If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Before parting, Agnes said she would come with Nancy next time. Seeing Eleanor’s face turning gloomy at her words, Agnes smiled as if she had read her mind.

 

“Don’t worry. She’s a friend.”

 

“……”

 

Agnes stroked Eleanor’s hair once and got into the carriage. Eleanor stood in the same spot for a while even after the carriage was out of sight.

 

****

 

Emily knocked on the office door of Matilda in the basement.

 

“Yes.”

 

A stiff and business-like voice was heard. Emily took a deep breath, opened the door, and went inside.

 

Matilda was sitting at her desk, checking documents with her glasses on. She looked at Emily with just her eyes moving.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Ms. Norton.”

 

“Speak.”

 

Emily clenched and unclenched her lowered hand repeatedly, then closed her eyes tightly and spoke.

 

“…Could you possibly advance my salary for next month?”

 

“Again?”

 

“My mother is very sick. We’re short on living expenses this month.”

 

“I remember you made the same excuse last time.”

 

“It’s not an excuse, it’s true. I really need it because the situation is so urgent.”

 

Emily spoke desperately. Matilda sighed and took off her glasses.

 

“Emily. Do you know why I hired you despite your young age?”

 

“…That’s because of my recommendation letter…”

 

“Yes. Of course, there was a credible guarantee of identity, but ultimately it was because you were good at work and had nimble fingers. If not, I would have sent you back in less than a day.”

 

A hopeful light flickered in Emily’s eyes.

 

“Then…”

 

“The reason I’ve been lenient with you several times so far is exactly that. Because you were a useful talent for this Griffith Duke’s house. I feel sorry for the situation where you have to work at a young age, but I can’t allow any more exceptions.”

 

“……”

 

“This mansion is maintained under strict discipline and order. I can’t break the rules for one person.”

 

Emily bowed her head and remained silent with her hands clasped. Matilda put her glasses back on.

 

“If you understand, please leave.”

 

“…Excuse me.”

 

Emily left Matilda’s office with a weak step.

 

The lie that her mother was sick was not a lie. To be precise, as far as Emily remembered, she was always sick.

 

Her mother was congenitally weak and had many chronic diseases. She said she almost died giving birth to Emily. She also heard several times that it was a miracle that she was born with such a healthy body.

 

Her father died not long after Emily was born. A frail mother alone could not make a living.

 

Thanks to a lady who sympathized with Emily’s tough situation, Emily started working as a maid at the age of eleven. She received a lot of praise for being diligent and having a good head for work under her first owner. Thanks to that, she was able to get a job at the Duke of Griffith’s house last year with a recommendation letter.

 

She received a salary almost twice as much as where she used to work, but it was still not enough to cover living expenses. It was because of her brother Jack, who was ten years older.

 

Jack also started working at a young age like Emily. However, a few years ago, he lost one leg in an unfortunate accident at work. There was no way he could find a job with such a body. He was pessimistic about life and spent his time drinking and gambling.

 

In the end, no matter how hard Emily worked, it was like pouring water into a leaky bucket. Every time she sent money home, it was invariably squandered as her brother’s gambling funds. No matter how much she pleaded with tears, it was of no use.

 

In fact, Emily knew. Even if Matilda had just accepted her request, she knew that it could never be a fundamental solution.

 

Deep skepticism and despair weighed on Emily’s shoulders. These feelings clung to Emily as persistently and deeply as poverty, refusing to let go.

 

****

 

Emily went to the Hibiscus Room with her cleaning tools. Until recently, the room’s owner, Eleanor, had stayed almost 24 hours in the room and hardly came out, so timing the cleaning was a big deal. Fortunately, she now spent a lot of time in the library during the day.

 

Eleanor was a strange person. At least it felt completely different from what the servants had unanimously cursed before she came to the Duke’s house.

 

Emily also had prejudices about her until she met Eleanor in person. When she was designated as Eleanor’s exclusive maid by Matilda, she thought, ‘Why me?’ It was even more strange because objectively, Emily was far from being a maid to the Duchess.

 

[You’re trusted to do well, Emily.]

 

Even then, she never thought that the word ‘well’ meant the opposite of the general meaning. Matilda said it was ‘absolutely unacceptable’ for Eleanor to become the duchess. She had to show her that life in this mansion was completely different from what she dreamed of.

 

[If you do this job well, I’ll give you a bonus.]

 

Once she heard that, Emily had no choice. Emily faithfully carried out the tasks assigned to her by Matilda. She consistently behaved rudely in front of her, deliberately ignored the call, and deliberately brought cold food. Even if Eleanor gets angry and runs around, don’t be scared, she will take responsibility and protect her. Matilda promised so.

 

But she had never seen Eleanor ‘getting angry and running around’. The only day she expressed her anger faintly was the day she first came to the Duke’s house when the maid that came with her from her parents’ house was driven away.

 

No matter how rudely Emily treated Eleanor, and how lazily she did her job, Eleanor never got angry. No, rather, she was kind to her. She respected her as a person more than the first madam, whom Emily still deeply regarded as a benefactor.

 

So as the days went by, her ‘duty’ became more and more difficult. She was endlessly shaken by guilt. Yet, she persevered because of the bonus that Matilda promised.

 

But now, even that has become meaningless.

 

[I don’t know what Miss Layla is thinking.] 

 

Matilda sighed. It was right after Layla had ordered that Eleanor be moved to the Hibiscus Room, which the former madam used to use.

 

[We’ll have to see how things go for a while. You should also be careful not to cross the line. In the worst case scenario, we could all be turned upside down.]

 

She didn’t know how things were going, but it was true that her mind was a little relieved. Because she no longer needed to torment Eleanor on purpose.

 

While cleaning the floor, Emily found something sparkling at the edge of the carpet.

 

When she picked it up, it was a brooch. A large yellow gem in the center was surrounded by small white gems.

 

If it were usual, she  would have put it back in the jewelry box without thinking. But not now.

 

Instead, a strange thought came to her.

 

‘…No one would know if this one disappeared, right?’

 

Just thinking about it made her heart pound.

 

It’s not like she touched Eleanor’s jewelry box. She just picked up what was dropped. Strictly speaking, since she lost it, it can be said that it is no longer hers.

 

‘…There are countless other jewels anyway. So…’

 

That’s right. If she knew she had lost it, she would have asked her already. If not, it means that it doesn’t matter to her even if this is gone.

 

But it was different for Emily. She didn’t know if this brooch could be exchanged for at least a year’s living expenses, maybe more.

 

So wouldn’t it be okay? If she put it aside for now, and if Eleanor didn’t say anything for a few days. Then…

 

At that moment, the sound of the door opening came from behind. Emily was so surprised that she almost screamed.

 

“Emily.”

 

It was Eleanor when she turned around. She was holding a stack of books as usual.

 

“Are you cleaning?”

 

“No, I just finished.”

 

“I see. You’ve worked hard.”

 

Eleanor smiled at Emily and passed by her. The sound of her heart was so loud that she thought it might burst out of her chest.

 

Emily stared at Eleanor with wide eyes, then began to back away hesitantly. And when she turned her body with her eyes tightly closed.

 

In her hurry, she tripped and, unbelievably, dropped the brooch she was holding in her hand.

 

“Ah…!”

 

The brooch fell to the floor where there was no carpet, making a clattering noise as it rolled. And it happened to roll towards Eleanor.

 

Emily raised her head, trembling. But despite her desperate prayers, Eleanor’s gaze was fixed on the brooch that had fallen to the floor.

 

Everything went dark before her eyes.