If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Esmeralda was lying half-dead on the bed. The heavy weight that had been pressing down on her back slowly lifted off.

 

‘Finally…it’s over.’

 

Her whole body was drenched in sweat. Esmeralda reached out with trembling arms and pulled the blanket over her body.

 

Recently, Daryl had been visiting Esmeralda more frequently than ever before.

 

It started about a week ago. Daryl came to her late at night and rushed towards her as soon as she opened the door. Without waiting for her to ask what was going on, he roughly stripped off her clothes.

 

Daryl’s actions were not driven by desire. It was anger. He held Esmeralda tightly, seething with anger from head to toe.

 

They had been in a relationship for over three years, but this was the first time she had seen him like this. In the end, Daryl held Esmeralda until his anger subsided, then left without any explanation.

 

He had come to her several times since then and they had been intimate, but Daryl was still the same as that day. Even in the midst of making love, it seemed like his mind was somewhere else. His eyes were on Esmeralda, but it felt like what was reflected in them was not her.

 

Of course, she was not in a position to complain. Her relationship with Daryl was purely business, based on a mutual agreement. Esmeralda satisfied Daryl’s desires, and in return, he sponsored her. It was nothing more, nothing less.

 

Daryl was an impeccable partner in every way. He was a perfect man, both in terms of power and wealth, and as a man. Esmeralda had a hunch that once this relationship ended, she would never meet anyone better in her lifetime.

 

So she couldn’t recklessly go against Daryl’s wishes. Esmeralda knew very well why he liked her. The moment Esmeralda showed even a little more greed, he would leave her without hesitation.

 

So she could only completely bear this bitterness and emptiness. She had to.

 

“Phew, I thought I was going to die today.”

 

Esmeralda said in a playful voice. Provoking him with consistent cheekiness but never crossing the line, because that was what Daryl wanted from her.

 

But no answer came. Esmeralda lay straight and forced her eyes to focus. Daryl was almost finished dressing.

 

As always, after their love making ended, Daryl immediately left Esmeralda. He never spent a single night by her side. Of course, she never held him back either.

 

“When will you come next?”

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

“Because if I know in advance, I can prepare. You’ve been coming so often lately that my body can’t keep up. I’ve missed two practices this week.”

 

“What kind of preparation are you talking about?”

 

“Like getting some sleep during the day. Or having a hearty dinner.”

 

It was a moment when he would usually chuckle. But there was no trace of a smile on his face.

 

“Always be prepared like that. It’s impossible for me to give you a heads-up every time.”

 

Daryl picked up his coat and hat.

 

“You don’t need to come out.”

 

Leaving those words behind, Daryl strode towards the door. Esmeralda called him back.

 

“Lord.”

 

Daryl turned his head and stared at Esmeralda as if asking what was going on.

 

Esmeralda hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth.

 

“I’m going to be in a new show starting next week. As the lead.”

 

“So?”

 

At his blunt question, Esmeralda gave a bitter smile.

 

“Why are you so upset? I’m asking you to come and watch, of course.”

 

“Watch.”

 

“You always say that and never come. Please come and watch. I’m quite confident about this work. Oh, or you could take this opportunity to come with your wife.”

 

Daryl’s eyes changed at that word. Esmeralda swallowed her breath unknowingly, his pupils were threateningly ominous.

 

“Why are you suddenly talking about my wife?”

 

Esmeralda swallowed her saliva at the cold voice. She felt a chill on her bare shoulders.

 

She had to answer. As always, with a smile, lightly and playfully.

 

“Just…Even if you hate her, it’s pitiful to keep her locked up like that. People need to get some fresh air sometimes…”

 

“Do you know why I sponsored you for three years?”

 

At Daryl’s words, Esmeralda’s expression froze.

 

“…..”

 

“Because you didn’t have a habit of talking nonsense.”

 

“Lord…”

 

Daryl tilted his head to the side.

 

“I guess now…”

 

“I’m sorry!”

 

Daryl, whose words were cut off by Esmeralda, narrowed his eyes.

 

“I was wrong. Please forgive me.”

 

Daryl silently looked down at Esmeralda, who bowed her head. While Esmeralda closed her eyes and clenched her teeth in fear, Daryl turned his steps towards the door again.

 

“There won’t be a second time.”

 

Soon, the sound of the door opening and closing was heard. Esmeralda exhaled with a sigh and fell onto the bed.

 

***

 

“It’s been a long time. Baroness Hamilton. Are you feeling better now?”

 

At Eleanor’s words, baroness Agnes Hamilton nodded her head.

 

“Yes, Duchess. Thanks to your concern, I’m much better.”

 

“Don’t be so formal, just call me Eleanor as before.”

 

Looking at Eleanor speaking awkwardly, Agnes quietly smiled.

 

“I can’t do that.”

 

Agnes was the chaperone that the former Duke Frederick had introduced to Eleanor six years ago. She taught Eleanor the basic knowledge for her social debut and was also the one who introduced Nancy.

 

Originally, she had sent a wedding invitation to Agnes as well as Nancy, but she received a reply that she could not attend due to health reasons. Perhaps because of that, her plump figure was much thinner than she remembered.

 

“Thank you and I’m glad to see you, but I’m worried if you’ve overdone it because you’re not feeling well. It would have been better if I had visited…”

 

“How could I make you take a difficult step knowing that the Duchess is very busy. It’s only natural that I should visit.”

 

At her extremely polite tone, Eleanor frowned as if she was upset.

 

“…It hurts me when you speak so formally. Can’t you speak comfortably, at least when we’re alone?”

 

Agnes laughed softly.

 

“Then shall I?”

 

At her words, Eleanor’s face brightened. Looking at her smiling with her eyes narrowed, Agnes also smiled contentedly.

 

Agnes was a kind and affectionate person. She took care of Eleanor, who had just lost her mother, as if she were her own niece. Even after Eleanor declared that she would not go to the social world and broke off her relationship with the chaperone, she continued to contact and ask about her.

 

“Is your family all well?”

 

“Yeah. They’re all so energetic. Daniel had his second daughter this time.”

 

“Wow, congratulations. She must be so pretty.”

 

“If she looks like her mother. But if she looks like us, it’s over.”

 

At Agnes’s joke, Eleanor burst into a soft laugh. Agnes watched Eleanor laughing with her mouth covered for a moment, then quietly asked.

 

“You? Are you doing well?”

 

“……”

 

She was at a loss for words. Agnes was looking at Eleanor with deep eyes.

 

“…Of course. I’m doing well. It’s nothing.”

 

She tried to smile as if it was nothing, but it didn’t seem to work. Was it because she met someone she had relied on a lot for the first time in a long time? Or…

 

The words Daryl had poured out to her a while ago came vividly back to life. Eleanor unknowingly lowered her head.

 

Then Agnes took Eleanor’s hand. The warm and cozy touch made her throat choke up.

 

“…Baroness Hamilton. I am…”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

Agnes stroked Eleanor’s hand.

 

“You don’t have to say anything, Eleanor.”

 

It was clear that Agnes, too, was more surprised than anyone else when she heard that Eleanor was marrying Daryl. Because she was the person who knew best why Eleanor gave up her social debut, why she didn’t want to receive the sponsorship of the former Duke anymore.

 

Moreover, there were other rumors now. What was the reason Eleanor didn’t show up at any social gatherings, was Daryl really keeping her in the mansion, what was the reason she collapsed while dancing at the palace party a while ago, there was no way Agnes wasn’t curious.

 

Despite all this, Agnes didn’t ask Eleanor anything. There was no way she didn’t know that it was her tender consideration.

 

Eleanor swallowed the rising tears with her head bowed.