“Episode 13”
“I’ll ask you twice. I want to be alone, so please leave.”
With those words, she nodded twice and hurriedly left. Her orange hair, reminiscent of the sunset, faded into the distance. Only then did Diana relax her stiffened posture.
“So, this is happening.”
She was afraid. Despite deciding not to live as before, the fear of the unknown still lingered. Fear enveloped her. Her heart pounded, and sweat dripped from her tightly clenched hands to hide her tension.
“I couldn’t do something so simple all this time. Like a fool. What was I trying to achieve? Why did I want to endure it here?”
Deciding to change was easy. Diana suddenly realized how much she had blinded herself.
“I always thought the gods… couldn’t help. But this change was because of Briana’s god. She said her god would let her meet her child again. So…”
“Now I can live…”
Finally, the world looked different. The world that hadn’t changed despite numerous deaths had finally changed. It was a small miracle brought about by her determination to live. It was so ridiculous that Diana couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh, realizing how easily she could have changed and yet hadn’t even tried.
She was preparing to finally escape from the solid cage she had created for herself.
***
As time passed, the day of the orphanage visit approached. Excited at the thought of visiting the orphanage after a long time, Diana happily gathered the necessary items and spent a pleasant time.
Knock, knock.
“Yes?”
“Bima, it’s time.”
After that day, Bima’s attitude changed drastically. She started knocking on the door regularly. It was the first step of that change.
“Come in.”
Finally, Bima entered the room. Now, she only entered with Diana’s permission. Her expression was different from before.
An expression with utmost courtesy. But Diana couldn’t help but notice that it was forced. Despite that, she met Bima’s eyes willingly as she entered the room and stood in front of her.
“Is there a reason for the Matron to visit me? You seem quite busy.”
“Because it’s the Matron’s order, I thought it was appropriate for me to deliver it personally.”
Was she here for that? Diana chuckled and looked into her eyes.
“What about Mother?”
“The Matron wishes to see you, Bima.”
“I’m unable to go due to poor health.”
“Are you saying you won’t see her?”
With Diana’s visibly changed demeanor, Bima quickly asked.
“If that’s the case.”
With a firm tone, Bima felt assured. Diana wouldn’t go, no matter what happened. She wasn’t the Diana who would do anything to be loved by everyone in the Ducal family, even if she didn’t know what to do when she heard the word ‘Hysteria.’ Instinctively sensing that, Bima pressed her lips tightly together.
“I will inform her.”
“The orphanage children will receive plenty of support for basic items. So… something more practical might be better.”
This time, she arranged the items like last time, but she wanted to decide on the next item herself. A collection of good clothes and toys didn’t seem so appealing to her.
“Orphanage children would prefer clothes that come in various sizes and are easy to launder over fancy ones.”
As Diana entertained such thoughts, she realized she was smiling. A mother who couldn’t properly bear a child had no right to smile or even have emotions. Her instincts didn’t betray any emotions either. But the emotions she had buried deep inside burst forth naturally, like flowers blooming in spring. Diana touched her face with her hands.
A faint smile spread across her dry, stone-like face.
“I… I actually… I like visiting the orphanage. I… I liked the children.”
As she said that, Diana moved her pen slowly. She had thoughtlessly brushed off Lycio’s words, thinking she had treated him casually. But it wasn’t like that.
Once she realized her true feelings, Diana recalled Lycio’s subtle words. His words about not being able to go to Count Anzorea’s estate if she left here.
“I never intended to go there from the beginning, but… if I were to leave later with the child… what should I do?”
If she divorced, there would be nothing left. Her relatives wouldn’t accept her either. Even though she never intended to go, thinking about it brought up various concerns.
Around this time, Diana felt a slight sense of regret. Should she have sold one of the gifts Lycio gave her to make a living? She rubbed her lips against her thin stomach.
“In the end, the child came back…”
What should she do to live with the child?
“But… is it my child? Or is it another form? I still don’t know.”
Seeing her instinctively wanting to go to the orphanage, perhaps she might not even get to live there and might meet a dead child. With those thoughts in mind, Diana moved her pen again.
The quietness of her room, which she had spent alone, was disturbed by someone after a long time.
Suddenly, darkness fell upon the world.
Having finished her tasks, Diana was looking out the window. The unusually bright moonlight filled the room, and around that time, there was a knock on the door.
Knock, knock.
“Is it Mother?”
Contrary to her expectation that there would be an immediate response, the knocking came quite late, so Diana slowly shifted her gaze towards the door.
Since she said she wouldn’t go see her mother, could it be someone who came to find her personally? But Lady Duchess Hysteria had made it clear that Diana was never allowed to seek her out. In that case, could it be the steward coming again? With such thoughts, Diana stared at the door without saying anything.
“It’s me. Diana.”
“Come in.”
It was Lycio.
Surprised by the unexpected arrival of someone, Diana quickly opened her mouth. At her answer, the door opened. He came into the room without a word, wearing the conquering look he wore after his activities outside.
”
“….”
There was no initiative to speak first as before. Instead, he simply sat down beside Diana, who was sitting by the window.
“What brings you here?”
