As he said, her heart was beating rapidly, but it was hard to discern the cause.
Was it really because of the lie, or…
“Um, well…”
Kisa awkwardly lowered her head and avoided his gaze. She wanted to pull her wrist away, but it wasn’t easy.
If she were to shake off his hand here and now, it might look like she was getting angry despite being the one who lied, and things might become awkward between them.
“……”
“……”
Since both remained silent, stillness settled over the spring-filled garden. She swallowed dryly. She needed to say something quickly, but once she missed the timing to respond, it became difficult to open her mouth.
Ah, even Seyard’s nail shapes are so neat, Kisa thought irrelevantly while looking at his thumb resting on the vein running along the inside of her wrist. As if escaping from reality.
How much time had passed? Seyard withdrew his hand first.
“I’m sorry.”
He apologized with a somewhat embarrassed expression.
“I was trying to lighten the mood with a joke, but it seems it wasn’t funny.”
“…Oh, it was a joke?”
“Yes, because you looked quite bored.”
“No! I wasn’t bored at all!”
Kisa unconsciously pressed against the table and stood up abruptly.
“I should be the one apologizing. Just now, it’s true that I wasn’t focusing on Seyard’s story. But it definitely wasn’t because I was bored. Rather, it was quite interesting.”
Her voice gradually grew quieter.
“It’s just that I…I didn’t sleep well last night, so my concentration is a bit… Please believe me. Anyway, I’m sorry for getting lost in thought after asking you to tell me.”
Seyard consoled Kisa as she rambled before ending with an apology.
“It’s really alright, Kisa. This is usually when spring fever is at its worst, isn’t it?”
“…Thank you for saying that.”
He was truly someone who knew how to be considerate of others. A calmer Kisa sat back down, and Seyard took a sip of his portion of black tea.
“I shouldn’t have made such a strange joke in the first place. I should have known better, but only realized it after seeing your expression earlier.”
“What was my expression like?”
“Like a pitiful person enduring questioning from an inquisitor of heresy, I’d say.”
“Aren’t you exaggerating?”
“It’s true. You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”
“That’s, how should I put it…”
“I understand. You must have been afraid of me.”
“……”
Her heart dropped and she looked at him. Afraid? Could it be that he thought Kisa had recalled the legend of the ominous twins and avoided him because of that?
“It’s understandable when an adult man suddenly grabs your wrist. Embarrassingly, I misjudged our closeness thinking we had become quite friendly.”
However, fortunately, there was no such indication on his face as he continued speaking calmly.
It seems she had jumped to conclusions, feeling guilty about her wandering thoughts from earlier. Somehow, when with Seyard, there were oddly tense moments that would come just when she thought she’d forgotten about them.
In any case, it was fortunate. Inwardly relieved, Kisa shook her head.
“Not at all. I wasn’t afraid of Seyard.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, I was just caught off guard by the unexpected situation, and I felt embarrassed about being caught with my mind elsewhere.”
“That’s a relief then.”
“But, um. More than that.”
She asked about something that had been bothering her for a while.
“What did you mean when you said it was a joke? Don’t tell me about my pulse racing…”
“That was a lie.”
He smiled gently and placed his index finger on his own wrist.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have such an ability. Even doing this, I can’t feel anything.”
Momentarily at a loss for words at this sight, Kisa listened as Seyard shared his experience.
“One of the monks I knew would often detect people’s lies this way. Whether it was really because their hearts beat faster when they lied, or if he had some other method, I don’t know, but he was someone who could see through people’s hearts. Once, a young monk who had recently joined the monastery, harboring resentment after being scolded by him…”
His life at the monastery? Apart from being interesting, she wondered if it was alright to hear about it.
Worried that he might be forcing himself to recall painful memories, she watched him, and Seyard stopped his story and gave her a meaningful look.
“You’re probably worried about me.”
“…You really are like Seyard after all.”
“Me?”
“The person who accurately sees through others’ hearts.”
No matter how she thought about it, it wasn’t the monk in his story but this uncannily perceptive man.
“Well, when you hesitate and watch my reaction every time the topic of the monastery comes up, it’s hard not to notice.”
“I-I guess it was quite obvious.”
“You’re just too considerate.”
A moment later, he removed the smile from his face and assumed a serious expression.
“I appreciate your concern, but you don’t need to be so mindful. Actually, I’m more comfortable when you treat me normally.”
His gaze swept across the beautiful garden scenery as if swimming through the streams of memory.
“The time I spent at the monastery certainly wasn’t entirely pleasant. Though I can talk about it casually now, I was once a rebel full of discontent with the world. Despite being just another mouth to feed, I frequently caused trouble.”
It was impossible to imagine given who he was now. To think that Seyard had been a troublemaking rebel.
Yet somehow, it was also reassuring in a way. Even he, who seemed perfect, was human after all.
“But that’s all in the past now. I’m trying my best to shake off old grudges and focus only on the present and future.”
His right hand on the table formed a fist.
“…Besides, my parents, whom I resented so much, passed away several years ago, and now even my sibling is gone from this world. What good would it do to keep harboring resentment?”
Suddenly, this thought occurred to her: Perhaps he too was taking time to let go of old emotions. Just like Kisa, who hadn’t yet been able to make Daniel completely a person of the past.
The reason Seyard could read her concerns at a glance wasn’t because he possessed some ability to see through people’s hearts like that monk, nor was it simply because he had read many books as he claimed.
It was simply because it was his own story.
For some reason, thinking this way caused a warm feeling to spread through Kisa’s chest. It made him feel even more human, just like herself.
In truth, up until now, she had several times gotten the impression that Seyard was so perfect he hardly seemed human.
A superhuman who was intelligent and kind, bold and of excellent lineage, yet never looked down on others carelessly, and could empathize even with the feelings of the flawed while being flawless himself.
But that wasn’t it. While Seyard Hillan was certainly an extraordinary person, he was someone who had pain, had things he couldn’t do, sometimes made awkward jokes, and even told perfect lies.
And there was likely much more to his human side that Kisa didn’t know about. She wanted to know. For some reason, she found herself harboring such a wish.
“Um, Seyard.”
“Yes.”
“If it’s not too presumptuous, and if it won’t be painful for you, could you tell me more? About how you spent your time at the monastery.”
His reddish-brown eyes widened slightly.
“And… though it’s shameless of me, I’d also like to hear the story I missed earlier because I was lost in thought. I’ll listen properly this time.”
He was silent for a moment before speaking.
“Well… Except for a few anecdotes, it probably won’t be interesting to you.”
For a moment, when a shadow crossed his face, she thought he was refusing, but Seyard’s words weren’t finished.
“If those few anecdotes would suffice, I’d be happy to tell you.”
“Thank you! That’s more than enough!”
“In that case, shall we start with the story I couldn’t finish earlier… is what I’d like to say.”
After checking the time on his pocket watch from his coat pocket, he made a troubled face.
“Unfortunately, it’s already gotten this late. I have other appointments today, so I’m afraid I’ll have to leave now.”
Come to think of it, the sun had already moved considerably westward. Kisa hurriedly apologized.
“I-I’m so sorry. You took the time to visit, and all you did was listen to my troubles. What should I-”
“No, no. It’s fine. I actually came today with the purpose of talking with you.”
“With me? But I thought you had matters to discuss with Father…”
“That was merely secondary. My main purpose was to see how my fiancée was doing and briefly confirm your opinion on something.”
“Opinion about what?”
“About when to announce our engagement to the public. We’re planning to hold a banquet at the Hillan duchy in about a month to commemorate my succession to the title. Would it be alright to announce it then?”
I nodded readily.
“Of course that’s fine with me.”
“Excellent. I look forward to standing beside you in public for the first time.”
…How should one respond to such a romantic statement?
Honestly, if it were anyone but Seyard, she would have thought they either had ulterior motives or were simply being courteous as gentlemen typically are with ladies.
However, this man’s attitude was too straightforward to be ulterior motives, too weighty to be mere courtesy, and that confused Kisa.
“It’s just… politeness.”
Kisa muttered as she watched the departing carriage. Regardless of him being a good person, there was no room in her heart to accept someone new.
