IMLTVS Chapter 18

Chapter 18

 

 

 Even holding a cup of hot tea doesn’t calm my heart.

Waiting for him, whether in love or after love has died, is never easy.

Just then, I heard movement outside.

Firm lips, sharp and defined eyes. Light gray hair, almost ash-colored. Cold, deep navy-blue eyes.

He opened the door and stepped inside.

He’s here. Or maybe… he finally came.

“You came,” I said, feeling something strange inside me.

Bern truly kept his promise and arrived in Armen.

I hadn’t told my father or mother. They would find out eventually, but if I told them in advance, it would just be a hassle.

The butler suggested I bring a knight, but I refused. A maid also wanted to accompany me, but I turned her away.

I wanted to speak with him alone.

This was my business, and I didn’t want any interference.

All the things that once made me feel safe now felt like burdens. People are truly fickle.

I was about to offer Bern a seat, but he walked straight to me and knelt by my side.

Seeing a man with a history like his suddenly closing the distance with large strides made me flinch for a second. Only a beat later did I find my voice.

“What… are you doing?”

I thought I had spoken calmly, but my voice came out cold.

“I know words alone won’t be enough,” he said.

I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them again.

Why does my mind seem to stop working whenever I see him?

If I were angry, if I were truly in pain, if I were crying, I could at least do something in response. But when I look at Bern, my body feels like it doesn’t belong to me.

Even now, I feel strangely detached, as if my mind and body are misaligned.

When I see him, my emotions don’t flare up—they die.

Only a deep, dark, suffocating feeling lingers inside me.

“So, if you’re not apologizing with words, are you planning to pay some kind of price?” I scoffed. “Ridiculous. The matter between our families has already been settled. Why apologize now? I already told you—I don’t need your apology.”

My words came out more mocking than I intended.

Bern simply lowered his head in response.

“I believe making amends is only natural,” he said calmly. “But if you are not at peace, then nothing else matters. That’s why I had to see you in person to apologize. That day… I wronged you. If there is anything I can do to ease your heart, I will do it. That is why I am here.”

I stared at Bern, his head bowed before me.

‘So this is the kind of man who would apologize so earnestly over a mere slap.’

A strange, hollow feeling filled me.

Without Raina involved, he seems surprised… reasonable.

An impulse came over me—to ask him why he was willing to apologize for something so trivial now, yet back then, he had struck my face with such arrogance, even as I was drowning in despair, mourning the loss of my child because of him.

But before I could speak, I understood.

No one in this world can ever apologize for that.

This is no longer about justice—only my meaningless rage.

There is no one left to take responsibility for what happened to me.

Strangely, I felt abandoned.

Abandoned by fate, by time.

By Bern and Raina.

I am the only result left of everything that has happened.

All the connections have been severed, leaving only me—an outcome with no origin.

‘Was I blessed with a miracle?’

‘Or was my time rewound by a cruel devil, rather than a merciful god?’

I have only two choices:

To take revenge.

Or to bear my suffering alone.

Either way, I will be alone.

There is no echo along either path.

‘Is this what it means to be an orphan of time?’

In a calm voice, I asked, “You said you would take responsibility in any way possible. Then… would you give me your right hand? The one you hold your sword with?”

The question had simply popped into my head.

Bern’s face stiffened immediately.

Seeing that, I let out a slow, quiet laugh.

It was suddenly amusing.

What a liar.

I smiled, eyes curving.

“I’m joking. Do you think I’d say something like that just because of a single slap?”

“That is not something to joke about,” Bern replied, his voice icy.

His navy blue eyes looked like cold glass.

I had never seen those eyes hold anything human.

Except, perhaps, on the very first day we met—a moment so distant that I can no longer remember it clearly.

“You want to apologize?” I said slowly. “There is only one way you can do that.”

I met his gaze, my expression cold.

“Stay in your family. Fulfill your duties. The last thing I want is for my actions to ruin your life.”

Stand firm.

Marry your beloved.

And when you do, finally realize—truly understand—what I shielded you from, all this time.

I had thought of taking his sword. Of killing Raina in front of him. Of waiting until they had a child, only to take that child away.

Endless thoughts had tormented me through sleepless nights.

But in the end, more than anything, I wanted him to pay his price.

“I’m not a cruel person,” I said gently. “I’ve even tried to see things from your perspective. You and Raina—your love is tragic.”

I smiled, soft and harmless.

“Introduce me to Raina, will you? I’d love to befriend her. Maybe even help her be accepted by your family. If I forgive her, your family might ease up on her.”

And that way, you’ll have to watch her wither away.

I extended my hand to help him up, still smiling.

“Though we started as enemies, who knows?”

As I pulled him to his feet, his eyes—full of confusion—reflected my face.

I was smiling like an angel.

“Maybe we can become friends.”

“Why does Bern love Raina so much?”

Jed sprawled lazily in his chair with his feet on the desk, replied without much interest.

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“Useless,” I muttered. “You’re not as clever as people say.”

Jed let out an exaggerated sigh, not even bothering to hide his annoyance.

“You’re not going to kill her, are you? I thought you would. What a waste of time.”

Then he added like it was the most normal thing in the world—

“My talent is in killing.”

At this point, I was used to his nonsense, so I barely reacted.

“Sure, whatever you say.”

For some reason, despite his recklessness, Jed and I had developed a strange, uneasy partnership.

At first, he only approached me to use me.

But as it turned out, my hatred was focused entirely on Bern, not Raina.

And so, instead of controlling me, Jed found himself dragged into an awkward position—stuck somewhere between helping me and leaving me alone.

Oddly enough, despite everything, he seemed to genuinely care about his friends.

Which was ironic, considering he wanted to kill his best friend’s lover.

Sunlight filled the small room attached to the gallery, where paintings were usually displayed.

Being surrounded by art supplies and canvases was oddly comforting.

Jed, on the other hand, looked deeply irritated.

“I thought you’d say yes,” he grumbled. “That’s why I came. If you’re not going to kill her, what the hell was the point?”

“You lay a hand on her,” I warned, “and I’ll tell Bern it was you.”

Jed frowned.

“You wouldn’t even need proof. Just planting doubt in his mind would be enough to destroy everything.”

Silence.

Then Jed muttered, “You’re insane, aren’t you?”

I just smiled.