If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“Honey.”

 

Eleanor approached Daryl and called him.

 

“Daryl. Wake up. Sleep in bed.”

 

But no matter how much she spoke to him, Daryl didn’t move at all. If it weren’t for the regular breathing, she would have worried about his well-being.

 

On the desk were a pile of documents that seemed to be under review, along with a half-empty bottle of alcohol and a glass. He was always overworked and lacked sleep, but now he was drinking and falling asleep at his desk. She was seriously worried about Daryl’s health.

 

‘He also has to leave early tomorrow…’

 

She hesitated for a moment, but eventually Eleanor decided not to wake him. It was already late at night. If she woke him up and he couldn’t fall back asleep, that would be a bigger problem.

 

Eleanor brought a thick blanket and covered Daryl’s shoulders. Even then, he showed no signs of waking up.

 

Eleanor quietly looked at Daryl’s sleeping face.

 

‘…He doesn’t feel cold at all like this.’

 

They often say a sleeping child’s face was like an angel. Daryl was not a child, but his sleeping face looked kind and peaceful. Thinking about it, she had never had a chance to look at his face closely. Whenever she met Daryl’s eyes, she could only avoid the contempt in them, which felt like a knife cutting into her.

 

He was a truly beautiful man. What was God thinking when he created this face? He must have been amazed at his own craftsmanship, at the masterpiece he had created.

 

Eleanor took in the shadow cast by his long eyelashes, his smooth nose and jawline without a single crooked spot, and his delicate lips tightly closed. Then, unconsciously, she reached out to his cheek, but pulled back just before her fingertips touched.

 

‘…What was I about to do just now?’

 

Eleanor lowered her eyes in confusion.

 

‘I should go back and sleep.’

 

Her hand, which was about to turn off the desk lamp, paused. A thought came to her mind.

 

At first, she tried to forget it, thinking it was nonsense. However, the sudden impulse did not disappear, but swelled to a huge size in Eleanor’s heart in an instant. It was so surprising that she was taken aback.

 

In the end, Eleanor succumbed to the impulse. A moment later, she left the office and returned with a piece of paper and a pencil in her hand.

 

Eleanor sat down on the sofa and began to sketch Daryl’s sleeping face. Before the rooster crowed, only the sound of firewood burning in the fireplace and the sound of the pencil scratching the paper echoed in the silence. There was a quiet but passionate sparkle in Eleanor’s eyes, which were moving between Daryl’s face and the paper.

 

****

 

Daryl slowly opened his eyes. Sunlight was already seeping through the curtains. It seemed he had fallen asleep while working in the office.

 

Daryl moved his arm to loosen his stiff muscles and joints. The blanket that had been covering him slipped down. Daryl glanced at it briefly. Herbert must have covered him and left.

 

He had a full schedule from early in the morning. Philip would knock on the door soon. Daryl sighed briefly and got up from his seat.

 

A little later, when he left the office with Philip, the servants were lined up to see him off. Among them was Eleanor, as always.

 

“Be careful today, honey.”

 

She was smiling familiarly, but her face looked more tired than usual. When he casually glanced at her, Eleanor seemed to avoid his gaze and lowered her eyes. It seemed like her face was slightly flushed, maybe it was just his imagination.

 

Daryl furrowed his brow a few times. But he soon turned his head away without saying anything. After putting on the hat that Herbert handed him, Daryl left the mansion.

 

****

 

A few days later.

 

That day’s schedule was particularly grueling all day long. After work ended late in the evening, there was an inevitable party waiting for him.

 

In the end, Daryl was able to return to the mansion only when the morning sun was about to rise. He slept like a dead man and when he woke up, it was late in the afternoon.

 

A throbbing headache was pressing down on his head. Daryl swallowed a groan and ordered food and medicine to be brought.

 

“How about taking a few days off?”

 

Herbert asked, seemingly worried. He wasn’t usually one to voice such concerns, tending to express his worries through his expressions and atmosphere instead. The fact that Herbert had gone out of his way to say something meant that Daryl’s current condition looked that bad.

 

“I plan to do so once I’ve cleared up the backlog of work.”

 

“I think it wouldn’t be bad to take a good rest for about a month. I heard there are places in the south where flowers bloom from February. How about you two take a trip? It could be your honeymoon that you couldn’t go on.”

 

“……”

 

Daryl’s hand, which was bringing a fork to his mouth, stopped. He looked at Herbert with thinly opened eyes. It was a look that said, ‘What nonsense are you talking about?’

 

“…I just thought I’d suggest it.”

 

Herbert said, seeming a bit awkward.

 

“The madam also seems to be feeling lonely at home. Wouldn’t it be a good change of mood for both of you?”

 

“You’re quite talkative today, Herbert.”

 

“…I apologize.”

 

Herbert bowed his head without a word.

 

“I’ll leave now. Please call me if you need anything else.”

 

He left the bedroom and was just about to close the door.

 

“Herbert.”

 

“Yes, Lord.”

 

At Daryl’s call, Herbert hurried back to his master.

 

“What does my wife usually do at home?”

 

Herbert’s eyes widened slightly under his monocle. It was an unexpected question. For some reason, he felt that he had to answer this question very well.

 

“She spends most of her time alone. She can’t go out, and there are no visitors, so she’s mostly idle. Seeing her waiting for you to come home at night and coming out to greet you, I think she might be quite lonely.”

 

“……”

 

Daryl listened to Herbert’s words with a blank expression. Herbert coughed quietly.

 

“I think it’s a bit pitiful to see her. It would be much better if she could go out sometimes. How about it? Maybe you could go to a party together soon…”

 

“…Herbert.”

 

‘Eek. Did I make a mistake?’

 

Herbert quickly bowed his head and hid his embarrassed face.

 

“Yes, Lord. Please speak.”

 

“Where is my wife now?”

 

At Daryl’s dryly thrown question, Herbert’s face brightened.

 

****

 

‘It’s been a while since I’ve come this far.’

 

Daryl was walking along the northern garden path inside the mansion. Seeing the snowdrops blooming by the roadside, he felt that winter was ending.

 

It was quite a long way to the library. He felt stupid for coming all this way. What was he doing coming all the way here? It’s not like he had any business with her.

 

[The madam is currently in the northern library.]

 

[The library?]

 

[Yes. These days, she mostly spends her time reading books there.]

 

It seemed like he had been talked into it by Herbert. Had she made Herbert her ally?

 

Herbert was the owner of seriousness and reticence necessary for a butler of the mansion, but unfortunately, he was also very sentimental. It wouldn’t be strange if Herbert, being who he was, had developed unnecessary sympathy for her while living together.

 

Daryl frowned as he looked down at his feet. But it was also ridiculous to turn back now.

 

‘I’ll just check to make sure she’s not doing anything strange in a secluded place.’

 

The library was built by his grandfather, who was an avid reader. The reason he built it separately outside the mansion, and even in such a remote outskirts, was to hide there whenever his wife nagged him. His father, Frederick, talked about it as if it was a very funny episode, but Daryl remembered thinking it was a pathetic story even when he was young.

 

The library certainly had the atmosphere of a hideout. Daryl had visited there quite a bit during his boyhood. Mostly when his mind and heart were noisy, he came to empty himself.

 

He hardly read any books. He just sat quietly alone in the silence, not moving a finger. As if he had become a corpse. After completely killing himself, leaving not a single speck of himself, his mood became incredibly calm.

 

When did he stop visiting there?

 

His father and mother were always busy with their own work. Neither Anthony nor Layla were particularly interested in reading. Perhaps it’s been quite a long time since anyone has visited there.

 

Daryl arrived at the library and slowly walked around the building. There was not a single window on the east side where the bookshelves were, but on the contrary, the west side had large windows almost covering the entire side. Daryl walked towards the west side of the building, listening to the rustling sound of grass being stepped on under his feet. And he found Eleanor through the window.

 

Eleanor was sitting in front of an easel, painting. She had a large canvas in front of her, almost half her size.

 

Seeing what was drawn on it, Daryl unknowingly stopped in his tracks.

 

What Eleanor was painting was none other than a portrait of Daryl.