, can you get up? Let’s take some medicine to reduce your fever.”
She half-lifted his heavy body to help him take the medicine and water. As soon as he swallowed the pills, he collapsed back down, sprawling across her knees.
🍉🍉🍉
