If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

‘Did I say something thoughtless?’

 

From the beginning, the wedding was not something Eleanor wanted. Even today, wearing an expensive and glamorous dress did not excite her. On the contrary, all of those things felt like a hollow deception, making her feel depressed. So she never thought that what she said could be unpleasant to Nancy.

 

Due to the confidentiality clause in the contract, she couldn’t tell Nancy about the circumstances that led to her sudden marriage. In the letter, she only wrote, “I have received a proposal from the Duke of Griffith and am getting married. I know the news is sudden, but I would be really happy if you could attend the wedding.” She planned to reveal the details after the divorce.

 

Perhaps the news of Eleanor’s wedding was not entirely happy for Nancy. Thinking about it made her heart ache a little, but it wasn’t something she couldn’t understand.

 

To Nancy, who didn’t know the situation, it might have seemed like her friend, who she thought was in the same situation, was trying to be happy on her own. Of course, if Eleanor had been in the opposite position, she would have been purely happy and blessed. But that was because Eleanor had voluntarily chosen a single life. She hadn’t considered that Nancy might feel differently.

 

“That’s not true. It would suit you too, Nancy.”

 

Eleanor tried to smile as she said that.

 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say things you don’t mean.”

 

“I’m serious. Nancy is tall and has a good figure, so this kind of dress would suit her more than me…”

 

“Stop talking nonsense.”

 

“……”

 

At her sharp voice, Eleanor closed her mouth. Nancy frowned and forced a smile.

 

“Besides, what’s the use of it suiting me? There’s no one to dress me in it anyway.”

 

“..…”

 

“Anyhow, congratulations on your marriage. I knew you could find a good partner and get married whenever you wanted. Thanks to you, I’ve been to such a place. I never thought I’d be able to attend such a glamorous and grand party in my life.”

 

“…Nancy.”

 

Eleanor’s voice trembled slightly.

 

“I’ve said my hello, so I’ll go now. Take care.”

 

“Nancy.”

 

Eleanor quickly grabbed Nancy’s arm as she was about to turn around.

 

“Are you leaving already? It’s been a long time, let’s talk somewhere quiet. There’s a lot I want to hear. And a lot I want to say…”

 

“Sorry. My siblings are waiting, so I have to go.”

 

“Then let’s meet again when you’re free. I’ll write a letter…”

 

“Wouldn’t it be better not to? You’re a duchess now. You should choose your friends carefully.”

 

“……”

 

Eleanor’s face turned pale. Nancy continued to speak, avoiding Eleanor’s eyes.

 

“It’s not a thoughtless remark. It’s natural that we can’t continue as before since our situations have changed. Even if you hang out with me, you won’t hear anything good…”

 

“No, Nancy. I don’t care about that. So…”

 

“Think realistically. Even if you didn’t care until now, you should in the future.”

 

“……”

 

“I’ll go.”

 

Eleanor stood still, watching Nancy disappear into the distance.

 

****

 

Nancy left the reception hall with a gloomy mood.

 

From the beginning, she was reluctant to attend. She had been wondering whether it was right to attend this event until the moment she left her house today.

 

When Eleanor announced that she was getting married to the new Duke of Griffith, she was surprised, but the fact that she was getting married was not so unexpected. Her situation was different from Nancy’s. She had been receiving the Duke of Griffith’s patronage all her life, so she had enough dowry, and she was not tied to her family.

 

Above all, Eleanor was beautiful. That was the biggest difference between her and Nancy.

 

Six years ago, when she first met her, she was surprised to see such a beautiful girl. The fact that such a girl was trapped in the house all her life without going outside was pitiful, but it was also comforting. The fact that even such a beautiful girl was in a more pitiful situation than her was a truth she couldn’t deny, even though she hated herself for being comforted by it.

 

Eleanor, whom she met again, had grown into a dazzling beauty. At the age of twenty-two, she had a tragic beauty that deeply attracted people’s hearts. Even the expensive dresses and jewels that Nancy could not even imagine suited her as if she had been wearing them since birth.

 

She understood as soon as she saw her. The Duke fell in love with Eleanor. He was captivated by this beauty, enough to ignore all the dirty rumors and bad connections.

 

Thinking so, she couldn’t sincerely congratulate Eleanor. As her friend, she couldn’t exchange good words without feeling anything. Above all, it was the hardest to endure the sense of victimhood and inferiority that she didn’t even know about herself, popping up and tearing her apart.

 

Suddenly, when she looked back, she saw a wall mirror. The self in the mirror was truly pathetic. Even though she was wearing the best dress she had and the pearl necklace she inherited from her mother, there was as much difference as a princess and a maid compared to Eleanor just now.

 

It was a face that looked several years older than Eleanor, even though they were the same age. It seemed as if the same time had flowed twice as fast for Nancy. Considering her daily life, it was not unreasonable. It was a life without a single maid, only a nobleman in name. Even now, she had to go home quickly and prepare dinner for her father and brothers.

 

‘…Eleanor, she had a hurt expression.’

 

There was no guilt at all. If so, she wouldn’t have felt so gloomy. But it didn’t matter. she didn’t say a single wrong word in the first place. Besides, even if she heard a little unpleasant sound from her, Eleanor’s life would not change. Those dresses and jewels, this large and splendid mansion, and the name of the Duchess were still hers.

 

Thinking so, it was okay to this extent. Maybe, definitely.

 

****

 

Daryl was sitting in his office smoking a cigar. As soon as he appeared in the reception hall, he had to be tormented by the guests who kept talking endlessly. Now he was taking a break to catch his breath.

 

While doing so, there was a knock on the door.

 

“Come in.”

 

Contrary to Daryl’s expectation, the one who opened the door and came in was neither Philip nor the butler. It was Douglas Moore, the Earl of Saunders, who had a youthful demeanor despite his completely white hair.

 

Moore was a classmate and close friend who studied mathematics with the late Frederick. When Daryl was young, the families often spent holidays together in the same villa. He was a cheerful and extroverted man, unlike his father. Daryl also remembered him acting quite friendly, telling him to call him ‘Uncle Doug’.

 

“If the groom is smoking here, it’s a waste.”

 

Moore winked with his wrinkled eyes, jokingly.

 

“Earl Moore. How did you get here?”

 

“Call me Uncle Doug.”

 

“I can’t do that now.”

 

“I don’t think you called me that before? Anyway, you’re stiff like your father.”

 

Moore walked up and sat on the sofa opposite Daryl.

 

“Can I have one too?”

 

Daryl took out a new one from the cigar case and handed it to Moore along with a match. Moore lit the cigar and put it in his mouth.

 

“How does it feel to be a married man?”

 

“What does it matter?”

 

“You seem quite uncomfortable for that.”

 

“There’s no reason to be good.”

 

Moore smoked a cigar without saying a word for a while. He looked uncharacteristically serious. Come to think of it, it seemed like the first time he saw him keep his mouth shut for so long.

 

“Do you believe that rumor?”

 

At Moore’s words, Daryl faintly frowned. It was an ambiguous expression, but it was clear what rumor Moore was talking about. It was a topic that had never been mentioned before. Why now, at this timing.

 

“Would I have married if I believed it?”

 

“I thought you might.”

 

Daryl looked at Moore with squinted eyes. It was a remark that could be taken as an insult at first glance, but the part that bothered him right now was not that.

 

“Do you have anything else you want to say?”

 

Moore didn’t answer right away and just exhaled smoke. After extinguishing the cigar, Daryl was quietly looking at Moore with his hands clasped on his knees.

 

“A letter will go to you in a year. Everything is written in it.”

 

Daryl’s eyes slowly widened.

 

“What did you just say?”

 

“Frederick told me everything before he died.”