If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Logically, there was nothing to worry about. Who would refuse a wife who wants to go out on her mother’s anniversary? Most likely, Daryl would let her go. But she was afraid that he might say something unnecessary.

 

She was okay with being ridiculed. She was used to it. But if her mother was the target, she wouldn’t be able to stand it. The mere thought was horrifying.

 

She didn’t dislike Daryl as much in the past. She knew he was like that and thought she would become indifferent. But recently, she even avoided facing him.

 

It wasn’t just because Daryl had said harsh words to Eleanor countless times. It was more because she had once hoped and got hurt. She had told herself not to hope countless times, but the heart she ended up harboring hurt even more.

 

‘…If he had been consistent from the beginning, this wouldn’t have happened.’

 

He had been nice to her recently. He made a gallery, bought the painting she liked…So she must have been mistaken. He prepared a necklace with the same color as her eyes around her birthday…

 

The image of the singer named Esmeralda wearing that necklace and smiling at Daryl suddenly came to mind. Eleanor closed her eyes tightly.

 

‘Don’t think about it. It’s a thing of the past. It’s only 3 months now. Only 3 months left…’

 

She thought this mother’s anniversary might be the last hurdle of this marriage. If she could get through this, she could spend the last 3 months comfortably, without crossing paths with Daryl, as she had for the past month.

 

Thinking so, she felt a little brave.

 

‘Yes, this will be the last. I won’t have to ask Daryl for anything anymore.’

 

Eleanor thought she could do it. For her mother, she had to.

 

****

 

Daryl was in his office when there was a knock on the door. Soon, Herbert came in and said,

 

“Sir. Madam wishes to see you.”

 

The moment he heard it, Daryl couldn’t believe his ears. How long has it been since Eleanor sought Daryl first? It seemed like it had been months since they had a proper conversation.

 

“…What does she want to see me for?”

 

“I don’t know that. She just said she has something to tell you.”

 

What could she possibly want to talk about? In fact, there was no need to convey her intentions through Herbert like this. She knew where Daryl was, so she could just come and talk to him. It was a matter between a husband and wife, so was this procedure necessary because it was such an important matter, or simply because she was avoiding him.

 

“…Tell her to come in.”

 

“Understood.”

 

Herbert turned to leave, then turned back.

 

“Master. Take this opportunity to have a good conversation.”

 

“…..”

 

The look in his eyes, staring at Herbert without a word, seemed to say to stop the nonsense. But even that looked more exhausted than sharp, hurting Herbert’s heart.

 

Soon, Eleanor entered the office.

 

It was the same Eleanor he always saw in the morning and evening, with an indifferent and calm expression. Even the way she avoided eye contact with Daryl was the same.

 

“You said you had something to talk about.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“……”

 

Eleanor hesitated strangely. Daryl felt a strange sense of unease in his heart.

 

“I’d like to visit my hometown next Tuesday.”

 

The words Eleanor finally uttered were different from any of the various imaginations Daryl had in that short time.

 

“For what reason?”

 

Eleanor hesitated again in her answer. Her slightly furrowed brow looked as if she was lost in some difficult dilemma.

 

“…It will only take half a day. I’ll be back before it gets late.”

 

“……”

 

When Eleanor avoided answering, another suspicion arose in his mind.

 

‘Is she going to meet that guy again?’

 

Although it seemed like a ridiculous thought, once the suspicion arose, it was not easy to shake off. When Layla said she would go horseback riding with Eleanor, he didn’t expect Benjamin to be there.

 

Layla said it was her invitation, but what’s the reason for that in the first place? Horseback riding is just an excuse, and how can he not know if she helped them meet alone at Eleanor’s request.

 

Even now, it was the same. Was there a need to hide the reason for going to her hometown? They could also meet at home under the pretext of selling a painting.

 

The more he thought about it, the more convincing that suspicion became in Daryl. From months ago, he was already in a state where he couldn’t think clearly about anything related to Eleanor.

 

“Why can’t you tell me the reason?”

 

“…..”

Elinor’s complexion turned grim slightly. In Daryl’s eyes, even that seemed to support his suspicion.

 

“If you don’t tell me the reason, I can’t allow it.”

 

At that, Eleanor bit her lip slightly.

 

“…It’s my mother’s anniversary.”

 

“……”

 

“It’s my mother’s anniversary, so I want to visit her grave and offer flowers. That’s all.”

 

“……”

 

“I only need one day. I haven’t asked you for much… Please allow me this time. I won’t ask for this again.”

 

In front of Eleanor’s plea, Daryl felt a sense of despair. How did she see him normally that she had to ask so desperately to go out on her mother’s anniversary?

 

If she had told him the reason from the beginning, he would have said yes without a word. It was only because she tried to hide it that he had no choice but to suspect. And what does it mean that she won’t ask for this again…

 

What hurt Daryl the most was that even after hearing the reason, his suspicion didn’t completely disappear. If there was such a clear excuse, there was no need to hide it.

 

It seemed unlikely that Eleanor would lie about her mother’s anniversary, but it wasn’t strange to want someone to be with her on such a day. She might want a man to offer flowers together at the grave and lend her his shoulder when she cries.

 

Thinking so, a strong jealousy close to anger surged up. If Eleanor wanted such a man, the one who should be by her side was Daryl. Not Benjamin or anyone else, but himself, Eleanor’s husband.

 

“Then I’ll go with you.”

 

“…What?”

 

At Daryl’s impulsive words, Eleanor looked surprised. The reaction as if it was an impossible thing twisted his insides even more.

 

“Why, is there a reason I can’t go?”

 

“……”

 

“It’s not strange for a husband to accompany his wife on her mother’s death anniversary. Even if that’s not the case, I can’t let a married woman go out alone… Especially you, you’re not well, so someone needs to be with you.”

 

“If it’s for that reason, Emily alone is enough. I know you’re very busy, so there’s no need to bother…”

 

“There’s nothing going on that day, so it’s fine. I’ve decided to do it, so don’t say anything more.”

 

“……”

 

Eleanor’s complexion darkened slightly. She couldn’t understand why Daryl was acting like this. It was clear from the atmosphere that there was something he didn’t like. It didn’t seem like he wanted to go with her to commemorate her mother purely.

 

From the beginning, Daryl had no intention of doing so. Just like Eleanor, her mother was nothing more than a thorn in his side.

 

She hated the thought. She didn’t feel comfortable at all thinking that Daryl would be with her when she visited her mother’s grave and when she met her old servants again.

 

What if Daryl continues to behave arrogantly as usual on that day? She didn’t think she could stand him treating her people and herself disrespectfully in front of them.

 

Nevertheless, Eleanor didn’t want to argue with Daryl any further. She didn’t want to be persistently questioned about the reason, and she wanted to avoid the situation where the permission she had finally received was reversed.

 

“…Okay. Let’s do that.”

 

Eleanor’s face looked as if she had made a very painful decision. Daryl clenched his teeth quietly.

 

“It’s next Tuesday. I want to leave early in the morning, so please take care.”

 

“I told you it’s okay because there’s nothing going on that day. Don’t worry about unnecessary things.”

 

“…”

 

Her face darkened again at his irritated words.

 

Damn it, again. He made her make that face again. Why is he doing this? He certainly didn’t want to see Eleanor’s face like that. Why does it always turn out like this?

 

“…Then I’ll go out now.”

 

After Eleanor left, Daryl took out a bottle of alcohol from the cabinet. He felt like he couldn’t bear it today without drinking.