IMLTVS Chapter 06

Chapter 06

 

 

 

It would be great if emotions could disappear by deciding they don’t exist.

If everything had already become nothing, my heart should be able to turn away easily. Then, I would feel relieved. But that wasn’t easy.

The moment I let my guard down, old memories took over my mind. When I bit my lip, I only realized I had done so after feeling the pain.

‘Ah, I’m thinking strange things again.’

I shouldn’t let myself be trapped by a past that no longer exists. I blinked to push the thoughts away and focused on my embroidery again.

I wasn’t sure how long I had been concentrating when suddenly, the house became unusually noisy.

Sensing something was off, I looked up just as Lysdel rushed toward me, her face flushed with excitement.

“My lady! My lady! Sir Bern is here! He looked very serious like he had something important to say. Maybe… maybe it’s good news!”

She blurted everything out in a hurried whisper, almost shouting. Then, she examined my expression.

“My lady?”

Her previously excited face clouded over. Seeing her blue eyes darken, I realized I must have been making an unpleasant expression.

I quickly smoothed out my face and spoke calmly.

“Don’t make a fuss. Just quietly guide him to the drawing room. I’ll be there soon.”

‘Coming unannounced like this, as if we’re still close.’

The thought irritated me, but I quickly blinked the bitterness away.

Hating someone just because of a broken engagement isn’t natural.

My hatred would seem strange to others. I couldn’t let it show.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror.

I looked a little pale, but not to the point of concern. My thoughts were completely hidden beneath my expression.

‘Not bad.’

After making myself presentable, I went to the drawing room.

Even though I told them to stay quiet, the servants were filled with excitement. It seemed the maids had already spread the news everywhere.

Back then, I thought my response to the engagement breaking was appropriate, but it had an unexpected consequence—the maids had grown too fond of me.

Instead of treating me with the respectful distance they should have, they fussed over me like it was their affair.

But since they were acting out of fondness, I couldn’t scold them too harshly.

‘Besides, my mother is just watching. I can’t step in either.’

Still, their warmth softened my mood a little.

I felt like a secure egg resting in its nest.

‘Maybe he came to end things completely.’

Perhaps I let my guard down.

SLAP!

As soon as I entered the drawing room, calling his name, I was met with Bern’s palm striking my cheek.

Ah, just like before. Just like that day.

The shock made my vision flash, and my body staggered.

“You acted like you were letting go, but you tried to kill Raina? Is that what you call proper manners?”

I was pulled back into the past in an instant, without a chance to react.

I struggled to steady my swaying body and my blurry vision. 

When I finally looked up, he was there—glaring at me with furious eyes, as if he would devour me whole.

“Why? Why did you do it? Didn’t you say you were stepping back? Was it just to catch me off guard? Answer me!”

My head spun. I felt like throwing up. Amidst the dizziness, my mind repeated the same words.

Raina. Raina. Raina…

The details didn’t even matter.

Whenever it was about Raina, Bern would get angry at me. I would be pushed to my limit and become colder, harsher, more twisted.

That was our usual, one-sided, and normal dynamic.

Whenever Raina was involved, you hit me, just like that day.

I curled my lips into a smile instead of crying.

Did you think I would show weakness? Me? Me?

Somehow, I managed to force a smile.

Me, Carmilla Armen?

If Bern lost control, he could kill me.

The sheer difference in size, the overwhelming pressure of his anger—it was like facing a raging beast. It froze my entire body.

But I refused to acknowledge it.

Instead, an unfamiliar rage surged within me, strong enough to keep me standing, to lift my chin high, and to smile—even now.

The moment Bern saw my smile, his eyes burned with even greater fury. As he raised his hand again, I acted first.

I swung my arm with all my strength and slapped him across the face.

Who do you think you are? Who the hell do you think you are?!

Blood dripped from his split lip. His eyes, now slightly clearer, stared at me in shock.

And I smiled.

It felt as if I had become a machine, controlling my own body like a puppet.

“I think there’s been some misunderstanding. I only returned what I received. But it seems you’re in no state to have a rational conversation. You should leave.”

As I spoke, I could feel my gaze turning colder. Even my voice sounded emotionless and mechanical.

I couldn’t hide it.

Hatred, just like love or a cough, is impossible to conceal.

The longer I looked at Bern, the harder it became to control myself.

I turned and left the drawing room, nearly stumbling as I walked away.

I felt sick.

It felt like my chest was burning, my mind was turning black, and my entire body was being consumed.

Someone, please help me.

I fought so hard for this new life. I don’t want to waste it on hating them.

Someone, please shut off this awful noise in my head.

Raina. Bern. I hate them so much it’s unbearable. But I don’t want to destroy myself over them.

I can live happily. I don’t want to suffocate like I did in that house, consumed by hatred.

It’s all in the past. It never happened. So there’s nothing to forgive. I just have to pretend I don’t know.

If I ignore it, I can erase this pain, this burning rage.

But he dragged everything back up.

He forced me to remember it all.

Why is he so cruel? How can he be so thoughtlessly cruel? What right does he have?

Tears fell.

I wasn’t making any expression, but silent tears dripped onto the floor.

Then, I saw through the window—outside, a figure was leaving. A knight’s uniform, gray hair, and a sturdy frame.

Bern.

I could run to him right now. If I let him kill me, my parents would surely avenge me.

I could ruin his life.

Nonsensical thoughts felt strangely persuasive.

Despair, hatred, and so many emotions tangled inside me.

I couldn’t look away from him. He was like a magnet, pulling me in with pure hatred.

Then, someone jumped out of a carriage to greet him.

Dark hair, expensive clothes—it was probably one of his close friends.

Sensing my gaze, the friend looked up at me.

Even though the distance was too great to see his face, I could feel his eyes on me.

Bern seemed to notice too and began to turn around.

I stumbled away from the window.

If I saw his face now, I didn’t know what I would do.

I needed to run before I lost all reason.

Just as I turned away, a sharp noise rang out—a cry, followed by the sound of something shattering.

I turned back.

It was Hannah.

“My lady! My lady—!”

She had dropped something and ran toward me, her face pale.

Then, she gasped in horror and grabbed my face.

“My lady, your hair… Ah! Your face—your hand—”

Her hands trembled as she held my face.

“Our lady’s face… what do we do? What do we do? Her hair, her hands—”

Her voice shook with panic and tears.

Strangely, her distress brought me back to reality.

I’m here. I’m in the present. I’m home.

Safe, like an egg in a nest.

Finally, I came back to my senses.

I lifted my right hand—to reassure her.

“Ah—”

A sharp pain shot through me, forcing me to double over.

Oh. That’s right. I hit Bern with everything I had.

I must have hurt my elbow.

Even though everything was a mess, I suddenly felt like laughing.