If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“Why then…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Why did you marry my older brother?”

 

Eleanor’s expression stiffened slightly.

 

“…That’s because he…”

 

“I know, my older brother proposed. I also know it was because of my father’s will. I’m curious why you accepted that proposal. Was it because of the money?”

 

“…..”

 

Eleanor looked at Layla silently for a moment, then shook her head.

 

“Is that so? Did my brother offer any other tempting conditions?”

 

“No. I just…”

 

Eleanor hesitated for a long time with a sigh, then continued.

 

“I don’t know how you’ll take this, Layla… but I just wanted to repay the favor that the previous Duke had sponsored.”

 

“…”

 

Now it was Layla’s turn to harden her expression. The hand holding the teacup unknowingly tightened. Layla bit her trembling lips hard.

 

“…Why.”

 

She intended to ask calmly, but her voice cracked.

 

“Why did he sponsor you and your mother?”

 

“…”

 

Eleanor’s eyes wavered.

 

“My father never explained anything to us. He just said that it’s not right to not help someone in a difficult situation, and he repeated that like a parrot until the day my mother passed away. Why? Why was my father so obsessed with you and your mother, more than his own family who he spent his whole life with!”

 

In the end, she raised her voice. The hysterical voice echoed off the high ceiling. She didn’t like the sound of her own voice, but she couldn’t control it.

 

Eleanor lowered her eyes quietly.

 

“…I’m sorry, Miss Layla.”

 

“I’m not asking for an apology. I want an explanation!”

 

“What my mother said… was no different from what you heard from the previous Duke, Miss Layla. I didn’t hear any other explanation either.”

 

“So you’re saying you accepted that explanation?”

 

Eleanor didn’t answer. After staring at the teacup in front of her for a while, she suddenly looked up again. Her eyes, which had been floating with various emotions, were now clear and calm.

 

“I don’t know if this will answer your question, but there’s one thing I can tell you for sure. There was nothing illicit between the previous Duke and my mother, unlike the rumors.”

 

“…How do you know that?”

 

“As far as I remember, my mother hardly ever left the mansion alone. And I was always there when the Duke visited.”

 

“But that’s just ‘as far as you remember’! You wouldn’t know about things that happened when you were too young to remember, or even before you were born, would you?”

 

“Yes, you’re right. But there was no special emotion in the way they looked at each other. Throughout that long period, my mother and the previous Duke treated each other with respect and strictly maintained their boundaries. If something had happened between them in the past, that wouldn’t have been possible. I would have definitely noticed.”

 

“But that’s just your own conjecture! There’s still no actual evidence, is there?”

 

“There’s no evidence for those rumors either. Besides, it’s easy to prove that something happened, but it’s very difficult to prove that something didn’t happen.”

 

“…But…!”

 

Layla closed her eyes tightly.

 

“I can’t believe it just because of that! Despite such terrible rumors, my father did not stop sponsoring you, leaving his family in pain for a long time! Of course, there must be a reason for that!”

 

“If I were really the Duke’s blood… wouldn’t the Duke have recognized me as his daughter?”

 

“…..”

 

“Considering his character, I think he would have. Not just living a life that is not upright by keeping silent…”

 

“…You talk as if you know my father better than I do, his daughter.”

 

At Layla’s sarcasm, Eleanor lowered her eyes quietly.

 

“I apologize if I sounded presumptuous.”

 

“And isn’t it impossible for anyone other than the person themselves to know what’s inside a person? Maybe my father wasn’t as noble and fair as his reputation suggests. Maybe he just didn’t want to reveal his mistakes to the world.”

 

“Then he would have ignored us completely. Not helping us while enduring all those suspicions and criticisms. And above all, I think he wouldn’t have left a will for Daryl to marry me if there was even a slight possibility that I was his sister.”

 

“…..”

 

When she heard it, it was really like that. Maybe her father wanted to prove his innocence through their marriage. So he left such an unbelievable will…

 

“After the accident, my mother was really in big trouble. Without a husband, other family members, or any decent inheritance… If the previous Duke hadn’t helped us, I might not have seen the light of the world. This is not an exaggeration, but the truth.”

 

Eleanor spoke in a low voice, as if confessing.

 

“So I owed him a huge debt. Just as he followed his father’s will, I followed my mother’s will. That I should repay the favor I received from the previous Duke…”

 

“…”

 

“I understand if I looked shameless and brazen in your eyes, Miss Layla. But as I told him, there’s no other meaning. I just want to repay the previous Duke. And when I fulfill that, everything will go back to its place. I can promise you that for sure.”

 

Eleanor spoke with a quiet smile, a smile that seemed so lonely and fleeting.

 

“I’m sorry, but… please bear with me a little longer.”

 

“…..”

 

Layla bit her lip. A complex mix of emotions swirled in her chest, too tangled to express.

 

Layla had always resented Eleanor, blaming her for the misfortunes in her life. She hated Eleanor’s presence in the Duke’s house, and she felt no guilt in tormenting her. She thought it was only natural retribution.

 

She had never even dreamed that Eleanor might also be a victim, just like her. Because of the rumors, Eleanor’s life might have been… perhaps even more ruined than hers.

 

Layla, who had been silent, suddenly stood up from her seat. Eleanor looked up at her with a mix of anxiety and worry.

 

“I can’t forgive you just because I heard this today.”

 

“…Yes, I understand.”

 

“Don’t understand.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Eleanor, who had slightly bowed her head at Layla’s words, looked at her again.

 

“Don’t just understand and accept it on your own. Don’t be timid, don’t be considerate, don’t give gifts that weren’t asked for, don’t take the blame for things you didn’t do. Because that’s unfair.”

 

“…..”

 

“I need time too……To understand and accept you.”

 

“Ah…”

 

Eleanor’s eyes, which had been wide open in surprise, slowly softened like the moon waning.

 

“…So, know that.”

 

Eleanor smiled faintly at Layla’s awkwardly added words.

 

“Why are you smiling?”

 

“…No, it’s nothing.”

 

Eleanor thought that Layla was indeed Frederick’s daughter. Frederick was a man who had pursued fairness and duty all his life, and Eleanor was also influenced by him. It was quite moving to see a resemblance in the daughter of the man she had respected all her life.

 

How wonderful it would be if, as Layla said, there comes a day when she sees Eleanor differently. Not as a relationship tangled with jealousy and resentment like the rumors of the world, but as a bond formed solely by goodwill, bestowed and received over two generations.

 

Perhaps it could be the same with Daryl.

 

No matter how much she denied it and tried not to expect it, it didn’t go as she wanted. The dew of hope that had formed in her heart after the incident at the gallery was too sweet, and it left a more pitiful thirst.

 

****

 

Time passed quickly. The sprouts that had begun to bud in early spring were now growing lushly with stems and leaves. Unlike the southern countries, the empire’s most warm and livable season was summer, not spring. Many poems and songs praised the summer of the empire. This summer will be beautiful, just like last year, and so will next year.

 

Since the incident at the exhibition, Daryl and Eleanor’s relationship seemed to have changed, but there was no progress. They only greeted each other once in the morning and evening, and they didn’t go out together or even eat together.

 

It wasn’t that Daryl wanted it that way. Daryl was just faithfully following the advice of the Duke house’s physician.

 

[You need to avoid situations that cause seizures and create a stress-free environment. The role of those around you is important for this. You should be careful not to cause any emotional shock or sadness to the Duchess.]

 

No matter how much he thought about what happened that day, Daryl had no memory of saying or doing anything that would upset Eleanor. The only conclusion he could come to was one.

 

It was clear that Eleanor was still avoiding him. Even if she wasn’t consciously aware of it, there was still resentment left in her heart. That’s why her condition worsened when they were alone together. It was the same when she collapsed before.

 

So he couldn’t approach her carelessly.