Chapter 19
My logical persuasion seemed to have worked—he went silent.
But Jed looked at me with an expression like he was staring at something extremely bothersome.
Ah, I know that look.
Back home, we had a dog that never got properly house-trained. Our butler used to look at that dog the same way jed looks at me now.
For the record, that dog was my mother’s favorite. It lived a long life and did whatever it wanted until the very end.
I clicked my tongue in my head but decided to let it go.
Anyway, Jed was useful, having access to places I didn’t. I didn’t want to annoy him unnecessarily.
I was even a bit impressed when he effortlessly gathered information about the monastery where Raina was staying.
“…Oh, just in case something happens to me, I’ve divided and hidden coded documents marking possible suspicious locations. Be careful. My parents, when truly angry, won’t hesitate to act on mere suspicion. As you know, the ones who sharpen their blades in silence are far more dangerous than those who openly demand an apology.”
jed sighed, sounding slightly annoyed, then muttered,
“I know. I expected that.”
“What about Raina?”
Jed deliberately took his time pulling out some papers, then tapped them against the desk in frustration.
“Ever since that name got involved, nothing has gone right.”
That statement stirred something in me.
“Oh? Same here. Interesting.”
Jed’s gaze sharpened for a moment before he gave up and left the room.
The door slammed shut.
“Guess I pushed him too far…”
But honestly, it felt like I had grabbed a wild cat by the scruff of its neck. I couldn’t deny I had the urge to tease him a bit.
I reflected on that for a moment.
—
As Jed made his way home, he thought about how to cool his irritation and anger.
“I need to mess with someone to get rid of this rage…”
But he couldn’t touch Raina directly.
Pressuring Bern wouldn’t work either—he had only just managed to calm down and could easily spiral out of control again.
“Getting Prince Max involved would be too much trouble.”
And provoking Carmilla was just plain dangerous. You don’t poke at a mad woman unless you’re sure you can take her down without consequences.
That left no good options.
What he once thought was a perfect weapon—words that would hurt Raina while sparing Bern—was useless now. Bern no longer cared about her like that.
Everything had become a tangled mess. Moving carelessly would only put him at a disadvantage.
Jed understood that logically.
“But that doesn’t make me any less furious.”
Frustrated, Jed ended up heading to Bern’s mansion. Without a word, he punched him.
The blow landed with clear malice.
Thud.
Bern turned around with a stunned expression.
“What the hell? Are you insane?”
jed just grinned and smacked him again.
“Nah, I just figured you needed a good beating.”
Bern nearly drew his sword in rage, and jed felt a twinge of regret—he should’ve gotten one more hit in before Bern saw it coming.
—
“If Raina dies—whether the culprit is your parents, you, or anyone else—I won’t let it slide. Even if I die myself.”
Bern’s words suddenly echoed in my mind as I traveled to see Raina.
The carriage jolted as we moved toward the outskirts of the city.
I remembered the look in Bern’s eyes when I told him I wanted to be friends with Raina. It was like an animal protecting its young—calm, but with an unshakable hostility.
And his words…
He hadn’t been warning me. He had stated a fact.
His deep blue eyes, darkened with emotion, didn’t show anger or hatred.
Yet, something was chilling about him, something unyielding and absolute.
It wasn’t just logic—it was obsession. No, beyond that. It was a kind of madness.
“Could you become Raina’s official husband?”
Most people would hesitate before swallowing such a poisoned bait.
But Bern had answered without hesitation:
“I was planning to.”
That wasn’t love. At least, not the kind I understood.
It was something heavier, something dark and deeply ingrained.
“I thought he was just a fool in love.”
But looking back, the fact that he hid Raina away meant he knew exactly how his family would react.
And yet, rather than admire their love, all I could think was…
“I threw my life away for a hopeless cause in my past life, didn’t I?”
Some things take two lifetimes to finally understand.
If I had truly wanted love, I would have given up back then.
That was the kind of wall Bern and Raina had built between themselves and the world.
But revenge… that was a different matter.
I had to see their suffering.
Because otherwise, that foolish, miserable woman—the one who once sobbed and broke down—would never find peace.
Even if I had been a fool, my pain and grief had been real.
If I even refused to acknowledge it, wouldn’t that be too cruel?
“My child… My poor child, who did nothing wrong except having a foolish woman for a mother… who wasn’t even remembered by anyone.”
Only I knew my child had existed.
Only I could stand by their side.
If I didn’t hold onto my hatred, if I didn’t take revenge…
My child would be truly pitiful.
My heart, briefly shaken by Bern’s devotion, hardened once again.
But seeing his feelings first hand made me wish for one thing.
I hoped I would never come to understand him.
Because if I started to, hating them would become much harder.
—
Dressed in plain clothes, I rode in a carriage from outside my family’s estate to a secluded monastery.
“What a peaceful place.”
Rolling hills covered in grass stretched before me, with a windmill turning in the distance.
“You’ve been living in a nice place, haven’t you?”
Always under someone’s protection.
Always safe.
But that was about to change.
I turned to the coachman.
“Wait for me here.”
He nodded, gripping his whip, ready to wait as long as needed.
I walked quietly into the monastery. A large statue greeted me first.
I placed the flowers I had brought at its feet and bowed my head.
But I found nothing to pray for.
Asking a god for revenge felt wrong.
Praying for my dead child was meaningless—because they had never truly existed.
And praying for my peace?
That felt far too selfish.
In the end, I simply stood in silence before turning to the orphanage attached to the monastery.
“Aha!”
“Run! Hurry!”
“Sister, you can’t catch us!”
Laughter rang through the air.
A child ran past me, brushing against my dress.
“Oh…”
Startled, I looked down.
A bright-eyed child barely slowed down before shouting,
“Ah! Sorry!”
Then they dashed off again, followed by two more kids kicking up dust.
I hadn’t seen people running around in a long time. It left me momentarily dazed.
Then, another person ran out after them.
“You brats! Come back here! Do you think running will stop me from washing you?”
That voice.
It was etched into my memory, clear as day.
But this time, it was full of energy and warmth.
It was her.
“Raina…?”
A young woman in simple cleric robes had her sleeves rolled up, chasing after the kids.
She stopped at the sound of my voice.
Her clear, bright eyes widened as she looked at me.
“Who are you?”
I felt something twist inside me.
I had spent so long thinking about her.
Yet to her, I was a stranger.
I must have smiled strangely.
“…Nice to meet you. I’m Carmilla. I believe you’ve heard of me.”
I forced my lips into the shape of a polite smile.
“Did Bern not tell you I was coming?”
And for the first time, I addressed her directly.
“Lady Raina.”
