If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Eleanor lifted her head and looked up at Daryl in a daze.

 

“Why…”

 

She couldn’t continue her words.

 

Surely, just because he rescued her from that place, it didn’t mean that Eleanor was completely safe. The emperor, who had not achieved his goal, could have been obsessed with Eleanor and could have done something more extreme than before.

 

But to kill someone. Even the emperor.

 

Just to protect herself, just for that reason…

 

“The emperor was a man who deserved to die. He has forced his hand on countless women besides you, and some of them have even lost their lives. If he had been spared, there would have been more victims. Don’t worry. I have taken all necessary measures. Only a few people know that the emperor was assassinated and that you were involved in this incident. And they will never open their mouths. And, even if the truth is revealed…”

 

Daryl paused for a moment, then slowly opened his mouth again.

 

“You are not at fault. You are just a victim. It was all my decision, and I will take responsibility. So don’t worry. I will not let you suffer any harm.”

 

“…What do you mean? Do I look like I’m just worried about my safety…?”

 

At her incredulous question, Daryl’s eyes clouded over.

 

“That’s not what I meant. I just… I just want to say that you don’t have to worry about anything. You don’t need to feel responsible for this.”

 

“How can I not feel responsible? You killed someone because of me…!”

 

“I can do anything for you, even if it’s not murder.”

 

“…”

 

Eleanor looked at Daryl, speechless.

 

“There is nothing more important to me than you. So I don’t regret this incident. I just did what I had to do. If I could go back to that moment now, I would do the same.”

 

“…”

 

Daryl pulled Eleanor back into his arms.

 

“So don’t feel any responsibility or guilt. It’s just something I did on my own. So you don’t owe me anything. It’s not something I did to repay the sins my father committed against you and your mother. So you don’t need to forgive the Duke’s family.”

 

“….”

 

Eleanor swallowed her breath unknowingly. Not only Daryl’s voice, but also his arms that tightly hugged Eleanor were faintly trembling.

 

“It won’t be easy, but forget that this happened. Forget everything and live happily in Wembury as if nothing happened. You really liked that place. The scenery, the weather, the people…So…Please, Miss Townsend. Forget it. Forget and be happy. Please…”

 

“..…”

 

A tear fell down Eleanor’s cheek.

 

Daryl slowly pulled away from Eleanor, and when he realized she was crying, he sighed softly. He fumbled in his pocket with his trembling hand, and finally brought his bare hand to Eleanor’s face. His fingers, warmer than Eleanor, carefully wiped away her tears.

 

But when their eyes met, the tears didn’t stop, but gushed out more.

 

Her heart was so heavy and choked that she couldn’t speak.

 

It wasn’t just pity for Daryl, or guilt towards him. Of course, she felt those emotions, but if that was all, her heart wouldn’t have been so painfully torn.

 

Now she could clearly see what the feelings she had for him were.

 

She had hated and resented Daryl for a long time. She thought the wounds he had given her would never heal in her lifetime. So she tried to keep Daryl at a distance and not think about him.

 

But Daryl had changed. The person she thought would never change had completely changed. His once cold gaze, his once cruel tongue, were no longer there.

 

It was all because of love.

 

There was nothing but love. There should have been nothing else. That could change someone so completely.

 

And now, it was the same for Eleanor.

 

The Duke of Griffith was the enemy of her deceased mother and family. So she thought she should never forgive them. She thought she should never get involved with Daryl, the son of Frederick.

 

So she tried to forget. She tried to leave the place where Daryl was and never meet him again.

 

But it was too painful.

 

She tried to suppress her feelings, erase them, and ignore them, but it was a limit.

 

Even if this incident hadn’t happened, she would have realized it someday.

 

She wanted to be with Daryl.

 

She didn’t want to leave his side.

 

Eleanor didn’t want to leave Daryl alone, knowing that he would surely break down without her, knowing that he would spend the rest of his life as an empty shell.

 

It wasn’t because she pitied Daryl. It was because she loved him.

 

But choosing to stay by Daryl’s side meant betraying her mother.

 

How could she do that? How could she…

 

Eleanor just kept crying without saying a word.

 

“…Miss Townsend.”

 

Daryl called Eleanor in a cracked voice. Eleanor backed away with her head bowed.

 

“Miss Townsend.”

 

Ignoring Daryl’s outstretched hand, Eleanor turned around and left Daryl’s office.

 

****

 

“…Miss. Miss Eleanor.”

 

Eleanor lifted her head at Peggy’s hand, shaking her shoulder.

 

“Oh, yes. Peggy. Did you call me?”

 

“…I asked if I should prepare a new tea. It’s all cold.”

 

“Ah… no. It’s okay.”

 

“Then should I clean it up?”

 

“Yes. Please.”

 

“…”

 

Peggy silently cleaned up the tea set. And as she was about to leave Eleanor’s room, she came back with a determined expression.

 

“Miss. Why have you been like this lately?”

 

“Huh? What… are you talking about?”

 

“You’ve been down all the time. You’re always lost in thought, and you barely respond after being called several times. You’ve been like this since the article came out in the newspaper, but it’s been worse these past few days. The carriage accident that happened then, it was a lie, wasn’t it? Please tell me honestly. What on earth happened?”

 

Peggy looked determined. Eleanor shook her head with as calm a face as possible.

 

“What are you talking about? Nothing happened.”

 

“Don’t lie. If nothing happened, you wouldn’t be like this.”

 

“No, really. I’m just upset about that incident, like you said.”

 

Peggy closed her mouth for a moment, then suddenly asked.

 

“…Is it because of the Duke?”

 

“…….”

 

The smile on Eleanor’s lips disappeared momentarily.

 

“So it is, isn’t it? You’re upset because of the Duke. Please tell me honestly.”

 

“…No, Peggy. There’s no way. How could there be anything upsetting about the Duke now…”

 

She denied it hastily, but she couldn’t stop her voice from trembling.

 

Peggy bit her lip slightly.

 

“You think I’m a fool, Miss.”

 

“…What are you talking about.”

 

“I’ve been serving you since you were a little girl. Did you think I wouldn’t know anything just because you didn’t say anything? The Duke has visited this house several times. And I’ve heard from Emily.”

 

“…”

 

Eleanor’s complexion paled slightly. Then Peggy’s expression became even more sorrowful.

 

“Miss, you love the Duke. You couldn’t accept him because you felt sorry for your late mother, but you can’t help being attracted to him.”

 

“…Peggy. No. I…”

 

“What do you mean no? Please be honest. It’s in front of me. Not anyone else, but in front of me, Peggy. If you keep suppressing your feelings like this, you’ll get sick again, Miss.”

 

Peggy held Eleanor’s hand tightly and teared up. While Eleanor was speechless, the door creaked open. Emily was standing there.

 

“…Emily?”

 

“Peggy is right, Madam.”

 

Emily hurried over and knelt down next to Peggy.

 

“You’ve always kept your hurt feelings to yourself when you were at Chatsworth House. That’s why you were so sick then. I couldn’t say it, but I was really upset. You’ve been so kind to me, who has nothing to do with you, but I couldn’t listen to your worries. I don’t want to do that anymore. Please be honest. Just letting it out makes your heart so much lighter. Right? Miss. Please.”

 

“…..”

 

Both Peggy and Emily were looking up at Eleanor with tear-filled eyes.

 

Suddenly, a tear fell from Eleanor’s eye.

 

“Miss!”

 

“Madam…!”

 

Eleanor bowed her head and sobbed softly. The two maids did the same. The suppressed cries of the three flowed in the quiet room.