IMLTVS Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 

 

 A cold fear, like poison spreading inside me, filled my stomach.

Was it true? Was it not a lie meant to shake me?

If it was a lie, he should have said something—anything—to make me stay. But his attitude… it was as if he truly believed what he was saying.

My mind tangled into thousands of knots, making me dizzy. Then, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Why… did he say he would leave? Why? Just because of a few words from me?”

As I spoke, reality hit me.

He was leaving the family. To run away with her. To have a happy ending together.

My lips trembled strangely as I spoke. Or was it my jaw? I bit my lips to keep myself steady.

“Now… only now? Why…?”

“No, now is the perfect time. If he’s going to leave, this is the right moment. Though the idea itself is idiotic.”

I stood frozen, feeling as if my entire body was melting into cold liquid and flowing away.

“Ah…”

He, who always locked me up like a broken doll and ran off to see his lover, was now planning to run away completely. To escape his pathetic life where he always used someone else as a sacrifice. To finally claim perfect happiness.

It felt like my heart was burning into ashes.

I hated him so much.

The realization was so painful that it almost felt new.

I hadn’t gotten better. I hadn’t forgotten. My hatred hadn’t faded.

I had only covered it up.

‘I thought if I didn’t see it, if I didn’t think about it, I would get better.’

I had assumed that even if I did nothing, he would eventually destroy himself, repeating the same disgusting mistakes with new victims.

But my mind was boiling over, thoughts turning white-hot and scattered. I couldn’t focus.

I forced myself to blink, trying to gather my thoughts.

‘It’s okay. It’s fine. It has nothing to do with me. No matter what happens to him…’

But those words felt hollow. Like a mirage, like dry sand slipping through my fingers.

Deep inside, an instinctive voice whispered something sharp and bitter.

‘Even if the whole world becomes happy, you can’t. You ruined me. You turned my life into hell.’

It felt like fire was consuming my chest.

He could not be redeemed now. He could not choose the right path.

‘Then what about my suffering? What about my pain? Who will make up for it?’

At least if he stayed the same—if he remained a worthless, pathetic mess—I could find some small comfort in that.

I suddenly felt so cold that I curled in on myself.

“A picture-perfect home… a position he earned for himself… living properly with her. A perfect couple, right? They seem to care for each other.”

Leaving the family, taking Raina with him… living in that house with the swing in the rose garden, just the two of them…

A wave of dizziness hit me.

Throwing everything away to be happy?

Him?

Someone like him?

My lips started shaking. I wished I didn’t know.

Now that I did, I couldn’t stop trembling.

I suffered for years. My mind shattered.

And yet, he… he would be at peace? I was still suffering—I spent my days aimlessly sewing embroidery with no meaning…

My lips trembled.

No, I had to calm down. I wanted to be happy. I had to calm down. The past didn’t exist anymore. It was gone. I was fine.

I had to be fine.

Jed Lyman suddenly added, “He also wants to apologize to you. He wants to settle everything properly. He says he wants to take responsibility for his actions.”

Something snapped inside me.

‘You can’t take responsibility.’

The words echoed in my mind as if someone else had spoken them.

Clean things up? Become righteous? Apologize and leave the family, then live happily?

That wasn’t my responsibility.

He could only take responsibility by being miserable.

He couldn’t just run away like this.

He couldn’t erase my pain—my suffering—by simply walking away.

Ah—everything felt far away. I wanted to cry.

He left me in the mud, and now he would wash himself clean and live peacefully? How could he be so cruel?

“How can he be so selfish…?”

I wished he were still greedy, still rotten to the core—grasping at everything, making a mess of everything, just like before.

I wanted to see him drag his precious lover into the same filth, so I could watch from afar and laugh.

I buried my face in my hands. My pale fingers clutched at my skin.

“Why does he always run away?”

If he saved himself—if he became good, righteous, and happy…

A nightmare roared back to life inside me.

I had thought I buried it, but the memories clawed their way up. The nights of torment. My falling hair. The way my mind and body had broken, over and over.

All of it returned, suffocating me.

And then, I realized.

If he succeeded, then I could never be saved.

“This can’t happen.”

If he and Raina had a child—if they created the happy family that should have been mine—

My eyes burned red.

‘No. You killed my baby. You can’t do this.’

At the very least, their family should have been broken. Twisted by unhappiness. Their child should have been born into misery.

That would have been justice.

My chest burned. Tears slipped through my fingers. They wouldn’t stop.

Even if the child wasn’t mine… even if it wasn’t… the pain, the suffering, the hellish agony I went through—it didn’t just fade away.

I hated him. I hated him so much.

I had to get out.

‘From where?’

I had to stop.

‘Why?’

He didn’t deserve happiness.

From the moment he killed his child, he lost that right.

Tears dripped down as I whispered,

“…I can’t forgive him. I can’t forget. I can’t accept him being happy.”

I turned to Jed. I wanted to ask him what he intended. He had shaken me enough. Now, it was time for him to make an offer.

“What do you want? What do you expect me to do?”

Jed stared at me as if studying my reaction. Then, he smiled, carefree and amused.

“Alright. So we’re allies now, huh?”

He stepped closer and held out his hand.

“We might have different goals, but we both want to ruin Bern’s perfect little life. Let’s work together.”

His narrowed eyes gleamed with a dangerous light.

I knew, instinctively, that this was the moment.

If I refused, I would be free. My name would never be mentioned in this story.

If I wanted peace, I couldn’t get involved.

If I stepped in, I would be dragged back into the past.

Ah—

But how could I let him?

How could I let Bern, who killed my baby, live a righteous, happy life with Raina and their child?

If I let that happen, I would die from the sheer rage and humiliation.

I grabbed Jed’s hand.

Even if it cost me, I couldn’t let this go.

A distant fear flickered in my mind.

But right now, my hatred for Bern’s happiness was stronger than anything else.

I drifted home in a daze, my feet barely touching the ground.

Once in my room, I didn’t know what to do. I stood still, hands empty.

Then, I remembered Ian’s letter.

I needed something—anything—to anchor me, to pull me back down.

I retrieved the letter from where I had hidden it and began to read it with a blank expression.

But the words blurred.

I couldn’t focus.

I tried harder, staring until the paper almost burned under my gaze. But the words, so full of longing, meant nothing to me.

Frustrated, I resealed the letter and began pacing.

I felt restless. I needed to do something.

I pulled the servant’s bell.

Lysdel arrived immediately, her eyes full of concern.

“My lady?”

I frowned—not at her, but at myself.

I felt empty, like a paper doll.

Once, looking at her warmed me. But now, she was just a maid.

“…Go back.”

Lysdel hesitated. “Are you alright, my lady?”

What would she do if I wasn’t? What could she do?

She didn’t know what had happened that day.

She only saw her lady return from an art exhibition, pale and shaken.

“Leave. I want to be alone.”

I had no kindness left to give. Nothing looked beautiful. Nothing felt precious.

When she hesitated, I shot her a cold glare.

“I… I’m sorry, my lady.”

Lysdel shrank back and hurried out.