“Episode 28”
“She was a bit of a nag, to be honest.”
Although it was something Bethany’s mother had said for Bethany’s sake, Diana felt as if a knot in her chest was loosening. It felt as though she was being told to believe in herself. Not to be afraid. Diana found comfort in someone else’s words.
‘Come to think of it, I…’
I was scared. Hearing Bethany’s words, she finally understood why she had been feeling so unusually lethargic lately, with her mind consumed only by thoughts of divorce and nothing else.
That’s why Diana repeated Bethany’s words to herself several times. Like chanting a mantra, she clung to her words.
“Did I say something unnecessary? I just thought it might help you, Your Grace….”
Bethany, who seemed quite anxious after speaking, hastily added to her words. But Diana just smiled at her.
“No, it’s not that. I’ve been feeling a bit stuck lately, but thanks to you, I feel a bit refreshed.”
“Your Grace is truly kind. Anyone else might have scolded me….”
“Rather, you’ve helped me. Well then, I’ll be on my way.”
Diana’s face was much brighter and softer than before.
“Oh! Are you leaving? The head of the orphanage will be here soon….”
“Don’t worry. I’ll come back another time. And here.”
Diana took a pouch from her bosom and handed it to Bethany.
“What is this….”
“It’s a donation. Please deliver it to the head of the orphanage.”
“Yes! But is it alright for you to entrust me with this?”
Already standing up from the bench, Diana nodded at Bethany, who seemed to doubt her own reliability.
“Even if there were any ill intentions, there’s nothing I can do. I’d just have to blame it on trusting you too much.”
“Oh…!”
“So make sure to deliver it properly. I’ll definitely check on it next time.”
Recalling her younger days, when she longed for friends of her own age, Diana smiled brightly at Bethany.
After parting with Bethany, who gave her such a sense of ease, Diana returned to the carriage. The children at the orphanage waved enthusiastically at her. Have they come to trust her to some extent? The same went for Bethany, who was with the children. They all looked happier than ever, and as a result, Diana felt more at ease.
“Your Grace, shall we return to the duchy?”
“No, Beta. Let’s stop by the temple today.”
“The Temple of Brienna?”
Beta asked naturally, and Diana nodded.
“You know it well.”
“Yes, I confirmed that you believe in the Brienna faith, Your Grace.”
“I see.”
Responding lightly, Diana watched the orphanage fade into the distance as the carriage began to move.
‘As Bethany said… don’t fear failure. I thought my life was a failure, and I thought I lost my child because of that failure, but in the end, the child comes back. It’s not a failure… just a wrong path taken.’
The more she thought about it, the more these thoughts took root in her mind. And those roots seemed to clear the frustration one by one, guiding her on the path she should take.
“Your Grace, it looks like we’ve arrived.”
And then, belatedly regaining her composure, Diana looked out the window. Although nothing seemed to have changed, the pristine white marble walls of the temple’s exterior appeared exceptionally clean.
“This is my first time here.”
As if on cue, Beta also glanced out the window.
“It’s common to only visit the temple of one’s own deity. Then Beta, stay here. I’ll go in alone.”
“Are you sure you don’t need me to accompany you?”
“As you can see, it’s quite a small space.”
“…Understood!”
Beta seemed to hesitate for a moment but nodded just as the carriage door opened. Diana, feeling at ease, stepped into the temple. Just as she entered, the priests, as if expecting her, stopped what they were doing and hurried over to her.
“You’ve arrived!”
“We’ve been expecting you.”
Seeing their bright smiles, Diana nodded. Watching the two priests with satisfaction, the head priest of the Brienna Temple approached her belatedly.
“You’ve come.”
“Yes, I wish to pray today as well.”
“Please, feel free to use the prayer room. We’ve prepared it for you.”
Indeed, the prayer room they arrived at under the head priest’s guidance was spotless, with new chairs and freshly wallpapered walls.
“Did you start by renovating this place?”
“Yes. A temple exists because of its believers.”
I had hoped for something else. To indulge in delicious food, to change the worn-out priestly robes, and to replace the shoes that seemed like they could fall apart any moment. But to start with the prayer room… There probably weren’t many believers left besides herself.
“Still…”
“It’s alright, Lady Diana. All the priests agreed to this.”
Diana, who was about to argue, sighed deeply and nodded.
“Understood.”
“And we have no intention of burdening you, Lady Diana.”
“…I understand. I’ll go pray now.”
“Yes. The deity loves you, Lady Diana.”
At those words, Diana showed a bitter smile and settled down in the prayer room.
‘The deity loves me… It’s true, yet it’s hard to hear.’
If the deity hadn’t loved her, she wouldn’t have come back to life. She wouldn’t have had to endure living again with those painful memories and losing her child so helplessly. Diana bit her lip and then closed her eyes once more.
And as if waiting for her to arrive, Brienna’s voice echoed in her mind the moment she closed her eyes.
‘My beloved child. The one to whom I have given life and have seen every path of your existence.’
In the past, Diana would have scrutinized each word of the deity’s voice, searching for hidden meanings, but now she felt that wasn’t necessary.
‘If you respond so easily, why don’t you answer the priests who believe in you so fervently?’
She voiced the first doubt that came to her mind. It felt strange that the deity’s voice was so readily available as if waiting for her. And at her question, the deity was silent for a long time.
‘Will you not answer again?’
‘…Do not utter unnecessary words. Just focus on yourself. Simply do as I command.’
Diana had always thought of the deity as great. She believed Brienna, who had become a deity in human form, was especially deserving of reverence. That’s why, despite everyone’s objections, she believed and followed the deity. But the voice of the deity in her ear was neither great nor respectable. It reminded her all too much of her own father.
