If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Daryl had a serious expression as if he was concentrating. It had been a long time since she had looked into his eyes from such a close distance. Surely, it was the first time since that day in the Duke’s library….

 

The hand that was wiping Eleanor’s face suddenly stopped. The two of them stared at each other as if they were possessed. It was not just a simple embarrassment or shyness, but a different kind of heat that was enveloping Eleanor’s body.

 

Daryl put down the handkerchief and slowly reached out to Eleanor’s cheek. Eleanor lowered her eyes slightly, but did not avoid his touch. Daryl’s large hand completely covered one side of Eleanor’s face. When Eleanor looked up at him with a shy gaze, the light in Daryl’s eyes deepened for a moment.

 

Soon, Daryl brought his face closer to Eleanor’s. Eleanor closed her eyes.

 

Eventually, Daryl kissed Eleanor. His lips were not as hot as she had expected. Surely, it was because her body temperature had risen as well.

 

‘Not again….’

 

Eleanor thought dazedly. Kissing Daryl made her head feel empty. It was as if he had completely taken control of her body, and she couldn’t feel anything except for their lips touching.

 

Daryl nibbled and licked Eleanor’s lips before gently opening them and entering her mouth. Although she had experienced it once before, it still felt unfamiliar and strange to her. His warm and slippery flesh explored every corner of her mouth.

 

She involuntarily became short of breath, and her throat became dry.

 

“Umm….”

 

She didn’t even realize that she had let out a moan. Daryl wrapped his other hand around Eleanor’s head and stroked it.

 

“Eleanor….”

 

When he called her name, she felt a tingling sensation deep inside her body. Daryl pulled Eleanor tightly into his embrace. Perhaps it was because they were wet from the rain, but his body felt more vivid and solid than before.

 

Daryl’s hand, which had been supporting the back of her head, moved down her neck and caressed her back. It felt like a thrilling sensation, almost like getting goosebumps. Daryl kissed Eleanor’s lips, then her cheek, and her ear, and then naturally descended down her neck.

 

When Daryl’s lips touched the sensitive skin of her neck, Eleanor felt a sensation she had never experienced before. Unconsciously, she held her breath and tensed her shoulders.

 

“D-Daryl… Ah…!”

 

Daryl kissed along the gentle curve from her neck to her shoulder as if marking her. She felt really strange. She felt like she might lose herself at this rate.

 

“N-No…”

 

Eleanor tightly closed her eyes.

 

“We can’t before marriage…!”

 

Daryl’s movements paused at her words.

 

He pulled away from Eleanor, his eyes wide open.

 

“What did you just say?”

 

“…….”

 

Why did she say that? She knew it was a completely absurd and nonsensical thing to say, but she couldn’t understand why those words had come out.

 

Blushing deeply, Eleanor lowered her head. It was definitely because of Daryl. Because he had kissed her there, it felt so strange…

 

“Eleanor.”

 

“……”

 

“Do you… have any thoughts about marrying me?”

 

Daryl asked in a trembling voice.

 

“……”

 

Eleanor couldn’t give any answer. In fact, she had never seriously thought about it. She had realized that she loved Daryl and had decided to accept him….but she had never thought concretely about their future together.

 

Until now, she had been happy just to be able to spend time with Daryl when he came down to Wembury like this. There were moments when she felt that it was enough to be together, looking at each other and laughing, hearing their laughter overlapping, despite the difference in their status.

 

But it wouldn’t be enough. There was definitely a desire for more inside her. She had realized it the moment she and Daryl had just kissed and their lips had parted.

 

If Eleanor remained silent, Daryl would surely interpret it as a rejection. Then, they could go back to their ambiguous relationship. This kiss, which made her whole body melt, might never happen again.

 

But even though she knew this, it wasn’t easy to pull away.

 

All sorts of thoughts swirled in her head. Is it really okay? Will my mother in heaven really forgive me? How will the world accept this? Can we really be happy together?

 

Daryl, who had been silently looking at Eleanor for a moment, moved away from her. It was a feeling of sudden coldness. It felt like she had lived her whole life with this touch, like a child being driven out of a warm cradle for the first time, an indescribable sense of loss enveloped her whole body.

 

But the next words that flowed from Daryl’s lips were completely different from what Eleanor had expected.

 

“Miss Eleanor Townsend.”

 

When she looked up, she saw Daryl kneeling in front of her, one knee on the ground.

 

In his hand was a small jewelry box she had never seen before. When Daryl opened the box, there was a surprisingly large diamond ring inside. The dazzlingly radiant light of the ring made Eleanor momentarily speechless.

 

“Please marry me.”

 

It wasn’t a question. It was an unexpected and uncharacteristic statement from Daryl, who always carefully asked for Eleanor’s consent for everything.

 

“What… When did this…?”

 

Even though her words were disjointed and without context, Daryl seemed to understand their meaning.

 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve carried it. I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to propose to you, to ask you to be my wife. I’ve been promising myself on the train to Wembury every time, ‘This time for sure.’ But I couldn’t. Every time I saw the way you looked at me, every time I heard the words you said to me, I thought we might have the same feelings, but I couldn’t be sure. I knew from the beginning that I didn’t deserve it. Only you can give me that right. If I misread it, if I ruin our miraculous relationship with my selfishness, what will I do… It wasn’t easy for me to gather the courage because of that thought.”

 

“……”

 

“Eleanor. Please. Look into my eyes. Assure me. That I’m not wrong…”

 

“…….”

 

Eleanor slowly looked up at Daryl.

 

A slow smile spread across Daryl’s lips. It was that warm smile that Eleanor loved so much, the one that made her forget all the past.

 

“Marry me, Eleanor. Be my wife again. This time, without any contracts, without any deadlines. Be with me for the rest of our lives. You don’t even have to answer. Just nod your head a little…No, just don’t avoid my eyes. Then I’ll take that as your agreement…”

 

At his fervent words, Eleanor felt her eyes grow warm with tears.

 

As tears welled up in Eleanor’s eyes, Daryl’s expression gradually darkened.

 

Eleanor quickly shook her head. It wasn’t tears of that kind. But as if interpreting it in a different way, Daryl’s face became even paler.

 

“….No, Daryl. It’s not like that.”

 

“….?”

 

Daryl looked at Eleanor with a puzzled and desperate expression. It was so absurd that she couldn’t help but laugh. But she had no intention of letting him misunderstand for long. There was no need for misunderstandings between them anymore.

 

“I’m crying because I’m happy, moved. Okay, Daryl. Let’s get married. For real, as you said, no contracts this time.”

 

Daryl’s pupils shook gently.

 

“….Is it really? Are you really…marrying me?”

 

Overwhelmed with emotion, Eleanor nodded her head without speaking. The jewelry box slipped from Daryl’s hand. Despite Eleanor’s surprised exclamation, he hugged her tightly.

 

“Thank you, Eleanor. Thank you so much. I love you. I will never…never make you suffer again. Never because of me, or… anything else. I will make you happy. More than any other woman in the world, very happy…”

 

“……”

 

Tears streamed down Eleanor’s eyes. She also hugged Daryl tightly.

 

They held each other like that for so long. In no time, the heavy rain also stopped, until the sun, which had temporarily left, reappeared from the clouds.