★Chapter 03 : I’m okay, I won’t die.★
“Uhmmmm…”
My consciousness is clouded.
My limbs aren’t moving as I want them to, and my mind feels hazy, as if covered by fog.
“…Could this be a dream?”
If it feels familiar, then it must be familiar.
At some point, I delved into the study of “lucid dreams” in search of intriguing material for a web novel. Although the project itself turned out to be a complete failure, I’ve had instances where my consciousness awakens within dreams like this, after experiencing lucid dreams a few times.
‘Where am I…?’
I find myself in a playground.
I was playing and frolicking around with a young girl there. I’m fully aware, yet my body moved on its own, independent of my will.
‘It’s been quite some time.’
This nightmare used to haunt me since I was very young, but it’s the first occurrence since I became an adult. It feels fresh and new after such a long absence.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t clearly see the girl’s face. It was blurry overall, and I could only barely discern her expression.
‘It’s been around 20 years.’
During that time, our parents both worked. Without a mobile phone or computer, I spent my days playing alone in the playground.
The girl, who forcefully fed me handmade dumplings with her own hands, also frequented the playground, although not as often as I did.
From what I recall, we got along quite well.
Until that guy came.
‘There he comes.’
A bulky black cat, the leader among the neighborhood strays, entered through the playground entrance. We referred to him as “Nero,” inspired by the lyrics of a popular song at the time.
Even though Nero wasn’t quite an adult, he had an unusually large size comparable to that of a young child. Swaggering through the playground, he boldly climbed up a tree.
“Nero!”
“Yeah.”
“But there’s something odd about Nero.”
“He’s always like that.”
“No! Take a closer look!”
At the girl’s insistence, Kim Ha-neul turned his head. Nero was struggling to descend from the tree.
“I’ll go and help him down!”
“No, it’s dangerous.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Nero has a bad temper.”
Nero had a reputation for his nasty temperament. He would frequently engage in fights with other cats and even attack young children who were playing alone.
He took pleasure in such situations. When parents tried to catch him, he would cunningly disappear.
“But you can’t even climb a tree.”
“But…”
“If you leave him alone, he’ll come down on his own.”
Kim Ha-neul said it firmly, but like most kids her age, the girl couldn’t take her eyes off Nero.
Letting out a soft sigh as she observed them, Kim Ha-neul grabbed the girl’s arm. She made her step back and skillfully began climbing the tree.
“A body honed in the playground, indeed.”
During that time, the playground was equipped with various structures like the rotating stage known as the “centrifuge,” jungle gyms, cloud ladders, and more. It resembled a military training ground.
Nowadays, most of those playground structures have been removed due to safety concerns. However, for someone like Kim Haneul, who had been pushed to her limits in such a playground, this would be a breeze.
“Be careful!”
“It’s okay, I won’t die.”
Kim Ha-neul confidently shouted the most common phrase among boys as he climbed the tree. As someone who knew the outcome, my heart felt heavy.
“I’ve got you… Ah-!”
As Kim Ha-neul extended his hand towards Nero upon finally reaching the top, the creature raised its claws and scratched his wrist.
“What an evil creature.” With its cumbersome size, it had slashed the wrist of a young child. Overwhelmed by the surging pain, Kim Ha-neul instinctively released his grip.
“Huh?”
I gritted my teeth.
Even after several decades, this disorienting sensation of floating in the air is something I can never forget.
Thud!
Kim Ha-neul fell to the ground, his consciousness growing hazy. Meanwhile, Nero calmly descended from the tree and vanished somewhere.
“No…!”
The girl screamed as she rushed over. Blood was flowing profusely from Kim Ha-neul’s wrist, and the shock in his brain made it difficult for her to speak coherently.
“Don’t die, please don’t die!”
Tears welled up in the girl’s eyes, cascading down onto Kim Ha-neul’s face. Even amidst his fading consciousness, Kim Ha-neul mustered a smile.
“I’m… okay… I won’t die…”
Yes, I won’t die.
I’ve managed to survive until now.
However, the scar on my wrist from that moment plagued me relentlessly. I was misunderstood as “the child who attempted suicide” at school and became a target of bullying.
I wasn’t the type to simply endure; if I was hit, I would hit back twice as hard. Such incidents accumulated over time, eventually causing upheaval within our household.
Witnessing my parents’ tears, I started studying late and eventually gained admission to Seoul National University on my second attempt. But I’m still a repeating student. There’s no other ungrateful child like me.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t die…”
But how long will she cry? With Kim Ha-neul’s consciousness fading, even the moment I wake up from my dream. She didn’t leave my side.
Leaving behind the girl’s still hazy face.
Gradually, I emerged from the dream.
“Hmm… Huh!?”
It happens sometimes.
The moment I open my eyes, I instinctively sense that something is amiss. And when that occurs, it’s almost a 100% certainty that I’ve overslept.
“Ugh!”
“Whoa, you startled me!”
Taken aback, I sat up, only to be met with an even more surprised expression from Kang Ba-da, who was looking at me.
“Ba-da-ssi, did I…?”
“You were asleep. I was worried someone might take you away.”
“…What time is it now?”
“Don’t worry. You’ve only been asleep for about an hour. I rescheduled your appointments.”
“That’s a relief.”
I thought I had slept for half a day again. Of course, it’s a significant issue that I dozed off at the hair salon. But it can still be rectified.
However, Kang Ba-da’s gaze directed at me is disconcerting. Though she appears expressionless on the surface, there’s a peculiar aura emanating from her.
“When was the last time you had a proper rest?”
“Yesterday… No, not yesterday. The day before.”
The moment I mentioned ‘yesterday,’ her gaze changed like a sharp axe, so I quickly corrected myself. She must have noticed that I stayed up all night.
“…This is not good.”
Right from the first appointment, I failed to maintain my energy levels and ended up making a regrettable scene in front of others. Even if the contract is unilaterally canceled, I don’t have any grounds to argue.
‘Does that mean I have to pay 5 million won as well?’
Damn it.
This is precisely why money shouldn’t be spent carelessly. I can’t possibly ask my parents to return it now, so for the time being, I’ll have to work really hard.
That entails waking up no later than 5:30 a.m., punching in at the office, heading out to the field, and returning around 19:00. Considering it takes me about four hours to write an average piece…
“Ha-neul-ssi.”
“Yes?”
“You didn’t hear what I just said?”
“Well… Um, sorry. I’m still not fully awake.”
“I asked when was the last time you had more than seven hours of uninterrupted sleep.”
I swallowed my silence upon Kang Ba-da’s words. Pondering carefully, I couldn’t recall a single day like that ever happening in my life.
The severe insomnia that plagued me since school days continues to this day. And ever since my time in the military, where sleep disorders were further added, I haven’t experienced a restful night’s sleep.
Now, I’ve grown so accustomed to insomnia that I work until I collapse halfway, relying on energy drinks or coffee.
“You don’t remember either?”
“No.”
“I’ll make a reservation at the hospital I go to. There, you can get sleep medication, even if it’s by force.”
“I’m not really inclined to take medication.”
“At the very least, seek counseling. Otherwise, our contract will be terminated.”
“What?”
“If you want to continue earning money for a long time, take your health management seriously. I have no intention of burdening you with the title of a young widow.”
“…”
Kang Ba-da spoke with a determined gaze I hadn’t seen before. This was an area where there was no room for excuses or negotiations, so I nodded heavily.
“And…”
“······?”
“Now, don’t lie to me.”
“Understood.”
I didn’t intend to, but I got caught in a lie while trying to conceal the situation. It’s unavoidable that trustworthiness diminishes as a result.
Fortunately, the contract hasn’t been terminated yet, so I reconsidered my plans for the future.
‘I guess I’ll have to come up with a routine’
Taking sleeping pills doesn’t appeal to me, but following the doctor’s prescription and taking them appropriately will undoubtedly be helpful.
I haven’t been going to the hospital because I thought the medical expenses were wasteful. However, I need to visit the hospital, even if it’s an investment for better performance and taking care of my health in the long run.
“But does Ba-da-ssi also have insomnia?”
Didn’t she just mention “the hospital I go to”? It seems that appearances can be deceiving. Even wealthy people have their own concerns, it seems.
‘This could be useful material for a novel.’
The lack or deficiency is the fundamental desire that motivates people. Just like the protagonist in a novel, appropriate deficiencies serve as significant driving forces for the story.
‘I should inquire about it at some point.’
From a research perspective.
Even for the sake of improving my work.
It’s necessary to understand Kang Ba-da’s worries. Of course, I can’t ask her directly at the moment, but I’ll create an opportunity in the future.
“I’ll be away for a while, so Ha-neul-ssi, get your hair done. I’ll return before it’s finished.”
“Understood.”
Perhaps she’s still a bit upset, as Kang Ba-da left the room with a somewhat stern expression. Immediately after, Ryu Yeon-hwa entered and took the scissors in her own hands.
“Ha-neul.”
“Yes?”
“If Ba-da is in trouble, I won’t simply stand by.”
“······”
She spoke with scissors in her hand, which was a little scary.
No, it was quite terrifying.
* * *
Kang Ba-da, who came out onto the emergency staircase, leaned against the wall and let out a small sigh.
‘That scar on his wrist…’
While Kim Ha-neul was asleep, Kang Ba-da secretly checked his wrist. Now, with her own eyes, she could finally see it since Kim Ha-neul always wore long-sleeved clothes.
“It’s definitely him.”
The boy she had been searching for was undoubtedly the one.
Well, she had already had a vague suspicion. But confirming it like this felt new and different.
‘How long have I been searching for him?’
After that day, she went to the playground every day, but she couldn’t meet the boy. Even after she became a student, she asked around, but there was no trace of him.
Later, she found out that it had been handled within the family to prevent it from becoming a trauma for the young boy. That was the first time she got angry at his family.
Of course, it didn’t change anything.
Too much time had passed to find the boy whose name she didn’t even know. Just as her family had hoped, her own emotions gradually diminished over time.
‘But to meet him here…’
The connections between people are truly fascinating. When you try so hard to find someone, they never appear, but once you give up, they suddenly appear right before your eyes.
– Are you injured anywhere?
– Oh, no…
– From now on, don’t walk too close to the road. When you walk like that, holding an expensive bag, it’s as if you’re asking to be mugged.
She recognized it immediately when she saw him for the first time. Kim Ha-neul had grown up just as he looked when he was young. He built walls around herself and became slightly sharper than before.
– Well, then I’ll go.
– Wait a moment! Can you give me your phone number?
– That’s a bit difficult.
“Excuse me?”
“I think I should make my escape now.”
With only those words remaining, Kim Ha-neul suddenly vanished. Kang Ba-da, who had been absentmindedly gazing at his back, only comprehended his words when she heard the blaring sound of sirens.
“Officer, over there!”
“Oh dear… Are you injured?”
“Those guys… They were about to snatch this girl’s bag, but then a young man wearing a hat swiftly intervened and kicked them!”
In Kang Ba-da’s place, the elderly lady who had been attentively observing the entire situation explained enthusiastically. Understanding the overall situation, the police officer approached her.
“Do you happen to know that person?”
“Yes? Um… No. Why?”
“Well, the legal aspect of this is a bit ambiguous… Even though the person did something commendable, from a legal standpoint, it could be considered as one-sided violence against the muggers. So, both of you will need to undergo a police investigation together.”
Kang Ba-da’s gaze shifted towards the muggers. The two individuals who had attempted the robbery were now trapped beneath the motorcycle, finally being rescued.
Regardless of their delayed speed, they were in the midst of a high-speed chase. Neither of them was appropriately dressed, and their bodies were covered in bruises, not to mention the motorcycle.
“I think I should make my escape now.”
“Oh… So that’s what it meant.”
“What did you just say?”
“I will contact the legal team at our company to handle this.”
“Really?”
The police officer’s voice was filled with doubt, but there was no time to explain every detail. They had to locate Kim Ha-neul, who had vanished somewhere.
Afterward, Kang Ba-da efficiently resolved the case through the legal team and painstakingly reviewed all the surrounding CCTV footage to barely find Kim Ha-neul.
‘…He must have endured a difficult life.’
Once I had obtained his name and address, everything became smoother. I swiftly discovered the kind of life Kim Ha-neul had led and the reasons behind the current situation.
If it were merely a matter of guilt, it could have been easily resolved with monetary compensation. However, for some unknown reason, there was a lingering unease deep within me, compelling me to pay him a personal visit.
“Do you need something?”
“I want you to stop coming here.”
“Anything else?”
“Money.”
“Anything else?”
“A large sum of money.”
“Anything else.”
“Do people often tell you that you lack tact?”
Kim Ha-neul’s expression showed no sign of recognition. Instead, he appeared more bothered than anything else. The issue was that my unnecessary competitiveness had gotten in the way.
As a ploy to witness his startled reaction, I had thrown the idea of ‘marriage’ at him, knowing full well he would never accept.
“You’re insane, Kang Ba-da-ssi.”
Kang Ba-da recalled the marriage certificate tucked away deep in his safe. A smile gradually spread across his face.
“Ba-da, are you serious?”
“Huh?”
“Shouldn’t you stop it? You’ve been staring at a sleeping person’s face for an hour.”
The conversation she had with the salon owner before leaving had left her perplexed.
Since she couldn’t go back on her words after already declaring her intention to marry him, Kang Ba-da could only feign nonchalance with a forced smile.
“What should I do?”
Kang Ba-da cupped her face in her hands and slumped down. She consciously took deep breaths, striving to calm her racing heart.
“I believe… I still have feelings for this person.”
The puppy love she thought had come to an end.
It had ripened into a vivid crimson.
