If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Emily was also upset for Eleanor. Having watched her closely for about half a year, Emily prided herself on knowing Eleanor’s physical condition better than anyone else.

 

She had chronic illness and her stamina wasn’t great, but she wasn’t particularly frail either. At least, she wasn’t so weak that she couldn’t go out or ride a horse.

 

The fundamental problem was that Eleanor, as the duchess, was not being treated properly. Of course, Emily was not in a position to complain. She had also neglected Eleanor until recently.

 

But now, she owed Eleanor a huge debt that she could never repay, and she knew that Eleanor was a really good person. To repay her kindness, Emily intended to do her best to make Eleanor’s life a little better.

 

“I’ll prepare some warm tea right away.”

 

“Thanks, Emily.”

 

Eleanor, who had returned to the Hibiscus Room, sighed as she sat down on the soft sofa.

 

It wasn’t that Eleanor was unaffected. Molstead was a precious horse given to her by the Empress. She felt guilty about keeping such a horse in the stable. But she couldn’t let anyone else ride the horse that the Empress had given her.

 

But since the time she collapsed at the palace banquet, she had been afraid to go out. She was afraid that the same symptoms might appear when she stood in front of many people.

 

If she had a seizure while riding Molstead for a walk, it could cause a big problem.

 

Of course, it might be okay if she only rode within the ducal residence. Even if she can’t run, she should be able to walk around. The question was whether that could be called horse riding.

 

But even that was not certain. At least while she was in the ducal residence, she didn’t want to give Daryl a chance to catch her. She didn’t want to ask for permission in advance either. She just didn’t want to talk to him at all.

 

[I thought you were serious for a moment. I thought you were really sick. Do you enjoy deceiving people? Are you happy to make me a fool?]

 

She couldn’t forget Daryl’s words that day, his cold voice, his contemptuous eyes. If she heard something like ‘You can’t even dance with me because you’re so weak, but you’re good at riding a horse’, she wouldn’t be able to stand it.

 

It was better to stay like this than to do that.

 

Compared to before, it was now bearable. The maids, including Emily, no longer treated her harshly, and there were plenty of books to read when she was bored. If she wanted, she could also draw.

 

She hadn’t touched Daryl’s portrait since then. The painting was left unfinished, covered with a cloth. She didn’t feel like drawing anything else either.

 

‘…I can do anything if I go back to Loud.’

 

Yes. When the next winter comes, I can go home. When I get back, I’ll be able to draw again. Let’s learn horse riding. There are many quiet forest paths around Loud. By then, Molstead will be able to run freely.

 

Eleanor turned her head and looked out the window. The trees, which had been bare until recently, were beginning to sprout leaves.

 

Spring was coming. Only three seasons left.

 

****

 

When the maid opened the curtain, bright sunlight poured into the room. Daryl squinted his eyes.

 

“It’s blinding. Close it.”

 

“Huh? Oh, yes!”

 

Just as the maid was flustered and about to close the curtain again because of his irritable voice.

 

“Just leave it.”

 

“Huh? But…”

 

“It’s okay, just leave it to me.”

 

At Herbert’s words, the maid hesitated, but when Daryl didn’t say anything, she quickly left the bedroom, saying, “Then, excuse me!”

 

Herbert approached the window and opened the half-closed curtain again.

 

“I told you to close it.”

 

“The sun is high. You should get up and eat.”

 

Even if he glared at him with squinted eyes, Herbert didn’t care. He tied the fully opened curtains on both sides. Daryl pressed his temples with his middle and thumb fingers. He didn’t know if his headache was due to a hangover or lack of sleep. Maybe both.

 

“You seem to be drinking too much these days. You should take care of your health.”

 

Herbert approached the bed with a tray and handed Daryl a cup of water. When he drank the water, he felt a bitter sensation in his esophagus and stomach.

 

About half a year after Frederick’s death, the tasks that had to be handled in the process of taking over his father’s business were finally all completed. To be precise, he had been busy until about two weeks ago. From then on, Daryl suddenly had a lot of free time, as if he had become unemployed.

 

And then he didn’t know what to do. Since graduating from the academy and starting to help with his father’s business, he had been constantly focused on work. He didn’t know how to play or rest.

 

Herbert suggested going on a trip with Eleanor, but that was ridiculous. How could he go on a trip with a woman who barely spoke to him twice a day even though they lived in the same house?

 

‘Besides, she hates me enough to faint just because we danced once. If we go on a trip, she might even commit suicide.’

 

Daryl frowned again. Their relationship was already awkward and uncomfortable, but it got worse after the palace banquet two months ago.

 

Eleanor still continued her morning greetings and evening meetings, but unlike before, her smile was gone. It was annoying when she smiled brightly without meaning to, but it was also annoying when she didn’t.

 

When he was at home, he couldn’t rest because he was constantly worried about Eleanor. So he kept going out. His card game skills and alcohol tolerance were the only things that increased as he frequented clubs he had hardly ever visited before. That’s how he spent the night drinking and returned home in the morning.

 

It had been a long time since he had seen Esmeralda, who had annoyed him last time. But he couldn’t just sleep with any woman. A person of Daryl’s status had more to lose than gain from such one-time encounters. It would be a relief if it ended in one meeting, but if it went wrong, it could be very tiring.

 

“I’ll have your meal brought.”

 

“No need. I don’t think I can eat.”

 

“But it’s not good for your body if you don’t eat at all. Even if it’s just soup, please eat something.”

 

Herbert’s nagging had also increased significantly. In the past, he would stop talking if Daryl said something annoying, but now he didn’t blink an eye unless Daryl really frowned.

 

Even during meals, Herbert did not leave his seat and stayed by his side.

 

“You look worse than when you were busy. How about reducing your alcohol intake from today?”

 

“…You’re nagging quite a bit today. How long are you going to keep this up?”

 

“It’s because I’m worried about your health. You didn’t drink this much before, and you were a person who took good care of yourself…”

 

Herbert paused for a moment before speaking.

 

“Do you have any concerns these days?”

 

Daryl looked at Herbert with a frown.

 

“Yes. The usually reticent butler has become unnecessarily talkative.”

 

At Daryl’s words, Herbert gave a bitter smile.

 

“…Is it because of Madam?”

 

Daryl’s hand, which was scooping up soup, stopped.

 

“I’ve noticed that your relationship with Madam has become more distant recently.”

 

“Herbert.”

 

“If there’s a misunderstanding between the two of you, maybe you both should have a conversation…”

 

“Leave it at that.”

 

“…Lord.”

 

“Didn’t you hear me? Do you want to retire?”

 

“……”

 

Finally, Herbert closed his mouth. Daryl put down his spoon in annoyance.

 

“I don’t know why you keep trying to link me with my wife, but we don’t need to get along. So don’t talk nonsense like that again.”

 

‘…If that’s really the case, there would be no need to bring this up.’

 

Herbert quietly lowered his eyes.

 

Herbert had watched Daryl since he was born. Daryl was a very proud child from a young age. His ego was like water in a deep well, unaffected by any storm, even if trees were uprooted. When Frederick’s scandal caused a stir in the capital, when his mother Edith passed away, Daryl remained expressionless as if all these events had nothing to do with him.

 

Now, Daryl was definitely shaken. Herbert knew that something had been bothering him for months.

 

And in Herbert’s opinion, it was definitely related to Eleanor.