If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“Please go.”

 

Eleanor tried to close the door. Daryl quickly grabbed the top of the door.

 

“What did you just mean? Don’t pretend to worry? Is that what you say to someone who came on purpose?”

 

“…”

 

Eleanor was silent with her eyes slightly down. Daryl gritted his teeth.

 

“Why are you doing this? If you have something to say, make it clear. Don’t always mumble with words you don’t mean! Do you have something you don’t like about me? So you’ve been protesting since yesterday!”

 

Even though he thought he shouldn’t do this, he couldn’t help but keep raising his voice. Daryl was also frustrated and annoyed. He had done all sorts of things he had never done in his life just thinking about getting along with her, and he couldn’t understand why he had to hear such words.

 

“…There’s nothing.”

 

Eleanor said in a small voice.

 

“What?”

 

“There’s nothing I want to say, nothing I don’t like… Nothing at all. So please… Leave me alone. Please. If you leave me alone, I’ll be fine…”

 

“…”

 

“Let go.”

 

“…”

 

Daryl, who had been glaring at Eleanor with his teeth clenched, finally let go of the door. Eleanor closed the door as if she had been waiting.

 

Bang.

 

That sound, which was neither large nor buried, lingered in Daryl’s ears for a long time and did not leave.

 

After refusing the doctor and other people’s visits and spending a day locked in her room, Eleanor was fine on her own, as she said. From the next day, she got up in the morning and ate, and greeted Daryl when he went out and came in. Of course, even though she was smiling as if nothing was wrong, Daryl knew that it was an empty shell without emotion.

 

It was maddening that he couldn’t figure out why Eleanor was doing this. No matter how much he tried to dig into her, all he got was a cold and insensitive response. It was as if they had gone back to when they first met.

 

When he showed her the gallery he made himself, she thanked him and smiled so brightly. Before going to the palace banquet, she blushed so lovely at one compliment for the new dress she had fitted.

 

Where did it go wrong, really? Was it really his fault? The frustration and bubbling inside him couldn’t be relieved, so the only thing he could cling to was alcohol.

 

Even when Herbert said, “You seem to be drinking too much these days,” he consistently ignored it. He couldn’t sleep without getting drunk, so how could he not drink?

 

And so, July came. The world was full of light and everyone was bustling with energy, but only Daryl was in winter.

 

Then one day, Layla came to Daryl and said,

 

“I want to go horseback riding after a long time.”

 

Daryl squinted at Layla. The wrinkles recently engraved on his forehead never disappeared.

 

“If you want to go, you can go. Since when have you been asking for permission?”

 

At his irritated tone, Layla pouted her lips.

 

“…I want to take Eleanor with me.”

 

At that, the hand that was flipping through the documents stopped.

 

“The horse that Her Majesty the Empress gave as a gift has been hanging out in the stable for months. I can’t stand it because it’s frustrating to see it just brushing its mane or holding the reins and going around the neighborhood at best. Eleanor says she can’t learn horseback riding because she’s afraid you’d be worried. So I came to ask for permission instead.”

 

“…I’m worried, you say? Did Eleanor really say that?”

 

“Yes. Why else would I have come?”

 

Layla spoke with a sullen attitude. Daryl stared at Layla with his eyes narrowed.

 

“But when did you become so close with Eleanor?”

 

“……”

 

At Daryl’s question, Layla made a flinching expression.

 

“I remember you screaming that you could never accept such a woman as your sister-in-law. Even went as far as to lock Eleanor away in a distant room and send back the maid brought from her parents’ house…”

 

“Stop it! When was that, and why are you bringing it up now?”

 

Layla shouted with a red face. Daryl tapped the desk with his index and middle fingers.

 

“I’m just asking when such a dramatic change of heart happened.”

 

“…Anyway, every single word is so annoying. That’s why you’re hated by your wife.”

 

“…What?”

 

At Leila’s muttered words, Daryl hardened his expression.

 

“I didn’t say anything.”

 

Layla turned her head to the side with a sullen expression. Daryl quietly twisted his mouth.

 

“So what are you going to do? Will you allow it, or not?”

 

“…”

 

“Brother. Are you listening to me?”

 

“…Did Eleanor say that?”

 

“Yes?”

 

Layla frowned.

 

“She said I was hateful, did Eleanor tell you that?”

 

“..…”

 

Layla looked at Daryl with an incredulous expression. Daryl was silent, his gaze fixed on a corner of the desk.

 

‘Could it be, this person…’

 

It was the first time she had seen her older brother with such a troubled and tormented expression. He was a person who didn’t shed a single tear even at the funeral of his father and mother. But he was making such childish and ridiculous remarks with that face. As if he were a teenage boy in love for the first time…

 

“…..”

 

She felt complicated. Of course, by now, Layla had fully accepted Eleanor as a family member in her heart. She also acknowledged that she was a really good person and attractive as a woman.

 

Nevertheless, it was strange to see her older brother, who had always ruled as a ruthless tyrant, seemingly completely smitten with her.

 

Layla stared at Daryl for a moment, then let out a quiet sigh.

 

“Do you want to come with us, brother?”

 

“……”

 

At that, Daryl lifted his head.

 

“I’m talking about horseback riding.”

 

“…I understood, so there’s no need to explain.”

 

“You’re not answering, so that’s why.”

 

Daryl was silent for a moment, pressing his temples with one hand.

 

“Fine. You two go and come back.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Anyway, if he says he’s going, Eleanor will probably say she won’t go. He didn’t say that out loud.

 

“But go to a quiet place. Eleanor doesn’t like crowded places.”

 

“I know. We’re going to the Downs Riding Club.”

 

The Duke of Griffith owned several riding clubs, including two racetracks. The riding club in Downs was the closest to the Duke’s mansion.

 

After bowing her waist, Layla turned around and left the office. Daryl called her back just before she left the room.

 

“Layla.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“…Be careful not to get hurt.”

 

At his hesitant words, Layla gave a bitter smile.

 

“Is that for me, or for Eleanor?”

 

“…..”

 

Leila turned her head from side to side and left the room. Daryl reached for the cigar case with a gloomy face.

 

****

 

A few days later, Leila took Eleanor to the Downs Riding Club. Daryl watched through the window as the carriage they were in left the mansion.

 

After that, he couldn’t concentrate on his work. Daryl reached for the bottle of alcohol next to his desk, then turned it back in annoyance. He buried himself in the back of the chair and stared at a point on the wall, then finally got up and left the office.

 

“Herbert. Prepare the carriage.”

 

Daryl left the mansion in a carriage. Of course, the destination was none other than the Downs Riding Club.

 

He hadn’t changed his mind now. It wasn’t because of the shallow calculation that if he suddenly showed up without notice, Eleanor wouldn’t be able to refuse his joining. He just wanted to see Eleanor riding a horse.

 

As Layla said, Eleanor had never ridden the horse given to her by the Empress. She had been locked up in the mansion all along. He thought that seeing her enjoying riding her favorite horse would ease his mind a bit.

 

Soon after, the carriage arrived at the Downs Riding Club. As Daryl had instructed in advance, the riding club was empty without any outside users.

 

Daryl easily found where Eleanor and Layla were. He walked to the shade of a nearby tree and hid himself.

 

Eleanor was already on top of Molstead. Although her expression was full of trembling and anxiety, that was not all. There was definitely a mix of excitement and joy about experiencing something for the first time.

 

It seemed like Layla was showing an example by riding a horse and slowly strolling around. Eleanor nodded earnestly at the words of advice that seemed to be given for a long time. He couldn’t help but smile at her face.

 

Eleanor looked happy. It was a sight he hadn’t shown to Daryl recently. It was a relief that at least she was picking up her spirits in a place where he wasn’t. He even felt grateful to Layla.

 

Thinking that he couldn’t stay here forever and should go soon, he couldn’t easily take his feet off. Just a little longer, at least as long as it was allowed, he wanted to watch Eleanor like this.

 

Then he saw someone riding a horse towards them from the other side. Daryl’s eyes widened as he squinted and looked in that direction.

 

It was Benjamin Gallahad.