If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

In the end, Eleanor confessed her true feelings to Peggy and Emily.

 

“…So that’s what happened.”

 

Peggy muttered quietly. Emily also looked regretful.

 

“…Yeah. But the conclusion is already made. It’s hard now, but it will be forgotten over time. So… it’s okay.”

 

Both maids remained silent.

 

Then suddenly Emily opened her mouth.

 

“…Is that really the case?”

 

“Emily.”

 

Peggy looked at Emily with surprised eyes.

 

“Even though it’s been a while since you left the Duke’s house, the Duke still can’t forget you. If you feel the same way…if you love each other but have to be separated, that’s too sad…!”

 

Tears welled up in Emily’s eyes again. Peggy looked at Emily with a furrowed brow, then turned to Eleanor.

 

“Emily is right.”

 

“…Peggy.”

 

“It’s not the current Duke’s fault, it’s entirely the fault of the previous Duke. It’s strange to refuse to accept the Duke because of that.”

 

“It’s not strange. The Duke is his son. My mother would never forgive him, never.”

 

“She will forgive him.”

 

At Peggy’s assertion, Eleanor frowned.

 

“That’s ridiculous. How would you know, Peggy?”

 

“Because you love the Duke.”

 

“…”

 

Peggy held Eleanor’s hand and spoke firmly.

 

“If it’s the Madam I know, she would definitely say that it’s okay for you to follow your heart. Because she prioritized your happiness more than anything else in the world.”

 

“…”

 

Eleanor looked at Peggy with cloudy eyes.

 

“Madam thought that Miss was trapped in this mansion for her whole life, unable to go out into society like others, and she blamed it all on her. She asked me several times to take good care of Miss before she passed away. She said this to me, who is just a maid.”

 

[Eleanor seems to think that her birth itself is a debt. She can’t go outside for her whole life, can’t make friends… She’s deprived of everything a normal child should enjoy, but she still refuses and yields everything. It’s all my fault that she’s grown up like this.]

 

[No, Madam. That’s not true. It’s not your fault, Madam.]

 

At Peggy’s tearful words, Sylvia gave a weak smile.

 

[I’m glad you’re here, Peggy. Please take care of Eleanor. Please watch over her and support her for me. So that she can find her happiness…]

 

“…”

 

Eleanor swallowed the rising sob with difficulty.

 

“So, Miss, you have to be happy. If Madam were alive, she would surely say the same thing. Don’t worry about such things, just be happy.”

 

Eleanor couldn’t say anything, just bowed her head.

 

Emily put her hand on top of Peggy’s. The three of them intertwined their hands and shared their warmth in silence.

 

****

 

After a while, Eleanor found her parents’ grave.

 

Due to the delay of the trip to Wembury, the two coffins were reburied in their original grave.

 

Eleanor offered two bouquets of flowers in front of the tombstone, then stepped back.

 

“…Mother.”

 

As she uttered those words, she felt something welling up in her throat. Eleanor swallowed the rising sob with difficulty.

 

“I’m sorry. Really…I’m sorry, Mother.”

 

Eleanor said in a trembling voice.

 

“I shouldn’t have had such worries in the first place. Mother, you lived such an unfair life, and it was all because of his father….How dare I. How could I….”

 

When she closed her eyes, a tear that had been hanging on her lower eyelashes trickled down her cheek.

 

“…Peggy says I can be happy. Mother would surely want that too. Even if Mother were alive, she would say it’s okay. Really…is that so? Can I be happy on my own?”

 

Eleanor clenched her lips to keep from sobbing and endured for a long time.

 

Hearing the sound of birds above her head, Eleanor suddenly looked up.

 

A pair of small birds were perched on the branch above. One of them chirped, and they rubbed their bodies and beaks against each other.

 

Eleanor blankly looked up at the birds for a long time.

 

Eventually, Eleanor looked back at her mother’s tombstone.

 

“…I’ll come again, Mother.”

 

After murmuring softly, Eleanor turned her back on the cemetery.

 

***

 

It had been two months since Daryl last saw Eleanor.

 

Eleanor had been staying in Loud ever since that day. He was worried that she might face another difficulty due to Frederick’s letter or the death of the emperor, but it was also true that he felt relieved that she was within a distance where he could rush to if something happened.

 

Aaron seemed to have decided to follow Daryl’s suggestion after all.

 

Hector III was declared dead and given a national funeral, and Aaron ascended to the throne as the new emperor.

 

In fact, he had expected Aaron to make such a choice without a doubt. He was a thoroughly pragmatic person and hated taking risks because of his timidity. The reason why he did not take action even though Hector III had crossed the line a long time ago, and waited for the day to peacefully inherit the throne, was because of this.

 

Daryl had several cards in his hand, including Hector III’s dirt. Among them were several scandals related to Aaron.

 

So now it would be okay. It was clear that Aaron had fully understood what Eleanor meant to Daryl.

 

One evening, when Daryl returned to the duke’s house, Herbert ran to the front of the carriage.

 

“What’s the matter?”

 

“Master. Miss Townsend is waiting.”

 

At those words, Daryl stood still for a few seconds.

 

“…What? Since when? Why didn’t you send someone to let me know?”

 

Even as he asked the question, Daryl hurried into the duke’s house without waiting for an answer.

 

As he entered the reception room, he saw Eleanor sitting alone in the middle of the spacious table.

 

“…Miss Townsend.”

 

Daryl swallowed his suddenly dry throat.

 

Eleanor stood up from her seat, but she did not look directly at Daryl, but dropped her gaze slightly.

 

“When did you arrive. If you had sent someone in advance, I wouldn’t have kept you waiting…”

 

“I just stopped by because I have something to tell you. I didn’t want to force you to make time knowing you’re busy.”

 

Eleanor’s voice was extremely calm. Daryl didn’t know what to do, standing across from her without sitting down or telling her to sit.

 

“I’m going back to Wembury tomorrow.”

 

At those words, Daryl felt both despair and relief at the same time. It was the first time he realized that such a thing was possible.

 

“…I see. Finally…you’re going. You’ve made a good decision.”

 

Daryl said in a cracked voice.

 

“Is that what you have to say to me? You came…..to say to me your final goodbye?”

 

Eleanor didn’t answer.

 

Daryl thought that must surely mean yes. In fact, there could be no other answer.

 

“…Thank you very much. For giving me the opportunity to say goodbye.”

 

He started to speak, but he couldn’t continue.

 

Hundreds of words came to mind, but he couldn’t utter any of them.

 

Because he knew that if he said that, it would really be the end.

 

Because he knew that he would never see Eleanor, who was in front of him now, again in his lifetime.

 

He suddenly felt his hand trembling. His chest was tight and his vision blurred.

 

He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t show this side of himself in front of Eleanor.

 

It was enough to fall apart after he was left alone. He couldn’t leave even a small distance in her heart because of him.

 

Then, Eleanor suddenly asked in a small voice.

 

“Are you still busy these days?”

 

Daryl was momentarily puzzled by why Eleanor asked this question, and quickly opened his mouth.

 

“No, I’m not that busy. I eat three meals a day, get enough sleep, and take regular holidays.”

 

He remembered that Eleanor had been worried about his health before.

 

“That’s… good to hear.”

 

Eleanor said with a strange hesitation.

 

“That’s right. So there’s no need to worry. Miss Townsend, you can go back to Wembury and live comfortably…”

 

“…”

 

Eleanor, who had been looking down all the time, finally turned her eyes to Daryl.

 

“If you’re not that busy, you could take a vacation sometimes, right? You’ve left your work to Mr. Howarth and took a vacation before. When you followed me down to Wembury.”

 

“…”

 

Daryl stared blankly at Eleanor. For a moment, he couldn’t understand what she meant by saying this.

 

“Come visit again.”

 

Eleanor said in a low, small voice.

 

“Don’t just appoint someone else as your representative or just watch from afar. Visit our house, have meals together, walk on the beach…Walk together on my favorite walking course.”

 

“…Miss Townsend.”

 

Daryl’s voice was faintly cracked.

 

Eleanor withdrew her gaze from Daryl’s eyes, which were filled with various emotions.

 

“I’ll go now.”

 

Eleanor left the reception room, leaving Daryl behind.

 

She still didn’t know whether she had made the right choice.

 

Would her mother, as Peggy said, forgive this Eleanor, or resent her as an ungrateful daughter?

 

It was clear that she would never know for sure. Not until a long time had passed and she met her mother again in the afterlife.

 

But she didn’t think she would regret it.

 

This was the happiness Eleanor had found.

 

****

 

A few years later.

 

The capital, which had been quiet for a while, became noisy again with the news.

 

The news was that Duke Griffith Daryl Lloyd and his ex-wife, Eleanor Townsend, had reunited.

 

People were very curious about how they had reunited despite the grudges of their parents’ generation and numerous scandals.

 

But there was no way to know the truth. Neither the duke and duchess nor anyone who might know the situation would agree to an interview.

 

Some speculated that another prenuptial agreement had been written. It was a story that there had been a deal between the couple that could compensate for the sins of the previous duke.

 

But anyone who had any acquaintance with the duke and duchess, and had the opportunity to get close to them, knew that couldn’t be true.

 

Those who saw the duke and duchess all said the same thing.

 

They had never seen a couple who loved each other as much as they did in their lives.

 

Fin.