If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“It’s a waltz.”

 

At Benjamin’s sudden remark, Layla lifted her head. Indeed, a familiar 3/4 beat melody was flowing in the ballroom.

 

“If it’s okay with you, may I ask for a dance?”

 

Benjamin extended his hand to Layla and spoke. Caught off guard by the sudden development, Layla was momentarily flustered. She couldn’t believe this was reality.

 

Seeing Layla’s silence, Benjamin made a slightly awkward expression.

 

“If you’re not interested…”

 

“No, that’s not it.”

 

Layla, startled, waved her hands and hurriedly placed her hand on Benjamin’s.

 

“I’d be happy to accept.”

 

Benjamin gave a faint smile. Layla’s cheeks flushed pink. She followed Benjamin’s lead and moved to the dance floor.

 

****

 

The time spent dancing with Benjamin felt like a dream, but that joy didn’t last long. Ever since she returned home that night, she had been feeling uneasy.

 

No matter how she looked at it, it was clear that Benjamin had feelings for Eleanor. She wanted to deny it and think otherwise, but all the words he said and expressions he made that day conveyed only one truth.

 

‘…How foolish. What are you going to do about liking a woman who’s already married to another man?’

 

Thinking about it made her father’s scandal come to mind, making her feel even more down. Layla flipped the blanket over her head as she lay in bed.

 

The next day, as always, she sluggishly left her bedroom, fighting with her lethargic body. It was then that she ran into Eleanor, who was coming down the stairs with a few books.

 

“Good morning, Miss Leila.”

 

Eleanor greeted her with a fresh smile. Even though it was hardly morning by any standard, she knew that Eleanor had deliberately considered her in her greeting. But even such consideration was irritating at the moment.

 

“……”

 

Even as Layla stared at her without a reply, Eleanor, without showing any signs of discomfort, nodded her head and tried to pass by.

 

Layla, watching her receding back, impulsively spoke up.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

Eleanor looked back at Layla in surprise.

 

“Ah… to the library. And you, Miss Layla?”

 

“I was about to… have some tea.”

 

Layla trailed off, standing still. Eleanor blinked, tilting her head slightly.

 

“……Would you like to join me?”

 

At Layla’s words, Eleanor looked as if she doubted her own ears. She cautiously looked around before asking.

 

“Are you talking to me?”

 

“……If you don’t want to, then never mind.”

 

“No, not at all. I’d love to! Of course, I would.”

 

Eleanor replied, blushing. Her initially flustered expression gradually brightened.

 

‘Why is she so pleased without even knowing why I invited her? She doesn’t even know what I want to talk about…’

 

Layla sighed quietly. She felt complicated, half guilty and half incredulous.

 

They moved to the dining room. These days, it had become a habit for the people of the Duke’s house to eat alone in their rooms, so the dining room was rarely used.

 

“Prepare some tea.”

 

“Yes, Miss.”

 

The maid accepted Layla’s order and left. Eleanor, sitting across from Layla, seemed quite excited.

 

“How have your mornings been lately? Did the tea I gave you have any effect?”

 

“No, it’s… just, yeah.”

 

“That’s a relief.”

 

Eleanor smiled as if pleased. It was an ambiguous answer, but she seemed to interpret it positively on her own.

 

Soon, the maid appeared with a tray full of tea sets. Layla kept her eyes down and remained silent until the maid brewed the tea and poured it in turn.

 

“……About last night’s ball.”

 

At Layla’s sudden remark, Eleanor, who was about to take a sip of her tea, put it back down.

 

“Yes, Miss Layla.”

 

“I met Viscount Brooke.”

 

Layla said so and watched Eleanor’s reaction. If the two had a suspicious relationship, and therefore something was bothering her, she thought it would definitely show.

 

“Ah, Viscount Brooke. Are you two well acquainted?”

 

Layla was inwardly taken aback. She had been preempted in asking the question she had intended to ask.

 

“No, just… yes, somewhat.”

 

She felt a blow to her pride at not being able to honestly say, ‘We’re not that close.’

 

“He’s a good man, Viscount Brooke.”

 

Eleanor spoke with a transparent smile, showing no hesitation.

 

“……Does the Duchess also have a close relationship with him?”

 

“Ah… yes. I met him when I was trying to sell a painting from my parent’s home.”

 

“A painting?”

 

“Yes, Viscount Brooke is in the art business.”

 

“I know that, too.”

 

At her unnecessarily sharp words, Eleanor laughed awkwardly.

 

“At that time, I was even younger than you are now, Miss Layla, but Viscount Brooke didn’t dismiss me as a young girl, and was really kind to me. He also gave me a good price for the painting. I met him a few more times for art deals, and he was always polite and mannered.”

 

Listening to Eleanor praise Benjamin made Layla feel strange. She felt jealous knowing that their relationship had started so long ago, but at the same time, she felt relieved that the Benjamin of the past, as described by Eleanor, was the same person she knew and admired.

 

“……And he’s handsome.”

 

At Layla’s muttered words, Eleanor’s eyes widened.

 

“That’s right. He’s quite a handsome man.”

 

“And he’s gentlemanly.”

 

“Absolutely. I’ve never seen anyone as gentlemanly as him.”

 

“He’s quite different from the men in our house.”

 

At her sarcastic remark, Eleanor burst into a soft laugh. When Layla stared at her, Eleanor quickly composed her expression and coughed.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

 

“No, it’s true. What’s there to be proud of about the second brother… I don’t even want to call him brother. He’s a complete mess, and the older brother is always looking down on others because of his bad personality. He thinks he’s the only one who’s great in this world.”

 

“……”

 

Eleanor was silent, her head slightly bowed. Layla narrowed her eyes.

 

“Are you holding back your laughter now?”

 

“No, no… No, Miss Layla. It’s not that……”

 

She waved her hands, but her shoulders were faintly shaking, proving that she was indeed holding back her laughter. Layla looked at her incredulously, then also broke into a chuckle. The moment their eyes met, both of them burst into laughter.

 

“Oh, really, I’m sorry. I was being impolite……”

 

Eleanor, who had been laughing for a while, wiped away her tears and spoke.

 

“What does it matter? There’s no one else here.”

 

At Layla’s words, Eleanor quietly smiled.

 

“That’s very true.”

 

Layla reached for her teacup. The tea had cooled down without her noticing. She signaled to the maid, who discarded the cold tea and poured a new one.

 

“You said earlier that you got to know Viscount Brooke through a transaction.”

 

“Yes, Miss Layla.”

 

“……Is that really all there is?”

 

“All there is…?”

 

Eleanor blinked in confusion, as if she didn’t understand the meaning of Layla’s words.

 

‘Is she pretending not to understand on purpose? Or……’

 

Layla couldn’t say for sure that she knew Eleanor well. But somehow, she didn’t think that Eleanor would hide her true feelings while having this conversation. It was more of a feeling than a logical judgment.

 

‘……So it’s his unrequited love.’

 

Layla lowered her eyes quietly into the rising steam of the tea.

 

“Do you have feelings for Viscount Brooke, Miss Layla?”

 

Caught off guard by the unexpected direct question, Layla almost spit out the tea she was drinking. She managed to swallow it and looked at Eleanor.

 

“What, what do you mean……”

 

“It seems like you think highly of him. If not, I apologize.”

 

“……You also praised him a lot.”

 

“Yes. That’s true. But my situation is different from yours, Miss Layla.”

 

“……Because you’re married?”

 

“Not just because I’m married, but also because I’ve never been out in society. I originally didn’t plan to get married… Naturally, I’ve never looked at a man in that way. Viscount Brooke is certainly a good man, but I’ve never thought of him as more than that.”

 

“……”

 

Her older brother had said that he had to marry Eleanor in a formal marriage to inherit the dukedom. If this marriage was not Eleanor’s intention, why did she accept the proposal?

 

She had never thought about how Eleanor felt about it. Until now, she had only been the object of her hatred and resentment. She had been thinking that she could never forgive her for causing such a terrible scandal and causing trouble all this time, and then shamelessly entering the Duke’s house.