If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Nora was sitting with a troubled expression, the bed sheets gathered in her arms.

 

“Why do you look so gloomy?”

 

Anthony sat up and kissed Nora’s cheek. Nora sighed slightly as she tilted her body in reaction.

 

“…I feel pathetic.”

 

“Why? Don’t think like that. There’s no maid as smart and efficient as Nora. Plus, you’re pretty.”

 

“…”

 

Anthony got out of bed and started to dress. Nora silently watched his back.

 

That’s right. She knew better than anyone else that what she was doing was pathetic. She could resist a few times if she was determined. But in the end, it always ended up like this. Even though she knew she meant nothing to him, she still surrendered to his empty kindness, sweet smile, and warm touch.

 

Just for that moment, she could forget everything, just for that one reason.

 

“Well, I’m counting on you for what we discussed.”

 

“…It’s difficult, Master. You know what could happen if we get caught.”

 

“Don’t worry. Even if we get caught, I won’t let Nora’s position be in danger. You know that. That I won’t do that.”

 

Fortunately or unfortunately, that was true. The fact that Nora had been with him all this time at the Griffith estate was proof of that.

 

Anthony was a man who was difficult in many ways. He only sought Nora when he needed her, but he couldn’t completely treat her as a tool. He was extremely affectionate when they were together, and unlike many men, he didn’t reveal his cold nature after the act. If he had, she could have clearly rejected him long ago.

 

Anthony left a crumpled memo on the bedside table.

 

“Contact me as soon as the house is empty. Of course, you can contact me anytime you miss me.”

 

“…”

 

After kissing Nora’s forehead again, Anthony left the room. Nora sat still for a while, staring at the closed door.

 

****

 

Two days after Layla’s wedding. Eleanor got up early in the morning and left the mansion. A bunch of lavender was placed next to her in the carriage. It was the flower that Eleanor’s mother, Sylvia, loved the most during her lifetime.

 

Today was the 10th anniversary of Sylvia’s death. Eleanor got off in front of the cemetery and went inside with Peggy and Emily. After walking for about 5 minutes along the circular path like a park, they saw her mother’s tombstone.

 

“Oh, there’s another one.”

 

At Peggy’s words, Eleanor narrowed her eyes.

 

There was a bouquet of flowers in front of Sylvia’s tombstone, left by someone unknown.

 

For the past few years, every time she visited her mother’s grave on the anniversary of her death, the same bouquet of flowers was always there. She had no idea who it could be. Her mother didn’t have any close relatives or friends. She had asked the cemetery keeper several times, but he didn’t know either.

 

“They’re pretty.”

 

Peggy picked up the bouquet and said.

 

“Peggy, wait a moment.”

 

“Yes, Miss. Why?”

 

Eleanor went over to Peggy and looked at the bouquet. There was lavender mixed in with the peonies, roses, and chrysanthemums that had been there before.

 

‘…Could it be.’ 

 

In the letters she had exchanged with Daryl over the past year, they had talked about their favorite flowers. At that time, she had mentioned lavender as the flower her late mother loved.

 

Until now, she had never even considered that the person sending the bouquet every year could be Daryl. But thinking about it now, it seemed likely that it was him.

 

[I want to visit my mother’s grave on her anniversary and offer her flowers. That’s all. Just for one day. I haven’t asked you for much, have I? Please allow me this time. I promise I won’t ask for this again.]

 

Eleanor closed her eyes quietly. She had thought she would never forgive him in her lifetime. She had no intention of listening to his excuses, and she had vowed not to believe him.

 

‘…It’s already been 4 years.’ 

 

Eleanor took the bouquet from Peggy, knelt down, and placed it next to the tombstone. And right next to it, she laid down the bunch of lavender she had brought. The chirping of birds could be heard in the distance.

 

****

 

Daryl finished reviewing the documents and returned them to Philip.

 

“It seems fine. Write it as it is.”

 

“Understood.”

 

After Philip left, Daryl took a deep breath, leaning back in his chair.

 

‘…Maybe I should go out for some fresh air.’ 

 

As Daryl got up from his seat and put on his jacket, there was a knock on the door.

 

“Come in.”

 

Soon, Herbert opened the door and came in. He seemed a bit excited for some reason.

 

“Master. There’s a guest.”

 

“A guest? Who is it?”

 

“It’s Miss Townsend.”

 

For a moment, Daryl couldn’t believe his ears.

 

“…Really?”

 

“Yes. She’s currently in the Lilac Room’s reception room.”

 

Daryl hurried to the Lilac Room. Before he knew it, he was running. When he arrived at the door, he took a moment to catch his breath and straighten his clothes.

 

“Miss Townsend.”

 

“Duke.”

 

Eleanor stood up from her seat. Today, she had her hair braided into one strand and brought it to the front of her chest. It was a hairstyle he hadn’t seen in a very long time.

 

“It’s fine. You don’t need to get up.”

 

“I’m sorry for coming without notice. I hope I didn’t interrupt your work…”

 

“Not at all. I was just about to take a walk in the garden as I had just finished my work.”

 

“Oh, then… shall we?”

 

For a moment, Daryl didn’t understand what Eleanor was saying and looked puzzled.

 

Eleanor smiled slightly.

 

“A walk.”

 

****

 

A moment later, the two were walking side by side on the north garden path. Eleanor had suggested, ‘If you allow it, I would like to visit the library for the first time in a long time.’ 

 

Walking this path with Eleanor felt incredibly surreal to Daryl. Looking back, he realized that they had never walked this path together before. Even though it was the path Eleanor had walked the most when she lived at the Duke’s estate.

 

After Eleanor left the estate, Daryl had walked this path many times, searching for traces of her in the library where she was no longer present. Daryl had too few memories with Eleanor. Only memories of treating her cruelly, which led to intense regret and self-loathing. So, the fact that Eleanor was here now was incredibly moving. He thought it might be a dream. He had had this dream countless times over the past four years. And after waking up from the dream, he was only filled with deep self-loathing for the gap between his audacious hope for such absurd happiness and reality. If this was also a dream, he sincerely wished that he would never wake up.

 

Soon, they arrived in front of the library.

 

“Oh, it’s just like before. It seems to have been well maintained without change.”

 

Eleanor stepped forward and headed towards the entrance of the lounge with a slightly faster pace.

 

Suddenly, Daryl remembered a fact that he had forgotten until now.

 

“Miss Townsend. Wait a moment…”

 

But by the time he hurriedly followed Eleanor, it was already too late. Eleanor was looking at the easel she used to use, through the full-length glass window. On the easel was a portrait of Daryl that Eleanor had stopped painting four years ago.

 

Eleanor slowly turned to look at Daryl. A playful smile was on her lips.

 

“You said you had thrown it away because it got wet.”

 

“…That’s…”

 

Daryl trailed off with a defeated look.

 

“…I’m sorry. At that time, I thought if I told the truth, you would take the painting…”

 

“Did you like that painting that much?”

 

“Embarrassingly, it seems so.”

 

At Daryl’s answer, Eleanor’s cheeks faintly flushed.

 

“…What do you mean, it seems so?”

 

Her expression and her scolding voice were so lovely that his heart fluttered.

 

Daryl had to exert all his strength to prevent the corners of his mouth from turning up.

 

“To be precise…”

 

“To be precise?”

 

“I think I was happier about the fact that it was a portrait of me drawn by Miss Townsend, rather than the painting itself.”

 

At Daryl’s words, Eleanor’s cheeks turned a faint red.

 

“…Actually, I’ve seen you painting here before.”

 

“When?”

 

Eleanor asked with a surprised expression.

 

“Herbert told me you were here… I didn’t intend to spy. But you were painting my portrait, and honestly, I was surprised. I thought you hated me.”

 

“…”

 

“But you looked so excited and happy painting… I felt strange. You never showed me that smile, but you were smiling at me in the painting.”

 

After saying that, Daryl realized a fact he hadn’t been aware of until now. Without realizing it, he finished his sentence with a faint bitter smile.

 

“Looking back, I think I was jealous. Jealous of myself in the painting.”