Chapter 02
Finally, Raina collapsed in Bern’s arms, crying endlessly.
“I’m sorry. But I love Bern too much. I can’t leave. I can’t live without him. I love him so, so much.”
As Raina sobbed, apologizing for her feelings, her husband held her as if she were precious, as if he pitied her. But to me, it felt like I was watching someone else’s story.
An overly emotional, messy, third-rate romance novel.
A disaster of a story that still somehow seemed to have a happy ending.
The only one left miserable was the foolish, greedy villainess who stood in the way of their “true love.”
And pathetically enough, that villainess was me.
I had been dreaming of something impossible from the very beginning. He only married me to use me as a shield.
It wasn’t because he wavered. It wasn’t because he had even the slightest affection for me.
It was all for Raina. For his love.
The realization struck me like a dagger. A cruel truth that tore my soul apart.
For the first time, I felt truly broken.
I lost consciousness. My memory blurred. But I knew one thing—on my way home, lost in despair, I had an accident.
The carriage overturned. I was thrown out and collapsed on the cold ground.
Was this the villain’s tragic end?
But to my surprise, I went back in time.
Back to before my marriage. To the days when I was nervous but still hopeful, preparing for my wedding.
My face in the mirror was young and untouched by hardship.
My eyes trembled as I whispered,
“…This must be a lie.”
Since childhood, I was taught to do everything myself and to think for myself.
“Don’t rely on others. Know your place.”
Because of that, I never learned how to be honest, to ask for help, or to act sweetly.
I thought it was natural. Until I met Raina.
I believed that relying on someone was weak and that it meant running away from my responsibilities.
So I always did everything on my own. Even when my home life crumbled, even when my husband never came back to me, I thought I could handle it alone.
Though, in the end, he despised me for that very reason.
But I had already paid the price for my choices.
No—more than enough.
That’s why, without guilt, I calmly said,
“I want to cancel this marriage. No, I must cancel it.”
I startled myself. Husband?
Bern was no longer my husband.
Saying that out loud made me realize—those years were not just a bad dream. The nightmare was real.
Just like how I still called him my husband out of habit.
My father, his silver-gray eyes stern, looked down at me.
“You already call him your husband. You’re in quite a hurry. But what’s this sudden change of heart? If it’s because he doesn’t seem affectionate enough, that’s normal for men before marriage.
Once the wedding is over, he’ll settle down. You’re mature enough to overlook it.”
I shook my head. Then, looking my father straight in the eye, I spoke firmly,
“No, Father. This marriage is hopeless.
He was already like this before we were even married. It won’t get better.
And he has no intention of leaving Raina. I was wrong, Father. This marriage will never work.”
I was the one who had asked for this marriage first. I knew breaking it off wouldn’t be easy.
So, I slowly knelt.
“Father, please. I don’t want to live in hell. Get me out of this. I’ll do whatever else you ask.”
My father, shocked, removed his glasses and walked toward me—his long coat swaying with urgency.
“What’s going on, Carmilla? Stand up.”
But I stayed kneeling, looking up at him, pleading.
“I mean it, Father. Every time I meet him, I realize more and more that I’ll never win his heart. Please… break this engagement.”
My father looked deeply shaken. His usually unreadable gray eyes wavered.
It was understandable.
I had never been a troublesome daughter.
During my debutante season, when I was sick, and even during my rebellious years—I had always handled things alone.
When learning how to manage a household, I pushed myself beyond my limits but never asked for help.
I never complained. I only showed my parents that I was doing well.
I didn’t want to be a burden.
Because of that, I had grown into someone who didn’t know how to ask for anything.
And I never thought that was a bad thing.
It was natural to take care of my problems.
But this time, I couldn’t endure it.
I couldn’t walk into that hell again.
Finally, my father took a step back.
“I will consider it. But this isn’t just your decision. It involves both families. Go back to your room.”
I hadn’t gotten a clear answer, but I understood. My father was cautious.
For now, just showing my determination was enough.
But I underestimated him.
My mother was difficult in a different way. She spent most of her time resting in the countryside or locked in prayer.
Whenever she did appear, she was cold and distant.
The day after my conversation with Father, she came to my room and firmly stated,
“There’s no such thing as a happy marriage.
If you’re going to break the engagement just because your fiancé has a mistress, then no marriage would ever last.”
I bit my lip.
I hated my past self—the foolish girl who rushed into this engagement, blind with love.
But I met my mother’s gaze and said calmly,
“…Maybe there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, but there are marriages that aren’t hell.
Mother, if this were a purely political match, I’d accept it. But I loved him. That’s why I can’t do this.
Even if you call it childish, let me be selfish this one time.
I’ve never asked you for anything before.
Just this once… let me rely on you.”
I clenched my fists. If I stepped back now, I would be swallowed by my past again.
I forced my voice to stay steady, but it trembled.
That past—that place—was still alive, waiting to pull me back in.
If I made one wrong move, I’d be trapped there again.
Just the thought made my hands go cold.
Should I kneel again? Cry? Scream?
Would I have to beg, holding onto her dress?
If that’s what it took, I was ready.
But then…
My mother took a step back.
She looked at me as if startled.
Her lips pressed together in hesitation.
“…Mother?”
I reached out, only to notice my hand trembling.
Had I been so shaken all this time?
Quickly, I pulled my hand back, watching her closely.
She seemed like she wanted to say something but instead turned away.
Without another word, without another scolding, she left the room.
I collapsed onto the floor, exhausted.
I had thought I would be dragged back into that nightmare.
I didn’t know why she left so suddenly.
But I felt like I had just been pulled back from the edge of a cliff.
A maid rushed in.
“My lady!”
Seeing my pale face, she choked up.
“I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have said anything… If I hadn’t told you about the rumors…”
I finally remembered—Lysdel.
She was the one who first told me about Raina.
Back then, I had dismissed her, even though she was only trying to help.
I placed my hand gently on her head, stroking her hair.
“It’s alright. If anything, I was the cruel one. You only told me the truth, and I ignored you.”
Her eyes widened before filling with tears.
“My lady…”
She had suffered a lot.
I wiped her tears, though they kept falling.
“I ruined your engagement… I thought I had committed an unforgivable sin…”
I gave a small, bitter smile.
“No, Lysdel. Telling the truth isn’t a crime. I was the one who refused to see it.”
I had been selfish.
But maybe… pain had finally made me grow.
And this time, I had a chance to change my fate.
